(Oh Nana)What's My Name?
by SkeletonCops
Summary: Mevolent-verse,the alternate dimension SkulVal are sent to. Slight spoilers. LORD VILE BASED. Vile is ruling, loving life and killing(obviously). But Vile holds grudges, and now he's decided he wants Valkyrie. Valkyrie gets pulled back there,again. Typically. Meet (sort of) new friends, old enemies. Bit of Vilkyrie, eventual Valduggery. [WARNING: Sarcasm/Sass/Swearing.] OOC-ness.
1. Prologue, of sorts

**Hey guys. So, this is my first Skulduggery Pleasant Fanfic that I've posted or have had any thoughts of continuing. I'm totally okay with _constructive _criticism, so tell me whatever I'm doing wrong here. **

**This is Mevolent-verse Vile, sometime after Valkyrie and Skulduggery get the hell out of there in TDOTL. **

**o**

**This is more of a prologue than anything else. Sorry it's so short,but the next will be longer. **

_**This is Mevolent's dimension. I repeat, this is the alternate dimension.**_

**Most/all of the brackets are actually Vile's mind - voice (No, not Skulduggery. Yet. ) interrupting in the background. **

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Lord Vile. Villain deluxe, psychopathic personality.

But,he did have a personality. Just because he caused a hell lotta destruction, havoc, left a trail of dead bodies and ruined villages,it didn't mean he was a mindless machine.

...Well,he was sort of,but that wasn't the point. The point was,he was more alike to Skulduggery than either liked to admit or even acknowledged. So both shared a tendency towards the same reactions at being one-upped.

Anyone who knew Skulduggery knew that he got pissed off whenever somebody managed to beat him. So did Vile. And where had he been going with this? He was pretty sure that this line of thought had started somewhere at 'personality' and 'killing'.

Eh.

Besides, ever since that attempt at getting that damn gun had gone south,a voice at the back of his mind kept nagging at him to do something productive.

Which was slightly creepy,considering he'd started out as a voice at the back of Skulduggery's head himself. Yes,he was a _him _,not an it. That's what he considered himself to be. Now that he wasn't as obsessed with revenge and really really angry,he used to briefly contemplated the mysteries of life before getting bored again.

He should do something, maybe... Oh! Yes,that would do.

He suddenly turned and walked back out of the random village Mevolent's men were messing shit up in. He refused to personally consider himself one of his. He was.. Freelance. Yes,that was it.

Lord Vile shadow-walked himself into a place a kilometre or so away from where he'd been and then did it again. He could do himself long distances, but appearing in front of some random people and watching their reactions was priceless. Some black humour did occasionally do a person-thing? some good. Also,he didn't tire out,which was a good thing.

Vile watched as a random snotty-looking sheriff shrieked and lept back,pissing his pants a bit.

_Ha ha_. _Surprise,bitch._

He walked shorter distances,making more people react in a similar manner. Ah,he'd have some fun.

_~~~A while later,in Lord Vile's private quarters_.~~~

Lord Vile stared at his skeletal hand and concentrated. He focused his power imagined what he wanted to do and-

Nothing happened.

He growled in frustration. Maybe he couldn't do it. No, he was the most powerful necromancer there was. Most powerful sorceror, actually, since he was second to _Mevolent_.Or was, before that bitch Darquesse showed up. Bringing her identical copy with her.

Which brought him back to what he was trying to do. He knew he could do it, he'd been vaguely thinking about it for a few decades now. He just hadn't bothered to actually do anything about it. Too busy killing people. That was fun. He was powerful. Feared. When he stepped somewhere, people ran. He could do it. He knew that, he could Feel it.

He just didn't know how.

He stared at his hand again, willing flesh or even just skin - he wasn't picky right now- to grow. Or to just give an illusion of being there. It was, after all,his laziness on the matter that had told that Valkyrie chick who he was. Stealing someone's face kinda gave away the fact that you were a skeleton.

Ah, yes. That. Skulduggery. Not Vile. (Although he had a feeling that Vile was around him, somehow.) was quite curious. Skulduggery had somehow won other fight in this other dimension.

Whatever. He wasn't going to dwell on anything, (I'm a better man) he'd never see them again. Hopefully. The little shits had (indirectly or not) almost hurt/beaten him.

Anger.

Good, that was good. He focused his anger into his left arm. After a few minutes (of intense staring) he felt something. A flicker of magic, in his left hand (-arm, actually) wait, he was using his right hand. (Amazing deduction) That meant something was going to happening. He focused, drawing magic in,

And

Stared

-just stared-

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**The next chapter will be longer. Thanks for reading,please review.**

**Love,**

**-LionsandTrolls,**


	2. Vile

**Skip to the third paragraph if you don't want to hear my rant. **

**I HATE MY LIFE I WROTE AN ENTIRE FRIGGIN AMAZING CHAPTER FOR THIS GODDAMN FIC ON MY IPAD AND SELECTED IT, BUT INSTEAD OF COPYING IT, IT FECKING PASTED WHAT I'D COPIED BEFORE, -EVEN THOUGH I PRESSED COPY -AND HENCE DELEATED MY ENTIRE HARD WORK. I HATE APPLE I HATE IPADS AND SAMSUNG IS BADASS AF SINCE YOU CAN COPY A WHOLE BUNCH OF SHIT AND THIS SHIT DOESNT HAPPEN.**

**I apologize for my rant in which I sound like a whiny kid. Sorry, my computer doesn't work do so I have to use an iPad. Which is not nice as it sounds and I'm going to shut up now. **

**Vile curses a bit because one, we never know Vile's perspective and he could easily be doing so and two, I want add a humorous element to this story. I mean, I've started crying while reading FICS. Okay, I lied, I don't cry, I have no soul. Maybe felt a brief sadness.**

**To the amazing reviewers,**

**Guest; I've stated above why Vile curses. I'm well aw****are that he'd probably never act like this in canon, which is why this is called Fan fiction. Thanks.**

**Libertied Insanity; Weirdly good is the best good there is,obviously.**

**chinasorrows400; Thank you!**

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**I don't own Skulduggery Pleasant, obviously, since I could never come up with such amazing quotes and ideas. **

**There's really slight language in this chapter, when I have no problem with but some people think is bad. There's not even the f word, relax. For now, at least.**

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-just stared-

Tendrils of darkness were swirling around his arm. They slithered over his bones, leaving a burning pain. His entire arm was covered in semi-solid black now. He gritted his teeth through the burning pain and it dulled and stopped after a while, as abruptly as it had started. Woah. What the hell?

The shadows had dragged back a bit and a hand, _with flesh and skin_ had been left behind. It was a dark grey-ish, and the grey seemed to convulse and move underneath the skin. The hand was just the _slightest_ bit disturbing.

Then the black swept back further, revealing more of the demon-arm, and before he could do anything other than stare at the hand, dumbfounded -not that he'd ever admit that- the same searing pain swept over the rest of his body and he doubled over, hissing in pain. His ego (almost bigger than Skulduggery's, since he wasn't as self-loathing) not allowing him more than that. It was a lot, but he'd had worse -hel-_lo_? He'd been tortured to death, after all- but it still hurt, he wasn't going to deny that.

The pain stopped and he slowly stood up. He'd doubled over sometime in the middle of it all. He looked back at his arm. It wasn't as freaky, now a normal color. He shook out his shoulders. He felt heavier, and.. clunky. Hm. He called the shadows and shadow-walked over to the large floor length mirror on one side of the huge room/his quarters.

One wall was decorated with very sharp, very nasty and very creative weapons. Not that he needed them, of course. Jimmy had quite tragically —and painfully died when he'd made a comment about that. Nobody made snarky comments about Vile except Vile. Or that one cute follower who occasionally came in just to fangirl over Mev's officers,etc. What was her name? Leo something. He liked her, mostly because she had a somewhat messed up mind, and conversations between her and other officers were always hilarious. Poor Jimmy liked her too. Haha. Whup,you're dead. Sorry,Jim.

Anyway.

He pulled the mask/helmet off while he turned fully toward the mirror. And gaped. The helmet dropped out of his hands. The shadows swooped in and absorbed it. (They'd make it solid again when he'd need it.) Vile continued to stare at the mirror. He had skin again. He'd done it.

Well, of course he had,he was Lord frickin Vile! Besides,Necromancy had killed him, Necromancy had brought him back* -he'd managed to extract this information from a Sensitive before she'd quite tragically died too- so it was only fair that Necromancy would make it able for him to have a body again.

A wide and quite frankly, stupid grin spread over his face. The action felt.. ticklish. Awkward, like there was something crawling over his face. But his brain had quickly reconstructed the nerve connections, and since he was -dare he say it- extremely gleeful at the moment, his face responded accordingly. Hm, he'd used to have had a constant poker face. That was probably going to take practice to get back. Still. He had skin again. Finally. Another marvelous example of his utter brilliance and amazingness.

Although... he looked back at his arm and focused his power again. His arm shifted back skeletal again. He pushed away any nagging thoughts of screwing things up and pulled his powers back into his arm. It was all a matter of figuring out HOW to do this, not whether he could or not. He could, obviously. However, he hadn't, as of now, been able stop that stupid grin spreading over his new/old face. He looked around, quickly sending his shadows to check that nobody was around.

Once he was satisfied he was completely alone,

(Servants never bothered to come here unless he was off with Mevolent or doing other important villain stuff, he usually kicked them out-literally- or killed them if if he was bored.)

he then let out a _very dignified_ 'Yiiiisssssss' (Or Yaaasssss, your choice) punctuated by a fist pump and spin on the heal of his foot.

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_**(What?he just got his body back, man. Let him have his moment.)**_

* * *

He turned back to the mirror, and looked at his face. His old face, the one with the candy apple green eyes, slightly long lashes, straight nose. His skin was still slightly browned, which was how it had been when he'd died. He'd been working a mission in either Australia or France, -he didn't really remember which,at the moment- when he'd gotten the news that Skulduggery's- okay.

_ Stop._

Dammit, his mind kept doing that. He needed to control his train of thought more. It'd helped Skulduggery solve things and with missions at times, but it was just an annoyance to Vile. He cut off those thoughts and focused again on his gorgeous face. The light smattering of freckles across his upper cheeks and nose. The cheekbones, not overly evident but showing, and adding to his face structure. He looked,in short, like he'd randomly walked off a modeling shoot.

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**_A/N; Models exist in Mevolent verse. You see why I said that some aspects were crack. I'm basing Skulduggery off of 2005-2009 Jensen Ackles. Just because. Oh, and before continuing reading this, look up 'dean Winchester weheartit' or 'dean Winchester tumblr' on Google images. Seriously. Do it._**

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And all that was without getting started on his body. He still had his old muscles- how about that?- and the old scars, most of them had been removed by magical means, but the few that were there had been made by objects which left scars very hard to heal. He'd kept scars off his face with a combination of magic and pure skill. He averted his eyes from them carefully. Each scar carried it's own story, its own memory, which would often play out uninvited when he was off his mental guard, even back then. So he wasn't going to look at them.

Alas, things didn't often work out for him. Naturally.

Suddenly, as if somebody else was controlling his actions, his eyes darted to his left shoulder, the armor dissipated and a tendril yanked the magic-and-armored shirt to the side

(What? He wasn't going to be a naked skeleton Super villain, thank you very much, he was more civilized than that)

And revealed the long thin scar,light pink and still slightly raised, despite all the years ago it had been inflicted, years ago even when he'd had skin. It went from the side of his neck to his shoulder. Shit. He staggered back slightly,the shadows forming a convenient chair for him, taken by surprise at the sheer force of the memories that swarmed back into his mind.

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**Next chap will be the memory.**

**I noticed whole writing that Vile's ego is getting ridiculous. Don't blame me, I don't control what I write. And what I wrote before had Vile more in character, but it's gone now and this is what y'all get. Also that this fic has been more author notes than actually story. Sorry.**

Love,

lionsandtrolls


	3. Valkyrie

**Hey, so I know I haven't uploaded in a while. But this chapter has over a 1600 words, and well, that's a very happy thing for me, what with thee getting so much during my monthly tests. **

**It introduces Valkyire! Yay! Now the story can actually start! Huzzah**!

This chapter is hereby dedicated to LibertiedInsanity, for being friggin awesome. Thank you! Keep reviewing because I might just hunt you down and force you to do so. If you do review, I will _hunt_ you down. I will _find_ you, and I _will_ make you brownies.

DeadGirl19; It's hard to keep track of how many Fanfic Authors love you, but add another to that ever-growing list. Hope this meets your expectations.

LiveWithLyrics; Thank you! I hope you keep reading, and reviewing!

LordVileFan88(Anon); Thanks! I hope you like this!

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This chapter contains swearing, you have been warned.

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400 years ago.

And—

_Swords flashed. A light brown haired girl swiped and parried with a tall man,both completely silent. That in itself should have made it obvious to both who they were fighting, but it didn't. It had been a long day for both of them. They were tired, and inside a huge binding circle which weakened your powers unless you had the counter reactive sigils on person._

_The woman's thin sword opened up a cut from the side of his neck to his shoulder. The man hissed slightly and glared at the place where he guessed the girls head was, it was too dark to see much of anything. But night missions were his specialty. It was all about guessing where important body parts were. His own sword, wider and equally as deadly moved to strike. He opened up a cut spanning the length of her arm. Not too deep but enough to slow her down. The blade should have gone into her heart. Damn, this gal was good._

_ As in all cases of boy-meets-girl, the moon suddenly -and quite conveniently came out of whatever cloud it had been behind. It lit up the castle or whatever it was-'s courtyard where they'd been fighting in order to shut the other up. And,of course, and finish their respective missions._

_He'd automatically assumed she was one of Mevolent's, but now the badge on her right shoulder showed, the silver thread sparkling. Not too bright or eye catching, but still visible. Her's enchantment was probably weakening, which was why he hadn't seen it. Too much time in use. Too long alive. He'd burned through a few himself._

_Two swords crossed over an R. Typical coat-of-arms. The R simple and the enchantments purposefully weak on lower level soldiers. For regular sorcerers or soldiers, the badge was a clumsy thing with obvious sigils on it. The badges were made so that only people with a badge themselves would see it. Hers had minuscule sigils woven into it. Only the best got _that_ badge. It was more elaborate, detailed. Just like his own. Senior Resistance Soldier,just like him. Best of the best._

_"Wait. Wait. You're resistance, I'm resistance too!" He whisper shouted as he ducked her blade again. She suddenly stopped and he noted the blade was barely a hairs breadth from his neck. Swords,apparently, were her thing. Definitely not his. "Prove it." She hissed. He hurriedly pulled aside his cloak- -cumbersome may it be, it was damn near freezing tonight- to show the badge on his sleeve. "Ah. You are. Sorry about, you know" she said, gesturing to his cut. _

_..Which was bleeding quite a bit, now that he noticed. She didn't seem especially sorry. Probably since he'd done a number on her arm as well. "No problem. Good luck with whatever you're doing. Good bye." He said in a low voice, and without waiting for a reply, set off for an unguarded point in the... Castle? No, too small for that. Training area, of sorts? Well, whatever this shithole was. The area was unguarded, of course, because the guards where either dead or... incapacitated._

_He was _very_ through. Hence Skulduggery Pleasant's high success rate with missions. _

_He usually fought directly in the war, and this meant covert operations and night raids. And he wasn't even forty,looking barely twenty. The other sorcerers around him being two hundred or four hundred or maybe even nine hundred, he didn't know. Nor cared. Point was, he'd quickly risen in position and mastered elemental magic by twenty five. He was a fucking prodigy._

_By this time, he'd reached the wall. He dropped down, welcomed the feeling of magic flooding back into his body. And then, about a couple of dozen feet away, the other girl dropped down. He stared. He hadn't even heard her. Granted, she wasn't after him and had been further away, but it was still a remarkable feat. He relaxed his posture, not tensing but aware of any movements. She turned, noticed him and reacted the same way he did. Then she composed herself, and shrugged._

_Just then, an alarm wailed inside. A shrill ringing of a bell. They'd wasted time. He looked at her, then mimed walking away. She understood, took of running. So did he. In another direction, of course, back to his own horse. Teleporters would be hella lot useful, but they were used for the more important and high level missions. Reached Acorn, got up, ran the hell out of there. He couldn't help but wonder about the girl. He didn't doubt she'd take care of herself, but he was curious. He mentally shrugged. Not his problem._

_Ah, If only he'd realized that he'd just met his eventual wife. Who was—_

Vile wrenched himself out of the chain of thoughts/memories and slumped against convenient shadow furniture. The random "flashes" which brought entire fucking novels of memories/thoughts/feelings with them shouldn't happen. Not this vividly since that time, something three, four hundred years ago. It'd been barely five years since he'd come into play, and that one had almost brought Skulduggery back. Almost. If only Skulduggery had fought harder, he'd be back in control. Akin to the Skulduggery from that alternate dimension.

He shook his head, clearing the memories. There was a strange tugging feeling at the back of his mind. It lessened when he shook his head more forcefully. Didn't dissipate, though. That was to be watched.

He pulled his mask out of the shadows, them releasing it into his hands. Shadows were like pets, of you thought about it. He put it on, the size changing and adjusting to his brand new/old face perfectly. The armor settled itself back onto him. Now. What was he going to do? He reckoned a little celebrating was in order. Oh, yes. Mevolent's forces were rounding up the mortals who'd helped the Resistance. He'd just go help kill a village, -or, more preferably, a town. Killing sorcerers was much more fun, but the ducklings er, mortals would have to do.

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_**Present time; in the regular Skulduggery Pleasant Universe.**_

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Valkyrie had managed to adjust back into her life. It hadn't been easy. It'd felt awkward, jarring and dysfunctional. And yet, all too.. well, _right_. She'd been away for five years, which felt like ten, with the amount of catching up to do with cases,laws, new sorcerers, new detectives, Sanctuaries and whatnot. People still glared at her, focusing their anger at Darquesse on _her_. She'd found it just that little bit difficult to ignore the hypothetical holes digging into her back, but after nearly six or so months back into the fold, things were getting back to the old normal.

Other people were now looking past Darquesse and thanked her for saving the world. To which she couldn't help but feel guilty as she politely thanked them or just shrugged in response. Or there were those which she didn't acknowledge on bad days.

Her relationship with Skulduggery had been a bit strained at first, but it had repaired itself relatively well. There seemed to be a slightly new dynamic to it, which was often ignored. They both had fallen back into the old system of beating up people, solving cases, exchanging smart-ass comments. Their relationship would always fix itself, no matter what. She'd seen his darkest side, he'd seen hers. But they stayed for each other anyway, and she treasured that.

However, there seemed to be a whole bunch of conflicting emotions on her part. When she'd said she loved him, well, maybe she had meant it more than the love for friend or family.

Whatever. She'd deal with the metaphorical bridge when she'd come to it. Right now, she had a case, and it involved beating somebody up with her awesome new powers. Which she couldn't control all that well, but was definitely getting better at. She grinned like a loon and turned to Skulduggery next to her, driving.

"Valkyrie, I know that the sight of me makes you amazingly happy, but now you're scaring me."

She shook her head, still grinning. "I was just thinking of how good it is to be back."

He turned to her briefly and then looked back at the road. "Of course it is. You get to be near me all the time. Rejoice."

She rolled her eyes, about to reply when he stopped. "We're here."

She nodded and follwed him out of the car. Ah, using a dude as a punching bag. There was just that special something to it.


	4. Chapter 3

**You may or may not have noticed that the summary for this story has changed like five times. Sorry, the summary just doesn't really explain what this really is, I'm crap at writing summaries. For one thing, I have random scenes for this planned out, but how to get to the said scene is difficult. Speaking of, can anyone think of another name for this story? **

**No Valkyrie in this one, sorry! She was going to be, but then I realised that this was long enough, plus I'm still writing her part and I wanted to get this up, since nobody's posting right now. *sighs* Why, DeadGirl, why. Why do you need to take exams? **

**Oh, and in school today I realized that there was a slight plot hole in this thing, how Vile's shirt still fits him. Well, that's because it's a magic shirt, which means that it'll change when affected by magic. Yeah, I don't know why either. There's a slight 'Sherlock' reference in this chapter. Can you find it?**

** Oh, and there were a bunch of typos in the last one,in which I didn't post the corrected version because my crappy Internet didn't save that. I fixed it, yay! And can somebody please review? My heart leaps, my finals are starting next month, please let me have these little slivers of pure happiness. **

**Oh, and I sounded pretty rude when I answered the 'No Account(anon)'reviewer. Sorry about that, I didn't mean to be. *apologetic shrug***

** To the FUGHPING AMAZING PEOPLE WHO REVIEWED (like three)**

_LordVileFan88(anon) ; _You need to get an account, we can PM each other! Thank you so much for keeping up with this. And this chapter is purely Lord Vile. Just for you. (Not really, but I've just decided it is ㈳3㈳3) Thanks, by the way! Keep reviewing, I really really really like you. *stops quoting song lyrics which won't get out of my head*

_DeadGirl19 ;_ lol thanks. Hey, don't worry. Upcoming realization of exams will make anyone sound like a broken record, (which you don't btw). Hope that when your exams finish you'll be happy to see longer chapters.

_LibertiedInsanity ; _I feckin love you, have I mentioned? Oh, and... *leaps through computer screen to give you yet another hug while your parent/friend/teddy bear stares in shock* I don't really know how to respond to so much awesomeness. I'll do my best, though. And sleep deprivation strikes even the strongest of us. And HELL YES BROWNIES. I'd give some to you know but they're burnt so.. *thrusts batter onto thy face with LOVE*

_**Love,**_

_**LionsandTrolls **_

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Lord Vile was bored.

He sighed, leaning back in the not-quite-chair-but-not-exactly-throne that Mevolent had arranged for his generals. The generals usually dealt with prisoners or Resistance members or interrogations. Correction, used to. Now only _he_ had this privilege, since he was -obviously- Mevolent's favorite. Baron Vengeuous transported prisoners, for whatever God there was' sake. One of the Formerly Three Generals, now a warden. It had been funny, since Vile never liked him all that much anyway. Then he'd died and then it had stopped being amusing since Vengous had practically become a somewhat useful zombie.

And the second General had scat. A sudden flash of anger and annoyance seethed through him. He'd ALMOST gotten him! He'd been just about to.. incapitace him, and then kill him later,ever so slowly —and painfully. You couldn't exactly forgive the person who killed you. Vile had tolerated Serpine when he'd been one of the Generals, but since that safety link had been severed, Vile always kept a watch on any sightings of him. Which had brought no results until the last time -first time? that Valkyrie girl and.. Skulduggery had showed up. He actually had them to thank, since he almost gotten to kill dear old Nefarian.

But.

Serpine has escaped him. Again. Dear Lord Zeus, was that annoying. Now that he was much more like his old self, —yes, his personality had changed along with his face. He was confused about that one, but assumed that it had something to do with psychology and/or Science— ,he wanted to kill him.

Slowly. Painfully. Torturously.

If only he could find the damn guy. Serpine had run off somewhere with his remaining resistance members, and they hadn't been found yet. Maybe he could get Mevolent to send out word to find them. That would be the best plan. God, he was brilliant.

He sighed again and slid even further down his seat. He just wanted to have some bloody fun. Was that too much to ask?

_Your 'fun' usually consists of mass murdering people or destruction of property. Maybe that's why. _

,-a voice suddenly piped up. Vile frowned under his mask and sent his shadows to scour the room and see if anyone was around, any Sensitives. The shadows found no one, just the Redhoods standing outside the door and Palace workers scurrying around doing whatever the hell they did. They all quickened their pace outside the doors, knowing that he was in there.

_Stop trying to find the voice in your head, Vile. I can almost guarantee that you won't find it outside. ..But you never know. Stranger things have happened._

Wait a minute.

This was different than the other voice in his head. This was an actual _voice, _not just.. thought, of sorts, like the other one was. Godammit, had Skulduggery's craziness finally infected him?

_Wow. Hurtful._

_Shut up. _He thought in reply.

_Make me. Punch yourself, maybe that'll shut me up. No, wait. It _definitely_ will. Why don't you do that?_

_Why are you so annoying? And why must you be a complete arse? _He thought back. It was a bit concerning, considering he was chatting with a voice in his head, but he was bored and this gave him something to do.

_**I'm** an arsehole? You are a dick to things in the general vicinity. 98% of people hate you and the other 2% are lying. I think Mev's the only one who truly likes you. Also, I think he has the hots for you. Cheers on that one,mate. _

Well, that was true. The way Mevolent acted, it was evident that Mev considered them besties. _Shut up. _He mentally-glared at the.. Voice. A loud, sharp knock rapped thrice on the huge mahogany doors, Vile immeadiately sat up straighter and effectively shoved the voice to the back of his head,where it promptly shut up.

The doors opened. Two Redhoods entered, dragging an unconscious man in shackles with them. A Mage came in right after them. Vile recognized him as the head of that one Department solely dedicated to deal with any matters that weren't sent to the City Mages or were not as simple as they seemed. Which happened surpirisngly often. Vile liked him, he was sarcastic, to-the-point and knew how to kill people with quills. Whoever could do that was friend-material, to him.

Vile nodded at him, giving him a compulsory once-over. He had a bruise forming on the side of his head, and there was a cut on his left eyebrow. Cleaned up, but still bleeding slightly. He ran a hand over his hair, -a dark golden brown-,a tick that happened whenever he was annoyed. His eye color had changed. Obviously. Make it even harder for Vile to remember. The Mage was an Adept who could manipulate appearances, and also had the added bonus of being able to shoot energy. To put it simply, he was a mixed breed of Shape-shifter and Energy-Thrower. 'Mixed Breeds', or people with two disciplines came along surprisingly often. Having two abilities once you knew how things worked was easy. They'd cracked that a couple hundred years ago. But being able to have two actually _useful_ abilities, however, was not very common.

Now, if only he could remember the Mage's name. Vile wracked his brains, he'd never been good with name_s. Fuckin hell, I give up. Wait how do I acknowledge him do I just nod or -shit, he's coming closer do I pretend I know his name? This is so frustrating what the hell is his name? Will he just automatically understand I want to be briefed— shit._

The Mage stopped in front of him, bowed slightly. "Lord Vile. Agent Devlin Bronze, of the 13th Precinct." _Oh thank god he introduced himself my OCD senses were going crazy. _Vile briefly frowned under his mask again. Sometimes, he worried for his sanity. Not because he was a sociopathic mass murderer, but because the voice in his head was getting a lot like the old voice in his head. He honestly worried more about being normal than he did with going around the bend.

Vile tilted his head, and nodded to him. "Agent Bronze. Who is this man?" He asked. Vile had been generally speaking more these days, and while he would have been content with a head tilt and nod for this same sentence a few months ago, he actually said it now. The 'Now-flesh-and-blood' thing was making him act differently too. The mask,of course, also warped his voice but allowed it to still sound husky and amazing, and loud enough. Bronze looked briefly surprised at his speaking but replied anyway. "Good Afternoon, Sir. This man was found by a couple of Precinct members. They tried to take him down, managed to keep him distracted. One of them immediately sent word to me, and I, along with two other officers went to help detain this man. With the added back up, we were able to take him down. He appeared to be trying to Shunt somewhere before we caught him, so we assume that is his discipline. We know currently nothing about any secondary discipline. A Sensitive observed his mind while unconscious and found some information in his drifting thoughts. His name is," Bronze paused and coughed slightly,clearing his throat, " -Silas Nadir. He is not from this.. Dimension. I wasn't prepared to believe it, but we think he is possibly from the Dimension Darquesse came from." Vile sat up straighter. "—He is on the run, from what we gather. The police force in that dimension is after him for escaping Gaol. That is all we've been able to find out. No doubt, we would have found out more had we woken him up, but we brought him here to as soon as we had satisfactory information."

Vile nodded. It had taken some effort to not zone out during the speech, but he'd been reasonably interested and Devlin spoke quickly,so Vile had actually been listening. That was new. "This is something definitely unexpected. Leave him with me. And keep your operatives nearby. We may have need of you. You will be called again when there is any need. You are dismissed."

Bronze curtly nodded, hands clasped behind his back. "Yes, sir." He turned and walked toward the door, to go finish his report for the case. "Bronze. Wait." Vile didn't bother to raise his voice. Despite the mask/helmet thing's tendency to turn spoken words into whispers, his voice was heard even in the corners of the room. He was just awesome like that. "Yes,sir?" He asked, raising his eyebrows slightly. "Send in your report of the case to me personally. Consider it this way. You work directly for me."

Devlin always followed orders to the letter, and Devlin had always had a terrified respect for the man in the shadow armor. Who was suddenly saying more to him now than he had in the few dozen decades he'd worked as head of his Precinct. Bronze wasn't going to question it though, Vile was almost obviously Mevolent's favorite and denying him would probably mean Vile wouldn't even yawn while pulling all his limbs off. "Absolutely, Sir. You will be my direct Superior." "Dismissed." Bronze left through the door. Vile groaned, slid down the chair/throne until he was in a nearly lying down position which was extremely uncomfortable. His throat hurt. His chest ached. He wasn't sure why exactly he'd talked so much more than usual. And why he felt like he needed to do something other than kill, occasionally torture, kill, et cetera.

A sudden thought struck him. His chest,throat and random body parts he never even noticed before were hurting. That meant his old functions were returning. That meant that soon he'd be needing food. Among other things. He wasn't exactly looking forward to that. Yet he was terrified of turning himself skeletal again, in case he couldn't form back. He shuddered at the thought of turning back into a skeleton. He was liking this a hella lot. Also, there was that added bonus of being fucking gorgeous.

He then stood up, walked over to Nadir. He was being supported by the Redhoods, still goddamn unconscious. "Take him to the interrogation room. Be sure to keep him bound. And form a guard outside." The Redhoods briskly nodded, turned on heal, and yanked Nadir up. They quickly strode out of the room.

Vile gave a gleeful half-smile under the mask. This was a _frigging brilliant opportunity_.

Mevolent would probably be _insanely_ _pissed off_ if he found out about Vile not telling him about Nadir, but Vile trusted himself enough to know that he could handle a high-pitched rant by his Boss. Besides, if Mevolent found that he was able to go to that dimension, the people there would most certainly die. Vile didn't really want his own alternate self to die. Call it ego, or whatever it was, **He** was the only one who got to kill himself. Also, he was peeved that Valkyrie-and-Skuduggery had managed to escape him, and **_HE_** always got the last word. ..The real reason, however, was that his ego was bruised. If capturing Valkyrie would automatically bring Skulduggery, they could have a little chat. And no, not chat in the 'I, gon torture' chat, Vile was just really curious about things. There was no particular reason, or urge to tell his Boss. He just wanted to know things. It _was_ a flaw, but, to be fair, it was his _only_ flaw.

Vile paused, head tilting unconsciously, an idea automatically forming into a plan. Wait. Yes, yes. That was fucking brilliant. Lord Vile always did have the best ideas. But for that, he'd need Nadir's help. He disliked having to take help from people. Thing was, he'd also need to make friends with him. This wasn't the kind of thing he could just terrify -ahem, nudge- Silas into doing. He sighed, summoning his shadows to take him outside, just in front of the door. An office Mage walking by with a stack of papers shrieked slightly and jumped back at his sudden appearance, scattering the papers all over the ground. She immediately realized who he was, waited a beat, bowed to him. He had to admit, he was impressed. For one thing, she was goddamn gorgeous. Strange, he'd never noted things like that when he'd been a skeleton, for obvious reasons. She was nowhere near his level of pretty, but he didn't like anyone prettier than him anyway.

_You're extremely vain, you know._

He didn't bother to respond, and shoved the voice back again, with more force. He focused back to right now. Right, why he'd been impressed with her. She hadn't fully bowed to him like the other sorcerers he met. She'd barely dipped her shoulders. A scar ran from her forehead to her nose. She was a fighter, then. The squared shoulders and dominant pose implied that she had to deal with a lot of opposing factors, and deserved her ego, unlike the other pimped and pampered idiots that were sorcerers nowadays. She turned, not expecting acknowledgment from him. She looked down at the papers and groaned slightly. Half of them had floated one way, some more than a few meters down the hall, others fluttering in opposite directions.

He tilted his head. She wasn't an elemental then, since she could've gotten the papers with air. A slight smile playing at his lips, coupled with a 'what the fuck why am I doing this' expression under the mask, he got his shadows to collect all the papers and hand them over to her. She stared at them in shock, before registering that he was giving them to her. "T-thank you, Lord Vile." He shrugged, turned to go. "If I could ask, Sire, why?" She was terrified that he'd kill her for asking this, and yet she said it. Even though she probably didn't expect a reply. Huh. Foolish actions, even with thoughts of the consequences. He liked her, he decided.

"I don't know." He said in reply, her face forming a look of confusion that was nowhere near as graceful as the other women around here. It was amusing, and, quite honestly, refreshing to see that. Plus, it was funny freaking out people.

Smiling once more, he shadow walked over to where they were keeping Nadir. He wondered if he was still unconscious. If he was, the guy had issues.


	5. Chapter 4

***pokes head around corner* *tip toes to middle of stage* *clears throat***

**I am so,so so sorry. It's been a while since I've updated this. I well, I just kind of wasn't in the mood to write, y'know? Plus I have my finals starting from the 11th. Which I haven't studied for. Like, at all. So I'm pretty freaked about that. Ah,well. Enough with my problems. Here you go, an update which hopefully lasts for a while. **

**This isnt the most productive chapter, more of a filler.. But eh. Tell me about any grammar errors/typos in this thing, I'll fix them. It's nearly 5am right now and I have to get up for school at 7, so I'm sure I can be excused. And this is really short. So, sorry!**

**Oh, and shoutout to**

**_China Sorrows 400,_**

**_Libertied Insanity,_**

**_Zena135, _**

**_Luke16_**

**for the favs/follows. I love you all so much. *tries to hug all of you while you squirm and try to escape***

**Right, reviews. Love you all in PM,love you all in stories. **

_**China Sorrows 400;**_ Firstly, aww, thank you! Secondly:Curse you! You nearly guessed my plot! But no, it's not exactly like that.. *shifty eyes*

**_MehScrewIt; _**Have I mentioned I love your username? Well, I do. And you're awesome too. Thank so so much for the reviews. Keep reviewing, and I'll keep baking you virtual brownies. Cookies? Meh, your choice.

_**Libertied Insanity; **_I'm sorry. Lord Bike shall forevermore love the woman! Mwhahaha! But not Lord Vile. I actually have something else planned for her, you're welcome to guess what. *grins evilly*

**_LordVileFan88(Gomt8); _**You finally get an update! Huzzah! And I've decided I like writing Vile much more than SkulVal(that means Skulduggery and Valkyrie, not necessarily a ship name). So, you have more Vile! Real sorry for not updating sooner.

**(Ahem..really? You couldn't leave 'guest' or 'Po'?)** \- **_Poo(Guest); _**Yeah, that ship has sailed. I already have a later chapter for this written out, which involves swearing. This one does have less swearing, though. But I can't omit it. I love swearing and hence Vile shall too!

_**DeadGirl19;**_ Thanks! Well. Here you go. You better keep reviewing, or that Solierce thing will be at stake! *squints* *grins evilly once again*

* * *

Vile smoothly walked into the "interrogation room". Which was a false name, considering it was mostly used for high profile torture which the _professionals_ had to do. Which meant him, of course. Mevolent assigned people to Vile, usually. Since it wasn't exactly Mev who'd ordered it this time, Vile'd ordered every sorcerer involved with this case to keep their traps shut.

Sometimes he thought that, perhaps, they might even fear him more than Mevolent himself. At times like these, he _knew_ they did. It brought a lovely sort of warmth to his non existent heart. Wait, his heart did technically exist now.

He needed to get used to having a real body. He'd told the RedHoods to take him to the Actual-questioning-and-Not-Torture Room, which meant Interrogation room number seven. Vile turned to him, slowly and dramatically. Most people quaked when he did this. This one didn't say anything. Asshole. _(a/n: like certain readers who don't review)_ he turned and saw something that actually made him groan and his shadows to bristle angrily.

He was still goddamn unconscious. Jesus,Zeus,Faceless Ones, what the hell was wrong with him? How many times had they hit him? Did he have brain damage? A couple hundred years of not slHeeping? His awesome entry was ruined. Well, nobody needed to know.

Vile sighed and sent a shadow tendril to hit him sharply on the shoulder. He gave a yelp of pain and jumped slightly, startling awake.

He stared at him.

Vile stared back.

He continued to stare at him.

Vile kept his head toward him let his eyes wander. This was getting creepy. Vile looked back at him.

He was still goddamn staring.

Vile pointedly cleared his throat. Before Vile could say anything, the Shunter spoke. Vile let out a sigh of relief which didn't show. At least he wasn't staring as freakily now.

"You're.. You're Lord Vile! The Cain bitch was right, this is a whole other dimension! And I found it!" Vile blinked at him under the mask. Um.. Okay?

"Stop. What is your name." It was a question, but the way he posed it made it seem like an order. He loved his ability to do that.

_So do I! Huzzah, we're besties! _

Wait, what? Oh, he did not need this right now. Stupid voice in head. Whatever, he did his best to push the nagging feeling which accompanied the voice to the back of his mind, but it's feeling -that nagging- persisted and Vile just did his best to ignore it. As long as it wasn't making smart-ass comments, he could handle it.

"Uh.. What if I don't tell you? Er, hypothetically."

Vile wanted to laugh. The not-so-great perks of being human was that he felt he urge to do things like laugh, or want to punch somebody's head off their body for an actual reason and not just for the sake of... punching somebody's head off.

"Then, _hypothetically_, I would reply that we already know your name is Silas Nadir," Nadir paled slightly, "And, that you are a dimensional Shunter from the universe of Darquesse herself."

Vile didn't sit, but walked over to him and tilted his head, observing even the slightest twitch on Nadir's part.

Nadir swallowed. "W-what do you want from me?"

Vile took a seat.

"I'm _asking_ for your help, Mr Nadir. I assume, since your attitude toward this.. Cain isn't exactly friendly, that you are not on her side."

Nadir frowned. "You're _asking_? Wow, you must seriously need me. Now, usually I'd just double cross you.. But you're Lord Vile and no, I don't like Cain. It's the bitch's fault I'm in this situation!"

Vile raised an eyebrow. This man was quite cocky, and Vile was feeling a not-so-odd-considering-he-was-a-mass-murderer urge to rip out his windpipe. But Vile _didn't. _ Personally, he thought he deserved a pat on the back for that.

"How?"

Nadir drummed his fingers on his leg, scowling. "She and that Skeleton detective. They made a deal with me, and cheated me out of it. Sent back to prison, me. Then I escaped, they forgot about me a while and now they're hunting me again. Had to send myself to this looney dimension. I would pay good money to see little miss Valkyrie die in a horrible, horrible manner. Extra if I get to do it."

So he hated this Valkyrie. Good. He probably shouldn't have blathered this much, Vile could easily have been on Valkyrie's side. But still.

"Well, Mr Nadir. If I asked you to shunt me over to this dimension or Shunt Valkyrie Cain to this one, would you do it?"

Nadir's head jerked up. "Depends. You people like Valkyrie?"

Cocky Bastard. Did he have any idea who Lord Vile was? He gritted his teeth and didn't let his voice or demeanor waver. "No. No, we don't, Mr Nadir. And we would like your help in.. capturing Miss Cain." Not. Vile was lying his ass off. But Nadir could be useful and he seemed to believe that he was much more important than he really was.

Nadir grinned. A classic serial Killer grin. Way to be original. "Then yes. I will. I.. I'm working with you?" "_For _me_,_yes. Are you in?"

"Hell yeah."

* * *

_**Skulduggery Pleasant Universe**_

* * *

...

Valkyrie punched a short, ugly man in the throat. Skulduggery sent twin streams of fire to deal with the others. Soon, all of the guys were knocked out or moaning in pain.

Valkyrie grinned. Oh, she'd forgotten how much fun this was. And she was glad that Pleasant and Cain were back in action. Skulduggery dusted his suit off, angled his hat just right again, beckoned her to follow, and walked through the door that the people currently lying around were guarding.

She followed, saw a bright, shining emerald sitting on a purple cushion in the middle of the room. How cliché. She walked closer, and saw the tiny mechanisms that surrounded said emerald. They'd slice her hand off if she just reached in. She turned to Skulduggery, who nodded, having already seen them.

Now, if the security around the gem was Magic-Proof,they'd call for those security specialists working for the Sanctuary. If it wasn't, they'd do it.

Skulduggery motioned with his hand and a gust of air gently lifted the Emerald out. It reached the edge of the pedestal or whatever it had been on, and, with a jolt it nearly hurled itself out. The emerald shot out, and barely missing Valkyrie, it moved in a straight line to the fireplace in the room. With his usual grace, Skulduggery managed to catch it with a wall of air which turned into a box of air.

He walked -no, strolled- over to it and easily caught it in his hand. He slipped it into his pocket and nodded at her. "Shall we?"

•••

They walked back to the car, got in. Skulduggery revved up the engine and she finally turned to him. "What is that thing, anyway? Why did _we_ need to get it?"

Skulduggery gave a long and exasperated sigh. Dramatic,since he really shouldn't be able to.

"Valkyrie, you have been briefed about this three times. Did none of that stick with you?"

"Nope. I was too busy thinking about how pretty I am." Well, she'd actually just zoned out focusing on just his voice, but he didn't need to know that.

Skulduggery shook his head. "If I had eyes, I'd be rolling them."

She rolled hers. "Yeah, yeah."

Skulduggery took a turn at an alarmingly high speed, and she yelped at the sudden swerving. She glared at him,knowing full well he'd done it on purpose.

"The emerald belongs to a Suspect in a heist case, of a Sanctuary warehouse. He claims he's brought the thing and it's not the emerald that was stolen, but Ghastly had his suspicions, so we've been sent to get it. We'll have to send it to be checked if it is the stolen one or not."

"So.. Why'd it hurl itself out?"

"Well, the security mechanism probably angled it so that it would shoot off into the fireplace, from where it would possibly be sent somewhere else or shifted to a very difficult to enter, possibly warded, room."

She nodded. "Kay."

"You didn't listen to a word I said, did you?"

"Nope."

Skulduggery sighed again and looked back to the road.


	6. Chapter 5

**Short little chapter before my exams. Because I'm a friggin nice person. If you don't review this I will personally punch you because I'm stressed and freaking out and cranky and I will FAIL OH GOD. **

**Ahem. Well then. Reviews,right.**

**_Libertied Insanity;_ FRET NOT, DEAR. It DOES_NT_ happen like that. There's a couple of twists coming which (I hope) you won't expect. But I dunno. Ah, Lord Bike. I'm seriously considering bringing him in. And I've been revising.. Sort of. I'll wish you luck with your exams if you pray for mine. (I am beyond help right now I need a miracle)**

**_luke16_; Heh, no problem. I always make sure to thank anyone who likes this fic. Because it brings my cold dead heart a little warmth. And you're absolutely right, I was considering bringing the Resistance in, but I wasn't sure about it.**

**_MehScrewIt_; You're well on the way to becoming one of the very few people I actually like. Kudos. Thanks, but, like I said, I'm beyond help. *throws both brownies **_**and**_** cookies at you***

**_DeadGirl;_ Here you have a SkulVal centered chapter, because even I have no idea what happens after that chapter. Maybe vaguely... **

**_Gomt8;_ Well.. I updated, didn't I? Plus I have an excuse. My extreme laziness.**

**_Guest;_ I'm guessing you're Luke? Yep, already did. **

**•••**

**Oh, did I forget to mention that Ghastly is alive? Well, he is. Because denial. And because I GODDAMN CAN.**

**Ok, some info here. Main points are:**

**Ghastly is alive.**

**Ravel was not a traitor.**

**China is Grand Mage, with Ghastly and Ravel as Elders. China is a bit ooc because I couldn't resist.**

**Everything else that happened went the same. Just.. Ghastly/Ravel just pulled a Gandalf and showed up at the end like nothing happened, Kay? Because I need them. **

**I actually have how this story is going to end vaguely planned out. You'll just have to wait and see. Trust me. (no, don't. I am a compulsive liar) Okay,Mathis A/N is half the story. Sorry. **

* * *

"Grand Mage Sorrows,"

Skulduggery announced as he strode into the room without bothering to knock, completely ignoring Tipstaff's angry attempts at stopping him. Valkyrie came in after him,ducking under Tipstaff's angry hand gestures.

Skulduggery stopped in front of China and nodded to Erskine and Ghastly. "Lady Erskina. Sire Ghastly Bespoken." Ghastly groaned and Ravel rolled his eyes. You would think he'd have gotten sick of it after a while, but nope. Skulduggery Pleasant seldom missed an opportunity to rub their positions in their faces. Not in the good way.

Valkyrie followed, standing a little to the side. "Hi, Ghastly. Hey,Ravel." Ravel waved at her, Ghastly gave an apologetic shrug. "I'd give you a hug, but Tipstaff might kill me with his glare." Ghastly, Ravel and Valkyrie looked back at Tipstaff, who was silently bubbling with frustration, randomly throwing his arms in the air and stalking off. Then coming back. It was almost hypnotic.

China sighed in her usual ladylike manner. "Detective Pleasant. You seem to forget a brand new invention called knocking. Or entering a room without breaking it off his hinges." There was an amused tone to her voice. "I assume you have acquired the Mayers Emerald?"

Skulduggery nodded. "Yes. It was unsurprisingly easy, since a Detective of my caliber calculated that it would probably have been protected with a Borryn system, and hence managed to catch it where most Mage would have failed."

China looked at him. "Naturally. Where is the Emerald?"

Skulduggery pulled it out of his pocket and tossed it to Ravel. "Catch."

Ravel suddenly whipped around, caught the Emerald by having it smack straight into his chest. It fell, he leaned back, juggled it around on his chest before he finally managed to properly catch it. Ghastly snickered. Ravel shot Ghastly a glare, and turned back to China with a sheepish smile. "Er, got it."

China whipped her head around to Skulduggery. "Do you have any idea how valuable that gem is!"

"Not that much, no, but I'm assuming Valkyrie here does." He turned to her. "Isn't that right, Valkyrie?"

She shuffled. "Um.. It's pretty big, so I'm guessing it's, um, very.. expensive?"

China stared at them both with a mixture of repulsion and horror. "Expensive?" She nearly shrieked, before composing herself. "Dear Valkyrie, of course it's expensive. In fact, it's quite near priceless. And hence" she gave a glare to Skulduggery which would have had another man groveling at her feet for forgiveness. "—I would appreciate it if you didn't fling it around in such a barbaric manner."

Skulduggery shrugged. China slumped in defeat. "Well. Now that you're here, we have another problem. Remember Silas Nadir?"

Valkyrie jerked slightly to attention. "Yeah. The Shunter."

China's eyes flickered between them both. "Yes. As you both know, Nadir escaped from prison a few years back, along with Nye." Valkyrie glanced at Skulduggery, noting that he was also actually paying attention.

"We captured Nye on a raid on a Faceless Ones Church, somewhere in America. How they managed to get him there is beyond me. They're just stupid-"

"Okay!" Ghastly interrupted. "-Either way, as soon as the problems with Darquesse were a bit settled, we sent out word to all Sanctuaries not to harbour him. This may seem like overkill, but he knew where Mevolent's Dimension was. If he wanted to, he could lead Mevolent here.

"Despite all this, we managed to catch him only when he snapped and killed three women. He didn't get through with the fourth one, and she told the Sanctuary that he'd talked to her, and that he was blaming you both for all this, since you cheated him out of a deal -what, nearly eight years ago. He holds grudges, apparently. Either way, we caught him and then lost him again. We don't know where he is, but we do know that he's shunted somewhere. We tried to see if we could find him with Creyfonte Signate, but we didn't exactly have a whole lot of time there. We can't have Mevolent discover our Mages -or Dimension."

Ghastly coughed slightly and pulled a water bottle out of literally nowhere, motioning to Ravel to continue. Ravel looked at Ghastly strangely, but continued nonetheless. "So, as far as we know, Nadir is running amok in Mevolent's dimension—"

"—but we don't think he's actually gone to Mevolent. He'd have been barely four years old during the time of the first war, and stories of Mevolent aren't painting him in the best light." China quickly cut in, annoyed that they'd stolen the 'briefing' from her. Not that it was brief, but still. "Besides, he doesn't know about Darquesse and Mevolent's fight. We think. Your mission will be to do your best to find and detain Silas Nadir. Capture him if you can. Kill him if you need to. Tipstaff will give you whatever information you need."

Skulduggery held up a hand. "Can _I_ talk? You people need to pause between your rehearsed speeches. Now, how exactly are we going to find Nadir? He could be anywhere on the planet, in Mevolent's dimension and in this one. He had plenty of time to get away before he was back on the wanted list. He could be under any Sanctuary's jurisdiction, and they wouldn't even know. He could even be in Ireland. So what, exactly do you want us to do about it? Mevolent doesn't exactly like us, and neither does the Resistance. If they still exist, that is."

China sighed, realizing Skulduggery's subtle system of blackmail. "I'll give you any cases you want for the next two months."

"Four."

"Three."

"Done. We'll go find Nadir now." Skulduggery happily declared and turned to go back out. "Come now, Valkyrie. We have work to do!"

Valkyrie shot an apologetic look at the three watching in confusion. Skulduggery sometimes acted freakishly happy these days. Mostly when she's come back to work with him at the start, now he only occasionally went on those bouts. For good reason currently, since he could now choose whatever case he wanted, instead of being stuck with ones he didn't want. Which also meant he could steal cases off of whatever Detectives annoyed him. His system of blackmail was surprisingly refined.

She followed him out to the car, where he got in with his usual grace. She followed suit.

"So," she finally began when they'd driven out onto the road. "how _do_ we catch Nadir?"

"Well," Skulduggery said hesitantly "I'll, uh, tell you later."

She rolled her eyes. She was doing that a lot. "You have no idea, do you?"

Skulduggery shrugged. "Nope."

She groaned, and leaned her head against the window.

"Are you sulking?"

"Yes. Yes, I'm sulking."


	7. sorrynotsorry

hey skull' val said as she wakled into th room 'i waz thinkin g that meybe it s lord vile doing all this'

OMG VAL' skull said 'that s amasig we shud clebrate. "WOW YEah thatis so cool yes lets'

Valkyrie called china ghastly Tanith and we'll nobody since she didnt have friendz.

They all cam In and everyybody got drunk skull got so wasted and ripped off his shirt ghastly rolled his eies snd Valkrie cryed.

then their was a loud BANG

BANG

Tanith and Valkyeir screemed very loud 'OMFG WAT HAPPEN' ghastly ran into the room from the kichen and then yelled it was...

...lord vile!

'It is i lord vile bow too mah powah

Thn his shadowy thing killed everybody in the rooom ecept for Val and skull &amp; then he left with a blast

Val cryed Skull! What do we eo! We r ded!"

Skullduggery put on his hat like wow

We should stop him... For that i will becom lord vile

Skull turned into vile and left Valkyrie she screamed and thot wat do i do


	8. Chapter 6

**Guys, guys _guys_.**

** I figured it out. I now finally understand. Why Derek does what he does. Why real authors are evil sons-of-bitches. It's because it's tucking amazing. It's hilarious. It warms cold hearts. This goes for the reviewers of Animal too. When somebody tells you how much they hate you in a review,etc? It warms your heart. **

**Right. Anyway, the previous chapter. I suppose I should be sorry about that. But I'm really not. It was hilarious. Everybody (literally) was asking me what the hell I was thinking, whether I'd gotten drunk,etc etc. And I loved it. Every second of it. I wrote it, yes. I was thinking about writing it for ages, and then I did. It was awesome. I'm not going to reply to those reviews, because every single one of them says the same thing, and I'm trying to keep this Author's note short. As to make the story bit look longer. It's 2518 words. That is big for me. Luckily, I already have the next chapter written. You're welcome, bitches.**

**AND LOOKSIE HERE. WE HAVE NOT ONE, BUT THREE READERS SHOW THEMSELVES. WELCOME. **

**(And I have a beef to pick with you, Pheobe. And no, I will NEVER chill. Chilling is for losers. I live my life as a blubbering mess, and I'll keep doing that. *grins*) **

_**Reviews. Yay. And the reply method is probably changed again, because I'm too lazy to see what way I replied before. Meh.**_

_LiveWithLyrics; __It's no problem. I find keeping regular reviews/reads too. *sighs heavily*_

_MehScrewIt; __look at me, being all nice and giving you brownies and shit. Hmm, I'd love to do Vilequesse. Thing is, Darquesse was bazooka-ed, and bringing her back would cause a brand new shitstorm. But I probably will have one-sided Vilequesse. And maybe Vilkyrie. Hm, yeah. I like it._

_Libertied Insanity; __these days, I'm logged in more often then not. And yes, best summarizing ever. And um. Ummm. Right. Thanks? *squints at screen* Yep, yeah. Thanks. _

_DeadGrill (see what I did there) ; __Thanks. I think it may have part in the fact that my family is full of sass, and could easily be a sitcom. They(and Dr House) have somehow cultured me into a being of pure unfiltered sarcasm. Which helps when writing people who are as such. _

* * *

Lord Vile huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. He was bored. Again. He'd gone out to kill people, had had ohsomuch fun, and now he was bored again. Didn't he have some quest to do? Oh, yeah. That Valkyrie girl. He'd already sent Nadir for that, but..

He should really get back to that. Really should. He sighed, took a minute to revel in how good it felt to actually _sigh_, and then realized how damn hungry and thirsty he was. His throat burned slightly at the taking in of air. His tongue felt clumsy and dry. Of course, he hadn't eaten in hundreds of years. The body's (sorry, _his_ body's) functions were returning. Well, he was screwed.

He managed to yank himself out of his seat and stood, groaning slightly. His joints seemed to creak. Damn, walking was going to be hard. How long had he been sitting there anyway? He sighed again and shadow-walked near the corridors of the palace kitchens.

It would really be awkward if Vile showed up and randomly took food or hell, even asked a maid to get it. After not bothering for what, three hundred years? What would he even say, 'Surprise, I'm not a skeleton anymore and I want food!'. Yeah, right. He didn't really do well with awkward. His solution to _all_ his problems(—literally, _all_) was kill, not talk. What to do, what to do? Wait, he was Lord Goddamn Vile. He could friggin do this.

-a few hours later-

Finally, finally the last maid left the kitchen. He'd been skulking around in the shadows waiting for his chance to swoop in for _hours_. Highly undignified, but it wasn't like anyone was reading about what he was doing anyway. He moved his hand and a few things left on the main table **(Think Downtown ****Abbey)** to cool or whatever covered with shadows, and when said shadows skirted away, the plates were gone. He paused, and grabbed a jug of water too.

Back in his quarters, he scarfed down the food with all the gracefulness of a rabid dog. The water had felt astonishingly good, and now he was finally feeling okay. And God, he was sleepy. So sleepy.. He didn't even feel himself drop to the ground and sink into blissful darkness.

* * *

Valkyrie groaned and rolled to her side as she slid off the wall she'd been hurled into. She'd dislocated her shoulder, perhaps broken it. Damn. "Skulduggery!" She managed to croak out. He whipped around to look at her.

"Behind you."

Skulduggery whirled and caught the sorcerer who had launched himself at him with a punch that, according to the crack that sounded, had broken his jaw. The man howled and collapsed.

Skulduggery walked over to her. "You okay?" He asked, holding out a hand. She grimaced, and nodded, taking his hand with her good one. "Amazing."

He tilted his head in a way that implied he was rolling his eyes, and pulled her up. "If you could tone down the sarcasm, people might actually like you." He grumbled, huffing in mock anger.

She put her hands on her hips, and quickly put them back down at the jolt of pain. "Right, and I suppose you're a massively loved figure in the world."

"Why, yes, I am. Thank you for noticing."

She rolled her eyes at him. "Yeah, yeah. Now can we get back? I'm starving."

Skulduggery looked at her almost fondly before answering. "We have to wait until the Cleavers or Sanctuary Operatives get here, it'll take a half-hour at the least. They'll take him. There is absolutely _no_ way I am putting him in my car." Skulduggery nodded toward the man unconscious on the ground with disgust. "Look at him. He's filthy. And who even wears crocs?"

She glared at him. "Can you stop your fashionista-ness for, like, twenty minutes? I'm in pain."

"Aren't we all, though? And no, I can not and will not." His tone was light, but the way he kept carefully watching her, head tilted in that way, told her that he was worried about her. "Skulduggery, relax. I'm fine. I've had much worse, you know that."

She looked at him blankly when he didn't immediately reply with a sarcastic retort. "Skul—"

"Don't move, missy." An oddly familiar voice cut through the suddenly silent room like a knife. She knew that voice. Years ago, but still. She couldn't really place it right now. What she could place was the all-too-familiar sixth sense of a life-threatening-device-pointed-at-her was tingling.

"Silas Nadir." Skulduggery spat at him, "Get your gun away from my partner. Now."

_Ah. Gun. _

Nadir stepped closer instead, and a very, very sharp knife was pressed against her throat before she had time to react. A gun was shoved somewhere over her lungs. Punctured lungs and slit throat. Not that bad of a death, considering. "Nadir," she began. "what a coincidence. We were just looking for you."

Nadir laughed. "Well, this is just a whole range of coincidences. We were lookin for you all too." She frowned. "We? What does that—" the knife suddenly pressed tighter, drawing blood. The gun's safety clicked off. "No. You don't get to ask the questions here, _Miss Cain_."

Skulduggery stepped forward. "Don't you dare," he said "touch my partner again." Nadir looked at him. "Step closer and she dies, right here, right now. No more Darquesse, huh? No amazin healing."

Skulduggery froze, almost imperceptibly, knowing Nadir wouldn't hesitate to do it. "And lower the gun." Nadir added helpfully. Skulduggery went rigid in a way that said anger, and that he would most definitely be scowling/glaring had he had a face. But despite the frustration bubbling under his calm surface, he lowered the gun and put it on the ground slowly, not making any sudden movements. Valkyrie's life was important. Very. She couldn't be compromised.

Nadir laughed slightly. "Now, Mister Skeleton. We're going to have a nice little talk. With Missy here as insurance. But I'm not going to kill her. Not yet, anyhow." Skulduggery shifted, oddly confused. "You're.. not?"

"No, siree. But my, uh, employer, -of sorts- wants Miss Cain, and there's no knowing what he's gonna do to her. I was not privy to that information, but the eventual demise of Miss Cain was heavily implied." "What do you want to talk about? Is it my suit? Not as good as when Ghastly really has his head in the game, but still amazing, don't you think?"

Valkyrie glared at him. "Will you _never_ give up an opportunity to talk about your fashion sense? I think we have higher priorities here!" She whisper-shouted/hissed the second part. Nadir nodded. "Listen to the girlie."

"And your opinion isn't required either." She muttered the sentence under her breath. Thankfully, Nadir didn't hear her, and continued. "I'm going to take Miss Cain on a little trip. I can tell you that _I_ won't be killing her unless she herself forces me too, or my.. Employer tells me I can. And to be quite honest, he scares me a lot more than you do, Skeleton."

"And who, exactly, would this Employer be?" "Can't tell you that bit. Real sorry. Not really. Now, I would most definitely prefer it if you didn't come along. This is purely for your well-bein, of course." Nadir smiled cruelly. "And now I'm going to take Miss Valkyrie Cain with me, and you're going to watch."

Before Nadir could even begin to Shunt, Skulduggery snapped his palm and the doorknob shot out and hit Nadir perfectly on the brow. Another something shot out (-she hadn't been able to see it, due to the speed at which it'd whizzed by-) and clubbed him on the ear. He howled and stumbled away from her, dropping the knife to clutch at his bleeding ear. The other hand did the same to his possibly-bleeding-more brow, although still holding the gun. She turned and launched a roundhouse kick to the side of his face.

Before she could hit him again, he pushed her away, and immediately began to flicker, and she stumbled as far away from him as possible. She definitely did _not_ want to go to Mevolent-verse again. The last times had been bad enough, and now everybody double-hated her there. Skulduggery turned, already knowing it'd be useless to try to get at Nadir now, and avoid being transported into another dimension. He ignored Nadir and ran over to her, examining her shoulder, checking how badly it was injured. Satisfied that Nadir hadn't jostled a broken shoulder, he stepped away. She crossed her arms and glared at him. "Well," he said meekly, sagging slightly at her glare. "at least we found Nadir."

"As soon as we get back, I'm going to destroy at least five of your hats."

"How is any of this _my_ fault?"

"Shut up."

"That doesn't even make any sense."

"I said, shut up."

"Yeesh. Val, is it that time of the month again? Because I'm starting to think that you and Ghastly are syncing."

She looked scornfully at him. "No. I'm grumpy because I _have a possibly broken shoulder. _And what do mean about Ghastly?"

Skulduggery took out his phone. "Judging by the eight missed calls and twenty four messages, the power Nadir gave off when he shunted was detected by the Sanctuary. And if I had to guess, I'd say they're coming in two minutes, tops."

She grimaced in pain and nodded. The adrenaline had worn off, leaving her shoulder burning. She didn't realize that a simple thing like this hurt this much. She'd had much worse injuries than this, and she'd been fine. Damn, a simple five years had mellowed her out.

"Ah, they're here."

* * *

Back at the Sanctuary, Synecdoche had patched her up, and handed her a tube of clear gel, telling her to rub it in every few hours. She'd huffed, but agreed and pocketed it.

She pulled on her jacket, wincing slightly, and walked back into the Throne Room. Ghastly, Ravel and China sat in their posh, royal-y way, talking to Skulduggery. "—so, you found Nadir? And he.. He's working for someone who wants Valkyrie?" Ghastly's brow was furrowed.

"Yep."

China cut in. "Do we have any idea who he could be working for? Detective?"

"Hm? Well, yes— oh. Hi, Valkyrie. So, First thing we know is that they are most probably based in an Alternate Universe, Mevolent's. We can also assume that Nadir is working for them out of his own free will, which could mean two things. One, that these people or person knows what they're doing, and has either carefully manipulated Nadir into doing this or simply shares his hatred both for me and Valkyrie. Two, that whoever this is, it's not a low-level person or organization. Nadir said that his Employer scares him a lot more than either of us, which is saying something. This is a powerful person."

China gave another of her lady-like sighs and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Right. So, we've lost Nadir again?"

Skulduggery faltered. "Um, yes. But we do know that he's in Mevolent's Dimension. I think. Perhaps. There's a high chance."

"It's a guess. Brilliant. Besides, even if he is in Mevolent's dimension, how can we know where he is?"

"Dublin-Within-The-Wall," Valkyrie answered, suddenly realizing. "That's where he is. So, if he did shunt back, he'd Shunt back into Dublin. Our Dublin. So, technically, that's where we should be headed."

Skulduggery looked at her, and nodded. She thought she saw a hint of pride in his posture. "Valkyrie is absolutely right." He paused. "For once."

Valkyrie, who had been smugly smiling at the first part of the sentence reverted back into her 'death-squint' expression. It scared a lot of people. Skulduggery didn't even flinch.

Ravel smirked slightly at their banter, wondering if he was going to win The Bet. The Bet being when Skulduggery and Valkyrie would accept their feelings for each other. He'd bet that it'd be in November, this year. This Bet was one of massive proportions. Hence why it was called The Bet. It'd been renewed when Valkyrie had come back. More than half of the entire Sanctuary was in it, so were China and Ghastly. He was pretty sure more than a few Necromancers, those Spider-people, and Mages of different of at least a dozen Sanctuaries were in on it too.

Ghastly hid a smile. China discreetly rolled her eyes. "Detective Pleasant and Cain, then you both need to get to Dublin and figure out what whoever else this is, and what they want with Detective Cain. You also need to possibly capture them, and definitely take down Silas Nadir, before he decides to start working with Mevolent instead."

Skulduggery and Valkyrie nodded, in sync at usual. They exited back into the Bentley. Valkyrie couldn't help but feel an old surge of love for the car, frowning slightly to herself when she realized that it extended out to the owner.

Skulduggery, whose façade had been on for whatever reason, grinned at her.

"We found Nadir."

"And then lost him."

He sagged. "Yes,yes. But focus on the bright side. We found him."

She pursed her lips and leaned against the door.

"Are you sulking _again_?"

"Shut your face."

* * *

Ugh. Stupid Dublin. Stupid Nadir. Stupid Sanctuary. Stupid Detective.

She scowled as she trudged along Dublin after Skulduggery. It was around ten pm, last time she'd checked, so that meant no going home until eleven. At least. Ugh. She looked around at the people still spilling in and out of night clubs and pubs. How the hell were they supposed to find Nadir? Run around the streets yelling 'Nadir! Nadir! Where are you? Here, boy. Here!"

"Skulduggery!" She called after him. "Slow down!" He made a lot of impatient gestures, but stopped all the same. "You've gotten soft. All those years in America. Humph."

She scowled at him. "Shut up,now let me catch up." Before she could even move, somebody hopped (yes, _hopped_) out of nowhere and latched onto her. She nearly yelled out, but managed to rein it in at the last moment. Her ego couldn't have that, after all.

Skulduggery immediately went for his gun, but Nadir had already begun to shunt when he'd jumped at her. She could feel the world giving way around her.

Ah, well. It seemed as if she was going to take a trip to Mevolent's universe after all.


	9. Chapter 7

**Hola! I'm going to make this note short. (Not.) since the actual story is barely 2k words. Hum. Next update will probs take a while, since I have yet to write it.**

**AND HAS ANYBODY WATCHED AVENGERS:AGE OF ULTRON? I watched it yesterday. It. Is. Amazing. Not a real long age, but meh. Ultron was soo sassy holy fuck man. Oh, new favorite character. Jarvis. Or The Vision. Does anybody wanna rant Marvel with me? PM me this instant.**

**Oh, thanks to luke16 who pointed out a very valid thing. Thanks, bro. **

**• The thing is, finding actual alternate dimensions is very difficult, nearly impossible. Nadir or someone says this is book 7. So, they're _assuming_ that Nadir is in Mevolent's universe, because, really, there's few other options. Hence Valkyrie directly thinks that she's being taken to Mevolent's Universe. She doesn't _know_ for sure. Also, it's explained in chapter 5, China (or Ghastly, can't really remember) is saying that. Also, Skulduggery says they are _most probably _in Mev's Dim. To quote_,_**

**_ "Um, yes. But we do know he's in Mevolent's dimension. I think. Perhaps. There's a high chance." "It's a _guess_. Brilliant. Besides, even _if_ he's in..."_**

**Oh, I forgot to add this in last chapter. Remember the bet? Well, you guys get to bet too! Give me characters or just say when you think it'll happen in the reviews. Everybody's welcome. You can say so whenever, like 'in Chapters' or 'in weeks' or 'in days'. Hell, choose any form of time you like. Not years, please. Have pity for the author. And you can bet your character's money or you can bet humiliating acts, or objects, or being forced to write a NOTP yerself. And I am the almighty God in this. I choose. Good luck, bitches.**

**Does anybody want Vile's pov for this? Backstory or something. What he's thinking? Because I kinda want to write it.**

* * *

_Gomt8_; Thank you! Well, I suppose we can only wait and see. Who knows? Oh, right. Me.

_ValkyrieKane_; Dude. *high five* that's genius. New level of respect for you. And I do really want to do something like this.. But no. I'm not. Although you have reminded me of an idea I had. Again, we'll wait and see. *evil grin* It won't b what you'll expect though.

_LibertiedInsanity_; You're sick? Noooo! Actually, she realizes that she feels similar lovey feels toward the car's owner, aka Skulduggery. I'm giving you intense Valduggery hints here, people! Don't worry,I won't kill the hats. That many.

_DeadGel_; *beams* *hugs* *falls*

_Luke16_; It's above. Thanks for pointing that out!

_Phoebe_; I just watched it yesterday online, on your command. It's real good,actually. And OHMYFUCK THEY GOT OBAMA. AHAT. WHAT.

Ahem. I suppose we have. And here's another cliffy for you! *dodges punch* yay!

_MehScrewIt_; You better, lady! *squinty eyes* Speaking of Vile, I may or may not have written a little bit for a sorta smutty Vilkyrie. Don't kill me, I doubt I'll ever post it.

Just wanted to get that out there. I have a start to a sorta smutty Vilkyrie. Does anybody want me to finish it/post it?

* * *

Valkyrie appeared in a dingy alleyway, Nadir holding onto her shoulders. She cringed slightly at that. Nadir grinned at her, cackled, _—he actually _cackled_—_ then turned away, ran, and shunted away before she had a chance to run or to get a hold of him. Had he been taking lessons in moving really fast or something? Yeesh.

She gave a silent groan, turned to inspect her surroundings. A surprisingly clean area, but the paint on the walls was visibly peeling, and water splotches were leaking through the plaster.

It was still, however, dirty and it seemed as if nobody had even deigned to come here for years. But the quality -no,wait- she didn't know what exactly it was, but she knew this was Dublin-Within-the-Wall.

Shit.

If any of Mevolent's men -or any sorcerers,really- saw her, they would either run away or try to kill her. Seeing as she was quite similar to Darquesse,they'd assume she was her. That was both a good thing and a bad thing.

She sighed. And wondered how long it would be before she got back. A bright flashing light swept over the wall to her right. Patrols. The security would probably have been increased hundredfold, after Darquesse's little visit.

She moved left, her head disappearing from where the light passed by not an instant too early. She ducked and ran, out into the street. It was dark, and she was thankful for that. It would be harder to see her.

Due to the flashing lights, she briefly caught sight of the groups of mages stationed at corners and sweeping through alleyways. So far, she hadn't done anything suspicious, and her clothes weren't brown. And it was dark. So she could do this. She was Valkyrie Cain,after all.

She set off down toward the opposite street, where the patrols had already passed by, and quickly walked down it. She wanted to run, _but that wouldn't exactly be inconspicuous,would it? _She could practically hear Skulduggery's voice in her head. She smiled slightly and rounded a corner,slowing down. Satisfied she hadn't crashed into anybody, she sped up her pace again. It was darker here, and she could barely see where she was going. All she could do was hope nobody would find her.

However, that worked out as well as her luck usually did.

She crashed -quite literally- into a tall man, _the same height as Skulduggery_, the voice in her head piped up. The man wore a dark grey coat, exquisitely tailored. It fit his broad shoulders and form perfectly, and stopped a few inches below his knees, designed that way. She couldn't see his shirt. It was too dark.

All this had happened in the course of barely two seconds. She began to fall,before she could catch herself. The man seemed to freeze up for a second but his instincts seemed to kick in and he grabbed her before she could hit the ground. Hard.

"Oh my Zeus, are you alright,miss? I am so so sorry, I didn't see you there, I—" he caught sight of her face.

He froze.

"Shit. Shit. You're her?" His eyes widened —a glassy light green, shimmering even with the lack of light. Wow, he had really pretty eyes— and he stepped back. "Please. Please. Don't kill me, I won't tell anyone about this, please, I -I"

She could use this is an advantage. She spoke, her voice hopefully low yet confident. "Are you with Mevolent or against him?"

He looked confused, briefly, but tried to stutter out a response. " I -I -I uh,"

She held up a hand. "Remember, I can tell when you're lying."

The man, still terrified,managed to bring out a proper response this time. "A-a a -a against him. I'm with the-the Resistance. Or was. I haven't heard from them in a while." He was still watching her like a startled rat. It was comically ridiculous.

She nodded. "Good. Where do you live? Who do you live with? What's your job?"

The man just stared at her blankly, his face a definition of the word Confused.

"Well? Answer me!"

He snapped back into focus. "Uhh, I live a few streets away. I'm nobody except an office worker. I file things. I live alone."

She nodded slowly. "And when was the last time you heard from the Resistance?"

"B-before you came around, Ma'am. The l-last time. One of my friends in the Resistance,Jim, told me. He saw you there. You hurt Mevolent. With a horse."

Okay. Then the Resistance hadn't warned him against her. If they still existed,that was. But she wasn't going to get anywhere if he continued to be a paralyzed idiot. "Okay. Here's a surprise for you. I'm not Darquesse."

He stepped back, now looking at her like she had a mental disorder. "Um, ma'am, has anyone ever mentioned you look a hella lot like her?" He had a weird accent. Sort of in between British and Farmer. Eh, new trend probably.

She nodded. "So I've been told. Darquesse was actually my... evil reflection. It's a long story."

He nodded, then his face suddenly went slack, panicked. "W-wait,what if Mevolent's men find me? I'll die a horrible death. "W-w why should I help you?"

Shit. "Because.. You'll be working against Mevolent, and for.. right moral standards. Besides, I could easily be Darquesse right now. You know nothing." It wasn't the most solid argument. She'd probably be the worst lawyer in the world, but for the moment, it looked like it'd done its job. That, or this guy was just stupid.

He stared at a point on the wall,blankly. He sure did that a lot,this guy. Then sighed, and motioned for her to follow him. "The patrols are goin to be sweeping through here ag'in, miss. Come quick."

Valkyrie followed him, albeit warily. It had been a sheer stroke of luck that she'd stumbled across such a moron. Almost too lucky. Besides, she wasn't going to trust a random stranger. What if he was actually a psychopathic serial killer? Nah,that was too far-fetched, even for her.

Perhaps— lost in her thoughts, she crashed into the man _again_. He'd reached the doors of a reasonably good looking house, if a little shabby at closer inspection, and turned around. That was what she'd noted, almost in slow motion, as she crashed into a rock-hard chest. He'd caught her again, by the waist this time. They both blinked blankly at each other, and she had a moment to appreciate how good-looking he was. Even better from up close. He seemed to be inspecting her,too. He suddenly released her, stepping away awkwardly. "Well,we're here."

She followed him into the house,keeping her power at her fingertips. She'd gotten much much better at controlling it, thank god. She looked around. They were in a small, not too dirty hallway. He turned in at the first door to the left. She slowly followed him, sweeping her eyes over the hallway just in case anyone was lying in wait. It was pretty dark in here. Lord Vile would probably feel right at home, if it was darker, bloodier and/or strewn with dead bodies.

She shook the thought out of her head. Right now she needed to focus. She followed him in, saw that he'd led her into what seemed to be a kitchen. It was a lot like the kitchens back in her universe. She almost laughed. The most technological advancement they had was in _kitchens_. Damn kitchens.

The man nodded to the small table set slightly off-center in the kitchen. "Sit, if ye want." His accent was confusing, a random mix. She filed it away in her mind and dismissed it currently, many sorcerers had accents like those.

She took a seat. It was a small table, seated two. She cast an eye over the kitchen, lingering on the man's broad shoulders beneath the coat. "Would ye fancy a cuppa?"

"Yes, please. If it isn't a bother." She knew about taking something from a non trusted person, and Skulduggery had said, once: _Keep an eye on them. Make sure they drink first. If they don't poison or drug you, it means they have no _immediate_ plans to kill you._

The man nodded and pulled out something from the cabinets, and set a kettle on the a few minutes, he turned to her, easily balancing two cups in his hands. " 'ere you go."

She nodded, picked up the cup and set it down, as if she had plans to drink it when it got cooler. The man seemed to realize he was still wearing the coat, set his cup down and shrugged the coat off in one fluid move, revealing a dark cobalt blue button shirt. He unbuttoned his sleeves and folded them, and she noted the same number of folds on each side. She also noted the nicely toned forearm, and that the shirt was just that little bit tighter than necessary, showing off his form quite nicely.

The man took a seat across from her, blew on his cup slightly and drank it. He set it down, turned to her with a curious expression. "Ye said something about an evil reflec'on, right? What did you mean by tha'?" She took a single sip from the tea, and checked for any of the usual signs of poisoning, a slight drowsiness, or any slight loss of feeling in limbs, pins-and-needles, the works. Checking for things like that worked surprisingly often.

She sighed. "Darquesse wa- _is_ my true name. She can be here when I call her. We're, uh, connected." This was a load of bull, but hopefully scaring him enough to not kill her would get her a single friend. Well, sort of. Hopefully.

"Oh." He said, clearly not understanding. But he didn't press it. "Darquesse almost beat Mevolent, didin' she! But he won, didn't he? Then she ran. From him and his two generals. But then she came back!"

"Yes, Darquesse is really powerful. She could have defeated him, but she'd been running low on energy that time, and wasn't really interested." Wow. She should become an author. Or actor. The stories she was coming up with.

He asked her a few more questions, to which she replied with one word answers or with an amused look at his enthusiasm.

"—I heard you fought Lord Vile, and won! Did you?"

She shrugged. "Well, sort of, yeah."

His eyes widened. "That is so amazin. Lord Vile is the most terrifying person I've seen. Well, after Mevolent, of course. And Darquesse. How did you do it? Didn't those shadows of his skewer ye?"

She shrugged, again. "Well. Yeah, but I'm still here."

"What would you do if ye met 'im again? Can you beat 'im a secon' time?

"I don't know. Probably. Probably not."

"Ah, well. Hey, can I ask ye somethin else?"

She raised an eyebrow. "You've done nothing but ask me questions." He was about to reply, when she held up a hand, pausing him in his tirade. "Time for me to ask a question. I haven't gotten your name yet."

The man laughed, once again. To her slight surprise, his laugh had changed. Instead of the cheery, if forced laughter, this was true laughter. And it was nearly the scariest sound she'd heard. Also the sexiest. It was dark, raw, amused and told you more than his words could.

She leaned back in her chair, prepared to run at slightest notice.

Too bad for one of the leading detectives at the Irish Sanctuary, she hadn't noticed the shadows that had wrapped themselves around her ankles a while back. The man's laughter had lasted barely four seconds. His face suddenly turned stark and he picked up his coffee cup and leaned closer to her, across the table. "How rude of me." An oddly familiar voice was heard. The ridiculous accent dissipated, turned into an Irish one.

A velvety smooth, flawless voice spoke. "I should have introduced myself." Her brain had frozen, she couldn't form a useful thought,except that she should not be here right now and she was most certainly probably going to die.

If only she could place who exactly it was, she knew it, but her brain was in denial, so she couldn't think of it.

"Most people call me Lord Vile."

_Oh, fuck._


	10. Vile, chap 7

**I HAVE A DREAM. THAT ONE DAY MY CHAPTER LENGTHS WILL BE CONSISTENT. **

**Fret not, I will reply to the reviews, but in the next chapter. I'm way too lazy now, and you can just marvel at this 4000 word chapter, the longest yet. Personally, I think this and the last is one of my best. And a person you might know makes an appearance! Note, he will be explained later on. **

**Side note, my Nadir is going to be canon-divergent. The events of Theatre Of Shadows (damn I've been meaning to put this five chapters ago) are either going to be ignored, or just not mentioned at all. Oh,and the 13th Precinct is a slight reference to abc's _Castle_. A few characters from different shows might be making cameos. The Precinct is basically a sort of Department who're basically detectives and shit. Not.. What was it? City Mages. And neither Redhoods. They don't work exclusively with the Sanctuary, but listen to any and all orders given. I'm slightly concerned with how Vile sounds like he's from the ghetto, but forgive me.**

**Also, if you were a bunch of guys (aka DeadMen) during wartime, don't you think you'd spend the time with sex jokes and expletives? Skul _was_ Vile-ed up during wartime, you know. **

**L****et's just assume everybody forgets about the Web for now. Or just that they weren't using it cause it broadcasts straight to Mevolent?**

* * *

He sighed, and resisted the urge to punch Nadir's head off his body. He'd met a lot of little shits, but this guy took the topmost spot. Even _Mevolent_ was a reasonably chill guy. "Nadir." He got out through gritted teeth. "All you had to do was get Valkyrie Cain and come back. It was a simple. Fucking. Operation."

Nadir shuffled his feet, looking down at them. One hand held a cloth to his still-bleeding brow. "The other detective. Pleasant. He, he got me good."

Vile exhaled slowly. He held up a finger. "Give me a moment." He turned and shadow walked to Mevolent's quarters and helped himself to one of Mevolent's most precious bottles of Scotch. He grimaced as the liquid burned itself through his throat. God, he'd used to have been able to down these as easily as water. True, that might've had something to do with him having been borderline alcoholic, but dealing with Nadir required people to be at least a _little_ bit drunk.

He shook his head to clear it, and shadow-walked back to the complete moron whose only thoughts seemed to revolve around murder. Vile could appreciate a nicely planned murder, and even he grudgingly admitted that Nadir was one of the best in the serial-killer business. But the discreetly planning business? Nope. Hell, if anyone should have been twitchy without constant killing, it should've been Vile, considering his mass-murdering villain status. He was a villain, and completely happy with it. Just because he was talking a bit more didn't mean that he wasn't. And those villain-y senses were tingling right now.

"You wasted time on a speech, didn't you?" He could tell. The problem with these morons was their need for speeches. Vile didn't do speeches, and look where he was. The top of the evil chart. With the exceptions of Mevolent and that Darquesse gal. He'd liked her. She'd pissed him off, and he hated her for nearly defeating him multiple times, but still. She _had_ been insanely hot. Right. Not-so-hot guy right here.

Nadir shifted his feet and looked away guiltily. "..yes."

Damn you, fuckboy. Damn you. Stupid 'villains' and their stupid speeches. He hated them all. In fact, he hated everybody. Oh, yes. It felt good to be back. The hunger had mellowed him out for a bit, made him almost _nice_. Ugh_. _Now he was back and as evil as ever. Goody.

"You will," he said,and put the promise of violence and death into the sentence, "Go and get me Valkyrie Cain within two days, at the very most. Do you understand me?" Nadir swallowed, and looked as if he was going to shit his pants, all earlier confidence having crept away.

"Yep." He said, trying his best at regaining the confidence which had run for the hills. He made no move. Vile debated cutting off his leg and feeding it to him, but decided against it. This Valkyrie was good, he knew that. Probably not the best move to cut off his leg.

"Then _go_, you imbecile."

"Oh! Yeah! I'm going to bring her back in Dublin, maybe at night. I won't go in the day, too dangerous... hey, will they even be in Dublin?" Vile looked at him. "They have Skulduggery Pleasant. You're lucky they'll probably end up in Dublin, because that is quite possibly the worst 'plan' I've ever heard. Now _scat_."

He got up and left,visibly shaking with fear. Oh, fuck yes. Lord Vile was back in business. And didn't he have to put his oh-so-brilliant plan into action?

* * *

"Lord Vile," Agent Devlin Bronze of the 13th Precinct said with a slight bow,aka just bending slightly at the waist. "what would you want me to do for you?"

Vile leaned back in his throne-chair. This plan had been meticulously planned out, due to his being one of the best fucking Generals Mevolent had ever had. "Bronze." He replied gruffly. "You finally get work to do. First, tell me. The Patrols are done by the City Mages, **_(oh my fuck Booty Mages)_** are they not?"

Bronze looked confused but attentive. "Yes, sire." He brushed his hair back. Dark brown. Long. His appearance was much better this time, previous injuries gone. His eyes retained the silent look of judgement from the last time.

The Precinct was higher in ranking than the City Mages, which was good for Vile. "Hm. Alright, this is what you have to do. When the Shunter,—"

"Silas Nadir?" Bronze interjected. "Him, right?"

Vile glared at him, not that he could see it. "Yes, him. And don't you dare to ever interrupt me again." Bronze swallowed at this, realizing his mistake. He opened his mouth, presumably to apologize, but Vile cut him off. "Shut up. Now, eventually, or possibly never, he's going to Shunt back a girl with him. Tall. Black hair. Uncanny resemblance to Darquesse. Before this, you send word to the Patrols that when she does come, even though they will probably immediately realize when she does and come to stop her, they are not to. At all. They're going to be close enough to not make it any easier for her, but they are not going to capture her even if they do get a chance to."

He paused. Bronze slowly nodded at him, mulling this over. "Basically, they're going to fool her into thinking she's unknown and they have no idea about her when they really do. Make the kitten think it's a lion, then?" Vile nodded, pleased at his grasping the concept easily. "Then what else, sir?"

Vile tilted his head, thinking over the whole plan. It all hinged on Nadir's ability to be able to bring back one Valkyrie Cain, which he honestly didn't have that much faith in. "Be sure to keep it just hard enough that she doesn't suspect anything. Get a reasonably well kept house, tell me the location. Kill or evacuate the residents. Keep all Patrols away from me, since I myself am going to meet our dear Miss Cain."

"You're going yourself, sire?" Bronze did a very bad job at hiding his utter and complete shock.

"Yes. Also, get a teleporter at the ready, to get me into the vicinity when she arrives. Not that Remit. Nobody likes him." _I'd end up pulling that worthless ratstache off myself._

Bronze waited for a minute, and when it became clear that he wasn't going to get an explanation, he nodded and turned to walk back out. Almost at the door, he turned back to him.

"Any other things, Lord Vile?"

"And get me a tailor."

* * *

After the death threats to one of the best tailors in the Mage community, he'd ensured that he'd gotten his done in barely three hours. With a slight pang of regret that Ghastly Bespoke, who was still the best tailor he'd ever known of was dead. Not sadness or regret for killing him himself or at the loss of a life, but purely because he valued a good set of clothes.

He looked at himself in the full length mirror,and briefly wondered how the hell a person could be so damned _fine_. The shirt, slightly tighter than needed, a lovely dark cobalt. Black pants, paired with a dark grey coat. He'd have preferred a beige one, but that was probably too close to brown for the fancy-ass shits around these days. Vile didn't consider sorcerers any superior to Mortals, mostly due to the fact that he hated everybody equally. Except tailors. Wait, no. That would be hypocrisy. The only reason he considered mortals sheep was that they gave back literally no fight or challenge while he killed them. At least sorcerers, with their shitty attempts at doing him in, were funnier to watch die.

He looked at his gorgeous face, -_god he'd missed that- _and frowned slightly. While he did admit the stubble made him just that bit sexier, he also saw that it made him appear more rugged than necessary. Ah, well. He'd probably just put up some kind of ridiculous accent. Pretend he was from some farm, poor or something. Hopefully, she'd ignore the sheer quality of his clothes, and focus on his hotness. He knew _he_ would.

* * *

**_(Aaand Vile's ego makes a comeback)_**

* * *

He paced in front of his chair/throne. He was hoping Nadir hadn't fucked up, but he could never be sure. He groaned, and continued pacing. He'd shifted his shadows into his boots, they curled around his legs, writhing irritatedly. Every move of his elongated the shadows, sending them skirting along the walls. God, he hoped his acting skills were still workable. He'd gotten much, much better at controlling his facial expressions, but every once in a while, an insane grin or villainous laugh got away from him.

When was that teleporter going to get here anyway? Bronze had called by and introduced the teleporter, who was also a 13th Precinct worker. Vile was okay with that, the Precinct's people were generally much more tolerable than practically everybody else. What was his name? Arrow-maker Runs or something. Right, Fletcher. Fletcher Renn. He ran over what he'd collected about him in order to distract himself from the pain of Nadir's most-probably failure. Sandy blonde hair, nearly brown. Not short exactly, but not long either. About 5'11. Polite. Good-looking. Brown eyes. Scar along the back of his right hand. Slight limp. British. Teleporter. Street-smart. Intelligent, but in a unassuming way. Didn't smile much. Nose broken at least once. And-

"Lord Vile?" A voice startled him out of his frantic thoughts, not that he'd show that. His head snapped up. "What?"

"Nadir has brought Valkyrie Cain back. I believe you want me to teleport you near her?"

The teleporter. Right. He nodded slowly, brain working frantically. "Where is she?" "Watcher Alley. You'll want to be in along the back of Witcher Street then?" The teleporter's lips twitched slightly upward. He made quotation marks with his fingers. " 'accidentally' stumble across her?"

Vile raised a brow. "Yes."

Renn nodded, back in his grumpy state. He held up a hand and rested it on Vile's shoulder, and in an instant they were in the street he'd mentioned. He waved him off, Renn vanished.

He shook head slightly violently, taking a breath. Okay. He frowned slightly. It was too light in here. He sent his shadows along the couple of street-alleys, darkening up the entire area. Being an ultimate Necromancer had it's perks. He used said magic to track Cain's movements. Rounding up the corner.

He shadow walked himself closer, and timed it so that she ended up colliding with him. He didn't even flinch, but he somehow ended up catching her by her shoulders and keeping her up by some sort of long-forgotten instinct. Right. He was supposed to be a moron-farmer,who didn't know her.

"Oh my Zeus, are you alright,miss? I am so so sorry, I didn't see you there, I—" while internally watching in amusement, he pretended to catch sight of her face when she moved her head. He then did a very good impression of shock, if he did say so himself. He 'froze' for a moment, then took a mental deep breath and started bullshitting.

"Shit. Shit. You're her?" He gasped slightly and widened his eyes, and stepped back. "Please. Please. Don't kill me, I won't tell anyone about this, please, I -I" Haha. As if. He'd destroy her in an instant if she tried.

She spoke, her voice low and doing a bad imitation of confidence. "Are you with Mevolent or against him?" Her voice wavered slightly. Best to humor the girl.

She'd been with the Resistance if he remembered correctly, she'd been the one who'd shrieked that it was him to them, after all. He pulled his face into a confused expression, and pulled it off before he could ruin things by laughing. While he held it in quiet well, him pretending to stutter out a response became an actual stutter, while the laughter crept back up. " I -I -I uh,"

She held up a hand. "Remember, I can tell when you're lying." Oh, sweet Zeus, she was _adorable_. She was trying so hard to be intimidating, the sweet thing. Still pretending to be petrified, he reined in his laughter and thought back to the first time Darquesse had come into the picture. He hadn't seen much of the fight, but he had seen Mevolent get a horse thrown at him. That had definitely been the highlight of this century.

" A, a-aa-a against him. I'm with the-the Resistance. Or was. I haven't heard from them in a while." His eyes were comically widened now, and he was sure he looked hilarious. But hopefully convincing.

She nodded. Holy hell, she'd believed that. Wow.

"Good. Where do you live? Who do you live with? What's your job?"

He twisted his face into another look of pure confusion. Now, he could say that he hadn't been practicing in a mirror, but that would be a lie.

"Well? Answer me!"

He moved his head slightly, as if he was focusing again. "Uhh, I live a few streets away," _More like two,_ "I'm nobody except an office worker. I file things." Odd, that reminded him of that guy who kept saying 'I know things'. Who was it, Rueful something_. _"I live alone."

She nodded slowly. "And when was the last time you heard from the Resistance?"

"B-before you came around, Ma'am. The l-last time. One of my friends in the Reisitance,Jim, told me. He saw you there. You hurt Mevolent. With a horse."_ I'd say I loved you for that, but you can't even scare me, so I'm sure that was Darquesse. _

"Okay. Here's a surprise for you. I'm not Darquesse."

_Oh, yeah. I'm so fucking shocked. Who could possibly have guessed that? _He stepped back, now looking at her like she had a mental disorder. She honestly did, if she thought she could be scary.

Wait.

Wasn't he supposed to have a weird accent?

"Um, ma'am, has anyone ever mentioned you look a hella lot like her?"

She nodded. "So I've been told. Darquesse was actually my... evil reflection. It's a long story."

_I'll bet._ He nodded, then pulled his face into the worst expression of Baron Vengeous he could do. Zombie-Baron was hideously funny to imitate. His eyes were wide, so he supposed that was enough of the panic element.

"W-wait,what if Mevolent's men find me? I'll die a horrible death. "W-w why should I help you?" _Let's see how well you do under pressure._

"Because.. You'll be working against Mevolent, and for.. right moral standards. Besides, I could easily be Darquesse right now. You know nothing."

_Worst argument ever. 0/10. _He'd seen _Remit_ come up with better defenses. Still, he _was_ playing an idiot. He slowly nodded, like he was getting convinced. Time to enforce the fact that he was a moron. He stared at the wall. He'd done that before a couple of times, too. Then sighed, and motioned for her to follow him.

"The patrols are goin to be sweeping through here ag'in, miss." Damn, his accent was getting progressively weirder and weirder.

She was following him. Huh. He walked quickly, stopping in front of the house Bronze and Renn had shown him earlier. He turned to her, opening his mouth, not realizing she was right behind him. Before he could say anything, she'd crashed right into him, again.

Instinctively again, he caught her, by the waist. Well, since she was technically Darquesse, she herself was actually quite good looking. She had a hint of a scar on her cheek, he noted. Realising what he was doing perhaps a few seconds too late, he stepped away. Awkward. "Well,we're here."

He walked into the house first, aware that by the crackling she was using whatever power she had. Last he knew, she'd been an elemental, but this wasn't it. He had to watch out for that. He turned into the kitchen, knowing she was still following.

He walked, turned to her. Her lips quirked in a way that suggested there was something quite amusing to her. What, he couldn't fathom. He nodded to the small table in the kitchen. "Sit, if ye want."

He was aware that his accent was shifting oddly, probably due to the fact that he had no idea what accent he actually had. Eh,she'd just think he was one of those sorcerers. He turned toward the cabinets and pulled out a couple of cups. Well, mugs more like. Now he was turned away from her, he could finally close his eyes in a few moments of self-praise. She sat down.

"Would ye fancy a cuppa?" He asked, carefully not letting his smirk show in his voice.

"Yes, please. If it isn't a bother." He moved his head in a nod, and pulled out the things necessary. Going through the motions which Bronze had passingly mentioned. He was extremely thankful for that, and that put Bronze significantly higher in the 'People he Liked' list. Which consisted of barely five people. Huh.

He then turned to her, easily balancing both the cups. " 'ere you go."

She nodded, picked up the cup and set it down. She was probably waiting for him to drink first. Not as stupid then. He paused, remembering he was still wearing a very expensive coat. This place was not clean at all.

He shrugged the coat off in one easy movement, draped it across the back of the chair. He unbuttoned his sleeves and folded them the precise same three on each side. Again, something the tailor had told him a few centuries ago. Her eyes were roving around his figure, and he bit back another smirk and took a seat in front of her. He picked up his cup again, blew slightly on it and drank, not minding the scalding liquid as it burned down his throat.

He set it down, turned to her with a genuine curious look. "Ye said something about an evil reflec'on, right? What did you mean by tha'?" He still wasn't sure what exactly had happened, except that there were two exact copies of her and one of them had been Darquesse. She hadn't been the threat he'd briefly thought she was. That would be dear ol' Quessy.

She took a single sip from the tea, and sighed. "Darquesse wa- _is_ my true name. She can be here when I call her. We're, uh, connected."

_Bullshit. In fact, even bullshit is truer than that. The hell kind of answer is that, lady? _"Oh." He said instead, not getting a single thing. He didn't bother pressing, even though he wanted to. "Darquesse almost beat Mevolent, didin' she! But he won, didn't he? She ran. From him and his two generals. But then she came back!" Dear god, he sounded like a deranged farmer. Sigh. He curled a thick shadow around her ankles, just in case for later.

"Yes, Darquesse is really powerful. She could have defeated him, but she'd been running low on energy that time, and wasn't really interested." _False. She literally fell right in front of us. I was there when Mevolent zapped her, remember_!

He asked her a few more ridiculous questions, having given up hope of getting anything useful out of her. If she could bullshit, he could do it just as well as her. She differed between looking at him strangely, amusedly, and responded with short answers, which just made it more evident to him that this apparent great detective hadn't even asked for his friggin name yet.

"You must be real powerful, lady! Oh, I heard you fought Lord Vile, and won! Did you?"

She shrugged. "Well, sort of, yeah." _Hahahaa, no. No. Liarrrrr. _

Stupid farmer-ness. He was a buffoon right now. "That is so amazin. Lord Vile, is the most terrifying person I've seen," _damn right I am,_ "Well, after Mevolent, of course." _Humph. I think I could take him out if I attacked him in his sleep._ "And Darquesse. How did you do it? Didn't those shadows of his skewer ye?"

She shrugged, again. "Yes. But I'm still here." _No, they hit Darquesse. Not you. Stop lying!_

"What would you do if ye met 'im again? Can you beat 'im a secon' time?"

"I don't know. Probably. Probably not." _Most definitely not, I think the answer is._

"Ah, well. Hey, can I ask ye somethin else?" He'd given up, he _had_ been about to ask her what she would do if Lord Vile ended up being right here, but she held up a hand preventing him from doing so, and raised an eyebrow.

"You've done nothing but ask me questions." _Which you've given me worthless answers to._

He was about to reply, when she held up a hand, stopping him. "Time for me to ask a question. I haven't gotten your name yet."

Oh, goody. She was unknowingly helping him make an even grander reveal. And her amused expression and naivety finally caught up to him, and he couldn't help but truly laugh. Unlike regular vilain-y cackling, he was well aware that his voice and by extension, even laugh was somehow extremely hot and terrifying. He didn't laugh long, though, his lurking annoyance finally catching up to him.

She leaned back in her chair, prepared to run at slightest notice. Pity, she hadn't noticed the bounds around her legs. He abruptly cut off the laugh, face turning stark. He picked up his coffee cup and leaned closer to her, elbows on the table. "How rude of me." He said, his lovely, lovely voice finally coming into the picture. He hadn't realized it was possible to miss your accent. He let the smirk into his voice, lips curling up at one side.

"I should have introduced myself."

He was already irritated with this charade, and her sudden burst of fear was nearly a tangible thing. Absolutely delicious. Her eyes were wide, that expression of fear people usually associated with him.

"Most people call me Lord Vile."

She let out a small whimper.


	11. Chapter 8? 9?

**Blue Stahli's Kill Me Every Time was listened to at some point.**

**I'm on a piece of crap mini-iPad right now (not my usual sturdy one which actually lets me type properly) and so this is most definitely not my best work. The review replies took me a lot of effort, you know. **

**Also, I think this barely 1680 word thing was just for the A/N. Hey, remember back when I was like 'hey 1600 words wow'? Cause I miss back then.**

** Remember last chapter, when I said some guys might make a cameo? Well, when I was starved for a plot I dropped in '_K__ate Beckett'_ (Stana Katic. She. Is. _Gorgeous_.) from, again, Abc's Castle. With a passing mention of '_Richard Castle' _(Nathan Fillion).**

**The format's screwed up, I'm real sorry for that!**

**Reviews; **

**Libertied Insanity; **Heh, damn I wish I could. I really, really do.. But you remember that in Mevolent-verse, people had friggin flying carriages and shit right? So that'll make me like one of those guys who whip out an iPhone 6 in 1668 or something.

*pauses* It took me a while to decipher that. (Darling, she might have gotten hung(?) up on your hotness, but she still noticed the weird accent)

Absolutely amazing alliteration. Astounding! (*cough*look at mine I'm so cool jk btw*cough*)

His hair? It's normal, yay! That 'him looking diffy' part will eventually be explained, when I can fit it in.

**MehScrewIt; ***blushes* Thank you. Really.

Wait... You want it? Woah. Well, I can tell you I've gotten approximately 1800 words in which only the shirt gets off, and I'm honestly astounded by the crap I write. I doubt I'll post it, unless more people want me to. But I can PM it to you? God that seems wrong. *shrugs* *smirks* _Meh, screw it._

**Valkyrie Kane;** *sighs* Right.

**Phoebe Pleasant;** *bows* Why, thank you.

I did! (Seriously, it's literally 'a little bit') *wipes tear from eye* why must u hurt me this way

**AssholeExtrodinarie19_(jk DeadGirl i love u)_ ;** I'm glad you had fun _redwing_ it. And to counter the two actually good chapters, here have a steaming pile of 1600 word bullshit.

* * *

**I'm not the happiest with this chapter, but that's what you assholes get for the radio silence. **

* * *

"Most people call me Lord Vile."

She tried to get up, to run, to do anything, but the shadows tightened their bounds around her before she could. More sprang up and bound her arms to the chair. She swallowed, and looked back at him, then as her brain managed to get itself properly online, she frowned at his body and skin, and then looked back at his face.

He flashed her a grin and leaned back in his chair. "Like the upgrade? I managed to learn a couple of new tricks." He had a constant, almost mocking smile on his face. Not as much of a smile, even. Just a slight upturn of his lips.

She closed her eyes. Opened them. "Are you going to kill me?" she asked, her voice strong again. His smile grew slightly wider, turning into a smirk.

He tilted his head in what she recognised as in an amused way, and contrary to the answer she had been expecting, instead he said a simple, "No."

"What?" Despite being really happy at not getting killed at the moment, she could see no reason why he wouldn't. One, he was an insane mass murderer. Two, she had kind of fucked up his plans and stolen his boss' magic-sucking gun.

"Curiosity." He said simply. "I'll admit, it is a weakness. But then again, it is my_ only _weakness."

She licked her lips, doing her best to calm down. "What about?"

He shrugged in response. "You."

* * *

"China!" Skulduggery roared. "It's Nadir. He's taken her, goddammit."

Ghastly and Ravel immediately leaped up from their respective seats, making the same conclusions at the same moment. "What?" Both nearly yelled together at the same time. China, being China, was more sophisticated and only sat up straighter in her throne-seat.

"You found Nadir?"

Skulduggery stopped in front of the three Boss Seats, as Valkyrie liked to call them. "Yes. And he's taken Valkyrie. Shunted with her."

"How?" Ghastly snapped, calmer now but not by much. Skulduggery understood what Ghastly was really saying. How the hell did you let that happen?

"I didn't get a chance to react. If I'd shot, I'd've hit Valkyrie. Nadir grabbed her and shunted before I had a chance to follow him. Valkyrie had already shunted in the few seconds. I assumed he might've shunted back here for whatever reason, but I couldn't find him anywhere close by. Even if he had shunted back, he'd be back in the other universe by now."

Ravel frowned. "So, then, what do we do?"

Ghastly produced one of his best bitchfaces in response. "What do you think? Take Signate and go there, find Val and Nadir, and come back."

China shook her head the same time as Skulduggery did.

"No—" They both began at the same time, and China stopped, allowing Skulduggery to talk. After waiting a moment, he did. "It'll be a lot more complicated than that. Nadir's working for somebody, remember? We're only guessing this person isn't Mevolent because if he was, we'd all be dust right now. That is literally _the only _reason."

"Let's be optimistic, then. That's good enough reason. Continue." Ravel slowly lowered himself back into his seat, still frowning. Ghastly remained standing.

"And Mevolent's people don't exactly like us. Neither does the Resistance, now."

Ghastly shook his head. "We'll need to get into Dublin-Within-The-Wall,right? That part's easy, we shunt from here-Dublin."

China rubbed her right temple. "And when we do get there? They'll have patrols. And how do you propose we find Valkyrie?"

Ghastly looked at them disbelievingly. "You're- you're kidding, right? You all assemble a team with Fletcher in it, take a cloaking sphere and go there, find Valkyrie and come back, hopefully killing Nadir in the process.**" (When I was writing, it was exactly 666 words at this point, I can't stop laughing)**

Ravel looked at Ghastly, then back at Skulduggery and China. "He's right, you know."

China hesitated. "We should think this through—" Skulduggery turned to Ghastly now. "Ghastly, that's an amazing plan. We're doing it. China?"

China sighed, knowing she was defeated. "Yes. It is. _Bu__t._" She added sharply before either of them could interrupt her again. "We will think this plan through, arrange the things needed for a stealth mission, and _then_ we will go. What we will _not _do" she turned to specifically glare at Skulduggery, "is go in guns blazing and get everybody killed —or worse. Understand?"

Skulduggery looked as if he was debating the conditions, but then sighed and nodded. "Yes. But as long as everything is done as quickly as possible." Ravel nodded, as did Ghastly.

Skulduggery sighed and pulled off his hat and ran a hand over his skull. Damn, he missed hair. He put his hat back on. _Focus_.

Valkyrie. He'd only just gotten her back. He couldn't have her disappear again. Quite honestly, he was afraid of what would happen to him. He already had more issues than Vogue, and if Valkyrie died now then it would just be a middle finger flipped from whatever entity watched them. Plus, his already speedy descent into a mental breakdown would accelerate and he'd end up in a Gaol with the world somehow knowing he was Lord Vile. Yeah.

_That'd work out well._

* * *

Bronze slumped into his chair, _finally_. Sometimes he hated his job. "I hate my job." He declared suddenly to.. an empty room. Great. He banged his head against his table. "I'm going mental." he muttered.

"If you hate your job, why are you married to your work?" One of the Detectives, a Kate Beckett, raised an eyebrow, leaning against the doorframe of his office, a couple of files in her hand.

She came over to him and placed the files on his desk. She paused, and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Don't." She said seriously. "Trust me. It's a lot better when you get out every now and then. Don't become like I was. Find someone. Or just go somewhere which isn't your house or work."

He scoffed, and raised his head. "Ever since that Richard Castle came along, huh?" She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, well. Now go home and get some sleep." He sighed, and nodded. "Will do."

She'd barely walked out when Fletcher teleported into his office. He groaned and rested his forehead against his desk. Renn frowned. "What, am I that bad?"

He raised his head wearily and shook it again. "No, the whole thing with Nadir and Vile, coupled with three other cases. I don't know about you, but I'd wager it takes a lot out of a person."

Fletcher smiled wryly. "Files. Give me."

"You?" Devlin looked at him. "You hate doing other people's work."

"Yeah, well, you're special." Renn replied, widening his eyes mockingly. "And you look like shit which was eaten by Remitt and shat out again."

"Tell me what you _really_ think."

Renn appeared beside him, hit him lightly on the head and grabbed the file from under his crossed arms. He gripped his shoulder and in an instant they were in Bronze's reasonably sized apartment. Renn grabbed both of his shoulders and near-shoved him onto his couch. "As your best friend and part-time nanny, I hereby command you to sleep. I'll do this case for you, you piece of trash."

"Thanks." Bronze rolled deeper into the soft, soft couch and immediately drifted off to sleep. Fletcher rolled his eyes at him and teleported back into the office and told the assistant Bronze had clocked off.

He teleported to his own desk and shifted the cases he'd finished onto one side. He slipped into his chair and paused, pulling out a silver pocket watch from his pocket. He turned it and sighed again, running his thumb over the Latin immaculately engraved onto it.

_Semper in corde cerebro_

"_Always put the brain before the heart_." An odd family phrase, but true nonetheless. He closed his eyes at the slight pang of regret. The watch had belonged to his father, passed through the family. He was long dead, of course. His mother was a bitter woman who'd told him never to come near her again. Quite honestly, she was damn near batshit insane.

He frowned at the smaller engraving on it. _Stein_. Stupid family name.

Damn his family's long line of Sorcerers. They'd been present in the Mage community since the 13th century. All teleporters, all high amongst the Mage Ranks. Which had automatically put him on Mevolent's radar. All he'd needed was a psycho ruler who worshipped equally psycho Gods to like him.

The one good thing about being a Stein was that it automatically earned you respect. It also meant you had to shut up and deal with people forced to become slaves. He didn't care enough to join the Resistance, but he was definitely uncomfortable with the treatment of the Mortals. He shook his head, forcing himself to pull together. He wasn't sentimental, and nor was he a Mortal-sympathiser.

He pushed his chair back and placed both his feet on the desk, one over the other. He grabbed the file he'd taken from Devlin, flipped it open and skimmed through the assignment. Narrowed down, it basically meant a single sentence.

Get Skulduggery Pleasant.

* * *

***cowers* Yes, I know this chapter is a piece of shit. I'm sorry. You guys do realise that seeing whether people like or hate my stuff fuels my writing, right? *sighs* Lame excuse? I know. The only thing I like about this is the ending. And Fletch's story is bullshit that I came up with while listening to serious rock music, so don't take that to heart.**


	12. Chapter 9

**Hola, fuckers!**

**Despite the last chapter being a bit iffy, here I have one which probably keeps Regular!Fletcher in character. Hopefully. Meh.**

**And also something I forgot to add before. Fifty. Six. Reviews. 50 reviews. Oh my god. That is absolutely amazing for me. Thank all you amazing peeps. (Well at least ten were due to that mock chap I posted, so technically 46.) You're all absolutely amazing.**

** Did I mention I've got another story out? Ones hot/Drabble series or whatever. Necromancy AU. _Black Coffee._ So far, only two chaps of messed-upness, but I'd love it if you could check it out?**

** Couple of more references here. Who can figure them out?**

**Right. Replies. I'll still try to make it short, despite this being 2233 (lol wut) words. Finally, reasonably sized chapter again.**

**Libertied Insanity; **Aww! Poor horsey. Don't feel like a bitch tho. Also Dark Weasel. What. Ooooh, unicorn Bike. Me like the idea...

*stares* I have no idea how to respond on account of the fact that I couldn't understand that. But yeah, Darling Pan. I used to ship that. Ouat, huh? Yep, I was definitely a fan until like episode four or five of s4. Then I got confused with what eps I'd watched and blah, then my watching just sorta tapered off. But yeah, I totally used to ship Darling Pan. I really wanted an evil Wendy though...

**Adorable19(what? It's the only a word I can think of right now) ; **you know what? I already replied and aww thanks man

**MehScrewUp; **Well he's stupid again here so that balances out. And LET THE VILEKYRIE GO. Forget.

**SamTheKingOfHell;** Wow. It's amazing how a single sentence can be more enough than a really long review. I _am_ fabulous. Finally someone sees the fab-ness! Oh, and that poem. Me like. A lot. To quote one awesome bit,

_Death and despair shall reign upon kingdoms.  
The citizens fight for what they call freedom.  
"The king is dead!" they all cry and say.  
"Burn the corpse, we shall rest for the day._

* * *

He shrugged. "You."

She glared, then sneered."Yeah? What about me, you mass-murdering psycho?"

His calm yet smug demeanour faltered for a moment, and his eyes narrowed. "Don't use that tone with me again, Miss Cain. Unless, of course, you'd like that pretty little face ripped to shreds. Let's not forget who I am, and I'm definitely not _that_ curious." He smiled cheerfully, and his tone had been extraordinarily polite -even friendly- throughout the entire death threat.

Which only served to drive the point in further, that yes, this was a guy who'd killed hundreds of thousands of people in his lifespan, despite his outward appearance seeming to be mid-to-late twenties, or thirty. She coughed, her throat suddenly dry. "Sorry. What's so interesting about me?"

The look he gave her in return could only be classified as 'An Extreme Bitchface'. "Okay. Now you're overdoing it. And firstly, it's not you, it's that Darquesse. Second, you're something like a hotshot detective, right? Who's partnered up with _me_. I don't know about you, but I'd say that's quite interesting. But seriously though, what the hell is the situation with Darquesse?"

"Oh, that." She looked at her still-warm cup of coffee. _Oh, screw it, _She thought, and drank the rest of it. Never let a good coffee go to waste. "It's a long, long story."

He smirked. "Oh, I've got time. Also, prolonging conversation gives me time to decide whether I like you or not,"

_Okay. That's _The Shining_ material right there, mister._

"—and that means whether you die or not. To be quite honest, I'm not sure if I like you all that much right now."

_Definitely_ _kid-in-horror-movie material_. "...right." She said out loud, trying not to smile at the sudden image of him wearing a white night-dress and creeping out of a television. That would definitely be hilarious. "So, you know about the Reflection-summoning spell, don't you? Well, few years back my reflection...

* * *

_(Nadir, a few hours earlier)_

Nadir stumbled back into his own dimension, away from Cain. He couldn't let her get to him. At least, for the time being. But that bloody Skulduggery was there, head whipping up and down the street like he'd already figured out that he'd do this to avoid the girl catching him. Damn.

Still. He'd come up into one of the pubs lining the street, and was watching Skulduggery through the stained-glass window. Cracked and dirty as it was, Skulduggery wouldn't be able to see him from the outside. Silas stepped back, away from the window and scanned the pub. It'd been so full of drunkards —and even a couple of junkies in the other corner— that no one had thought his sudden flickering into existence was anything out of the ordinary. _Lucky for him._

He would've celebrated getting Cain —_finally_— with a drink (or eight), but that damned Detective Pleasant was going to barge in here any minute, Silas knew. Stupid.. Detecting Skills.** (Heh, detecting skulls)**

He finished his visual sweep of the room and quickly started toward one of the windows on the other side, half shrouded in shadow. He manoeuvred his way through the small and uncleaned tables, the booming construction workers drinking after a long day, over the drunks slumped on the floor and the rowdier ones fighting each other like the other had murdered their entire family or something. Silas knew, being one of the still-wanted, quite sociopathic serial killers of Mage-Ireland.

He reached the window and used an empty beer bottle to smash it and clear the glass away, enough for him to go through. Due to the insane noise, -this was one of the bars on the waaaay lower end of the spectrum, as he now realised- nobody noticed the shattering of glass.

He jumped through, and then stepped away from the window. Nadir paused, and rubbed away the marks left by his feet on the mud left over from whenever. He leaned over against the wall and scraped the mud off his boots with a nearby rock he'd picked up, and then legged it away from where the Skeleton Detective would no doubt be checking the bar/pub/whatever.

After reaching a whole other, and much much shadier part of Dublin, he grinned and situated himself in a shady corner of one of the strip clubs, watching the women. He'd picked someone's pocket on the way, and now handed over the money from said wallet to a scantily-clad waitress who put down a watery ale in front of him and walked away, hips swinging.

He leaned back while watching her, grinned and let himself relax. The detective would be far too worried about Cain to waste time looking for him. Silas Nadir laughed and finally, _finally_ let himself celebrate handing Valkyrie Cain over to one if the most kill-y villains in the business.

* * *

_(Alternate dimension, present time)_

Renn teleported at his own desk, and saw the finished files had been cleared off. Good. He dropped the 'Skull File', as he'd dubbed it, onto the desk. He needed Nadir and a plan for that. He literally had neither. He had no idea where the hell Nadir was, and he couldn't formulate a plan unless he had the Shunter to talk it through with. It was a paradox, and one the 'Universe', as that Ted said, was taking great pleasure watching him wade through attempting to fix.

He let his head drop to the desk with that hollowed sound which sometimes came from wood. Plan. He needed some sort of plan if he had any sort of chance at getting Skulduggery Pleasant. _The_ Skulduggery Pleasant. They'd all heard the stories as children, how the miracle soldier had come back as a skeleton. Until he'd actually taken a job here and realized that yes, it was actually fact and not a bedtime story. But, judging by the records, Skulduggery had disappeared after a few years and nobody had seen him since.

But Pleasant was kicking and well, in the other dimension. And now he was supposed to bring him back here. How. The. Fuck. would he he accomplish that? Damn, he should've left it to Bronze. But it wasn't like the other cases were anything difficult, all probably open-and-shut cases. He'd do just one, he decided, and then try to figure out the deal with Skulduggery Pleasant.

He read through the case. Some woman, her bones.. splintered? The type of magic seemed to be a branch of Necromancy, instead of the work of one of the Bone-Breakers, as they were occasionally referred to. In the records, there was barely one Necromancer who inflicted extreme pain upon his victims and then killed them. He let out a low whistle, eyebrows raising into his hairline, subconsciously glad he'd memorised nearly all of aforementioned records, finished the paragraph and set it down.

Seemed like an old General was back in business.

* * *

_Regular Dimension, present time. _

Skulduggery continued his frantic pacing of the room. China, Ghastly and Ravel were poring over the maps of the city they'd managed to construct, and intently discussing what exactly they could do and debating the effects it'd have on the Sanctuary. In other words, the part/side effect of the plan none of the others in the room cared about. These people included Fletcher, for obvious reasons, Tanith, Skulduggery himself. They needed at least one more person, in order to keep the group/rescue team small but able to defend itself.

This was another thing the Boss Combo (another name Valkyrie had dubbed, Skulduggery thought, and resumed his pacing with a new level of barely-concealed anxiety) were discussing. Skulduggery turned his skull to them. "Well?" He snapped.

China shook her head. "I understand you're impatient, Skulduggery, but we need to take some time to not repeat our previous mistakes. This has to be planned-"

"Planned? I'll tell you planned. We shunt to some part of Dublin-Within-The-Wall, use Fletcher to check the streets and then Mevolent's castle. Eventually, we'll find Val and then come back.

"Skulduggery, you need to listen." Ghastly replied, and China's lips tightened at how often she was getting interrupted during this fic. "How do we know we won't end up directly in front of some City Mage, or Redhood? We sent out a Sanctuary Operative, and he confirmed that the security has increased, and getting inside from the outside will be near impossible. So we'll have to go directly inside, but there's a valid chance we might end up in front of Vile out for his morning stroll, or _inside a wall_. Even if we get in, how would we find Valkyrie? She'd most definitely be inside a building, and the entire other-Dublin is huge. She could be in Mevolent's castle, or she could be captured by someone else entirely. There are just too many risks. But hey," Ghastly stepped forward and grabbed Skulduggery's shoulders, stopping him from pacing so insanely. He looked into his eye-sockets and spoke softly so that the others couldn't hear."We'll get her, okay? She'll be fine. She always is, you both always are."

Skulduggery sighed. "Yes. I suppose you're right."

"Besides," Fletcher, who had been listening to the conversation along with Tanith (both had been playing the word game together, the one where you said a word which started with the last letter of the word before it) added, one hand absentmindedly checking his absolutely ridiculous light blonde hair. He couldn't run his hand directly through them due to the fear of getting his hand stuck in there again. That had definitely been an unpleasant experience. "maybe they'll come for you instead. I mean, it could be that Valkyrie was bait for you, but whoever it was realized that you probably wouldn't be able to get to her so they might end up sending someone else to take _you_ to _them _instead_." _

_"Fletcher." _Ghastly, Ravel and Skulduggery said in unison, and then Ghastly and Ravel stopped and let Skulduggery speak. "That's actually a valid point. Congratulations, Fletcher. For the first time, you've actually contributed to solving a problem instead of making it worse. China, shouldn't you give him a medal? Or a certificate? Maybe it could say 'Congratulations! You're not an idiot!' "

Fletcher rolled his eyes, accustomed to Skulduggery's way of insulting as a thank you, screwed up as it was. Despite it all, Skulduggery had grown used to him, and now insulted him more affectionately than with actual irritation. Helping stop an evil tyrant from killing the world tended to do that. He crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair, tipping it back on two legs.

In a typically Fletcher move, he fell over and an odd sort of shriek was heard, and the chair collapsed on the ground. Tanith, Skulduggery and Ravel let out slightly stressed laughs, never missing a chance to mock him. The day Fletcher would be smooth and badass would be the day Skulduggery would eat his most precious hat, was the unspoken rule amongst them.

Ghastly smiled. Tanith held out a hand and helped Fletcher up. "Well, it was okay while it lasted." Skulduggery said. "For the grand total of five seconds, Fletcher was not a dolt."

Ghastly turned to China, and communicated through the weird eye-signals that Elders seemed to be able to do for whatever reason. She nodded. "We'll keep sending squads out to check for Valkyrie. Until-" Skulduggery couldn't help but let out an invisible smile at her specific use of the confirmation, "-we find her, the security around the Sanctuary will be told not to act as readily, giving ample time for them to get to you and for us to trap him, her or whoever it is. We do need you here, Skulduggery, you're our best Detective.

He sighed, wanting to argue but seeing that what she was saying was right. He was one of the -actually, no,- _the_ best detectives here, and he did have a job after all. "Let's hope they manage to find Val or find me. Whichever comes first."

Tanith grinned, and paused. "Wait, aren't we still going there? I wanna see what an Alternate Dimension is like!"

Fletcher, him and his chair now upright again, nodded eagerly. "Me too! Hey.." He turned to Tanith. "What if we find our parallel versions? That would be so freakily awesome."

"I know, right?"

China looked at them, and the corners of her mouth turned up slightly. "Yes," she said, and their heads whipped toward her so fast she thought she might have heard a _crick _sound_. "_You both, along with at least one or probably two others, will go and look for Valkyrie there too. Choose who you want to go with you, Creyfonte Signate will be shunting you there."

Fletcher and Tanith looked at her, grinned and high-fived. _"Yes!" _

Skulduggery and Ghastly shook their heads, but couldn't help but smile.


	13. Chapter 10

**Okay, I get that I've been focusing on OCs and it's wrong and annoying, blah blah. And why are y'all getting these updates so quickly? Damn you. Probably because updates might be slower or might even be faster, due to something coming up for me. They'll be messed up for probably a month, though. **

**Also, I think now would be the time to utilize a certain tumblr post. **

**Reader: **Omg I wonder what happens after this chapter!

**Writer: **hahaha me too!

**Seriously. Plot. It's so difficult to come by and I'm going all these directions I never had any intention of going. What do I doooooooo~~~**

**And recently I've been completely obsessed with a (cartoon) show, of which two characters make an appearance here. Can you get the show? Virtual cookies for all who do! Did I mention I watched it for 7 hours straight one time and 5 at another? Yep, I finished the series in something like 3 days. Sue me. **

**Reviews. Why do I even do these? It's not like anyone actually does. Oh, and 60 REVIEWS. *screaming* Y'all are great. Thanks!**

**SamTheKingOfHell; **Ah, well. At least you did. Cool backstory? I'll do my best. *presses hand to where heart should be* If I had a heart, I'm sure you'd be quite close to getting it. How lovely of you. Evilness and Fabulousness. Two of my favorite things.

**Libertied Insanity;** No. Just no. Go back. I don't like this one. I want the wrong,long and need-a-codex-to-decipher reviews. 'Normal' doesn't suit you in the least. Nah uh. *frowns* hey I'm smelling something burning. What. Oh. Something burning in de kitchen. I should answer by now.

Hooked. Ah, yes. Puns. Yes! Catastrophic would be the word for it. _The_ word for it.

**MeScrewed;** He might be. If he could eat. (*drum roll*)

Thank you for getting that damned song back in my head. And just forget it. Plahss

**Guest;** Yep. It is.

* * *

Mevolent stood up, but then sat back down on his throne, opting to skip the daily ritualistic killing for one day. That wouldn't cause any long term effects. For one to show acceptance and eventual overpowering of death was a long process, and skipping one day wouldn't matter.

Hopefully.

Speaking of death, where was his Second-in-command? He never saw Lord Vile quite that often, except when Vile repeatedly told him he was an idiot and showed him better battle plans. He'd have had anyone else who dared to do that killed, but Vile was Vile. And he'd like at least _one_ general alive, thank you very much. But it still wasn't like him to randomly pop away. In fact, he hadn't even seen the guy do anything other than kill, torture, plan and sulk for three-hundred odd years. Seriously, the man hadn't even had a- what was the word these days? Ah, yes. 'Girlfriend'. Or hell, he hadn't even eaten anything.

He frowned. And then snapped his fingers. One of the Mages stationed behind his throne to cater to anything he wanted immediately stood to attention, running up and stopping in front of the throne. Like the good underling he was, he didn't meet his eyes. Probably because of the fact that he'd had the last person whod dared to so bowl out his own eyes. That did give people a reason not to disobey him.

"Where is General Vile?" He asked the question in an almost bored manner, but keeping the murder-drawl that usually accompanied his speech in it.

The Mage swallowed nervously. "I.. I haven't seen Lord Vile for approximately four or three days, Sire. But I assume the Head City-Mage would know. All City-Mages report to him, as you know." Mevolent rolled his eyes, not that he could see it. Damn veil. Why did he even have it? He didn't even know anymore.

"Yes. I do know. And bring him in, then." The Mage hesitated. "He's.. currently incapacitated. But there is one other person who would know. Shall I ask of him, then?"

"Yes. But be quick about it." The Mage curtly nodded, bowed slightly and then quickly left the room. Mevolent leaned back in his chair and checked the Web. It had been one of his better ideas, he could easily keep tabs** (Hahaha Internet pun) **on the people who used it. That was the official reason, while really it also gave him something to do when he was bored.

He looked through it, searching for anything related to Lord Vile. Apart from people wondering how many people he'd killed exactly, along with.. bleargh, apparently some people jacked off to Vile. That was definitely something he'd never wanted to know. He disconnected himself from the Web, most probably scarred for life. He couldn't help but have a shudder run through him. No. Just _no_.

He sighed. Being evil overlord was a lot more boring than one would think.

* * *

"Aaand then she got sucked into the Faceless One's dimension. Pretty sure she's dead."

Vile blinked."Right. That's, well then. Must you people kill off every single person I like?" He sighed. "What about Skulduggery? What's his.. what's the word? Er, backstory. Please, for the love of whatever God you have, keep it short this time. Your needlessly detailed story lasted for.. he looked around for the clock, and checked the time. Four hours. Yeesh. "Four hours. Four hours, Valkyrie."

She shrugged, and couldn't help a sudden yawn. Her eyes were dropping, and she was reminded of how sleepy she was. And it was 3:30 am. Great. "Mmmhm." She responded. Her head refused to stay upright, and she crossed her arms on the table and rested her forehead against them, eyes sliding shut. "Lemme just close my eyes for a couple seccons..." She trailed off, failing asleep instantly. Adrenaline could only keep you awake for so long. Some part of her brain reminded her that she was falling asleep in front of a friggin psychotic mass-murder, but she ignored it for the welcome abyss of sleep.

Vile stared at her. Uhh. Right. "Cain?" He asked aloud, very freaked out. What were people supposed to do when others randomly passed out? Screw that, what were _villains_ supposed to do? To be frank, he had no idea. Still, he couldn't really let her stay slumped on the table like that. Mostly because she'd started drooling, and it was gross.

He sighed, and stood up. He squinted at her suspiciously, then sighed again. He walked over to her, and poked her in the cheek. No response. Dammit. He rolled his eyes —it was actually astonishing how quickly he'd gotten the hang of that. He frowned. He didn't want to kill her, at least not yet. Also, he had the unnerving habit of being oddly nice while alone and shifting instantly to evil-mode whenever people were around. She was asleep, so evil mode had temporarily stopped. Damn niceness.

He leaned over, and picked her up. He didn't have much of a problem with her weight, or any at all, but she _was_ pretty awkwardly placed. He shifted her again in his arms, bridal style and observed her shifting and the slight smile playing at her lips. Her eyes were moving under her lashes, so it was a deep sleep. No chance of her waking up and moving herself. Wonderful. Make it harder for him.

He pulled the shadows of the room to him, and shadow-walked himself back to his quarters. He'd have said room, but it _was_ pretty big.** (And my dirty mind rises. Didcha see what I did there) **It was also equipped with a bed, not that he'd ever had to use that until recently. He quite literally _dumped_ her on it, and she bounced slightly then settled. He scratched the back of his head, feeling oddly tired himself.

He walked over to the table/desk set where he could easily keep an eye on her, slumped onto the chair and rested his legs on the desk. He shifted and made himself comfortable in the chair, and kept watch on her until his eyes closed. Thankfully, his being a naturally light sleeper meant he'd be able to stop her from destroying his lovely collection of sharp and shiny objects when she'd no doubt try to escape. Just because she was sleepy didn't mean she didn't know that he was most likely going to end up killing her. Or first have fun messing with both her and Skulduggery, if Bronze got him. He'd originally planned to leave enough clues for Skulduggery to get here himself, but soon realized that his plan wasn't exactly the most brilliant. It'd been a moment of stupidity..

His thoughts suddenly blurred together as he drifted off to sleep, still vaguely aware of what was going on around him. What he didn't notice was Valkyrie shifting suspiciously in her own sleep.

* * *

"Renn!"

Fletcher jerked his head up sleepily. "What?" He asked, still not sure who was calling him. He wiped drool off the side of his mouth with his sleeve. "Who's callin?" His words slightly slurred. He looked around, and nearly jumped, startled. Bronze was coming toward him so quickly he nearly collided with Fletcher's desk. He managed to regain control of himself at the last moment, hands clutching at the desk to stop his feet from sliding further away. Oh. He'd literally _slid_ the last few feet. Alrighty then.

"Dev, remind me why you're my best friend."

"Because I'm so pathetic you're driven by a motherly instinct to provide for me."

Oh, right. Devlin was near-insane. That was why. He rolled his eyes. "Fuck off. What're you so chirpy about, anyway?"

Devlin grinned, four nights of sleep a week were more than enough for him, and he was closer to his usual easily exited self. Not that he was like this in front of anyone else, though. But Fletcher doubted he'd slept once since he'd forced him too, which was why his eyes were peeled open, which combined with the grin was making him look like a demonic clown. "Remember how you figured out that it was Serpine who did the killing but we pretty much couldn't do anything because he's virtually unreachable?" He spoke so quickly Renn had trouble understanding him. But years of practice had made it easier to understand him. He was panting slightly, and Fletcher was pretty sure he hadn't blinked _once_.

Ah, yes. Sleep deprived. "Uh.. yes?"

Bronze nodded eagerly, the insane grin still in place. "Well, somebody snitched, and we may or may not have an idea of where the Resistance is."

Fletcher shook his head, amused but still confused. "And?"

Bronze grabbed a stray file from his desk and hit him over the head with it. "You moron! Serpine's been leading the Resistance, remember?"

Huh. So he had been. Still didn't mean... Oh! He slowly nodded, mouth curving slightly upwards. "And the Resistance is our ticket to getting him."

"Bingo!" Bronze excitedly yelled, and others at their own desks looked over at their boss, some smirking, others shrugging and others watching in mild horror. Most people had gotten used to Bronze's bouts of insanity. Others still couldn't handle it.

A certain Bill Cipher, who was currently seated on a Detective Pines' desk and hellbent on annoying him into taking a job at his own department looked over at Devlin, the irritating smirk which seemed to be constantly on his face directed at him. "See, Pine Tree? Wouldn't you prefer working for a less _bouncy_ boss?"

Pines looked at him. "Bill, first of all, fuck off. Second of all, no. Third of all, you're much more insane."

Cipher looked at him, then opened and closed his mouth. Then he frowned, and brushed his yellow hair slightly to the side. "I'd argue, but all true." Cipher flicked his finger toward his eye-patch. "I bet you'd love me if I had two eyes."

"I really wouldn't."

Bronze was glaring at Cipher with a look of pure loathing, and Fletcher shook his head at his friend. He may be the more mature one at times, but might as well also have been a five-year old judging by the constant rivalry he had with Cipher.

He snapped his fingers in front of Bronze's eyes. "Hey, hey! Eyes off him, pal. You know he does this on purpose." Bronze sagged. "But-"

"No buts. Turn. Now." He grabbed him by the shoulders and cast a look over to Pines. The man looked at him apologetically, before turning to Bill and trying to get him to get out. He teleported Bronze into his own office, and sat him down on the chair. "What did I tell you?"

"You're actually my mommy?"

"Shut the fuck up. Now, listen. Two things. Where's the Resistance, and where's Silas Nadir?"

Bronze shrugged, now more normal. Another symptom of his not-sleeping at all. Mood swings. "The Resistance was in a town called Graven, last time we knew. We had an undercover agent. Someone named Crowley. He got back short while ago. Mevolent's little puppy or something. He got the info needed and got back here. The Resistance are going to move places soon though. Probably."

Fletcher shook his head, hands on hips. "Then we gotta hurry, don't we? I want a team, along with at least nine Redhoods, Boss." He turned toward the window, and cracked his knuckles purely out of habit, signature smirk back in place. "We're going to get the General who's eluded Mevolent's grasp for years."

Bronze's eyebrows raised to meet his hairline, which was his preferred brown. "So we are. So we are."


	14. Chapter 11

**Hey, there! Wanna know why I didn't post this earlier?**

**Because I was pissed. (No, not drunk) I wrote a lovely bit for it, then realized that I had to write about what happened with FUCKING SERPINE. *sighs* So yeah, I was sulky. But now you have a 2860 word chapter, which would have been an 1,800 word chapter were it not for a lovely reviewer who goes by Kai. Also, editing took time. Also, I was lazy. But let us continue. **

**And I have (finally, finally) a plot for this! If I go right, a torture scene might show up eventually. Eventually. You know, I've had a disturbing realization of how I seemed to have wanted a torture scene in this from the start. I don't know, but I'm concerned.**

** Also, have any of y'all heard I'm So Sorry by Imagine Dragons? Love it. LOVE IT. It suits Across A Dark Plain or a DM prequel so well!**

**Reviews. You know these fuel me, right? Also, Kai's the reason you get an update. Learn. **

**Kai;** Why, thank you! To be honest, I'm actually quite aware of how different Vile is, and that bugs me. But I've already done this much, and I do have a slight twist up ahead where I think Vile gets more toward what he's supposed to be. I hope, I haven't written it. But yeah, I do have an actual plot in my head now(thank god).

Smut, you say? I'm going to go out on a limb here and say you're yeokaiwen? So yeah, if you do really want it I could PM it to you. Because a) it's actual not complete and b) it's utter crap c) I'd prefer that despite my fear of you MehScrewIt-ing me and never letting me forget. Also, there's another story of mine, 'Black Coffee' which I'd love if you checked out? *shameless self-advertising*

**Deathly Gal-lows;** Well, yeah. Thank god. I wasn't planning on calling you that for long. If you want a spoiler, I can definetly tell you that there is going to be some Vilkyrie coming up. (Yay!) Even though I don't trust my ability to write streamier scenes. *frowns* _Gravesend_ would be brilliant for that. Satan bless? I think Derek Bless would be more accurate.

**Libertied Insanity;** Dear god. Well, it's nice that you took what I said to heart. Damn this a/n's long I need to shorten this. *raises eyebrow* KEANE, huh?

I love that line, 'Sorry bruh I'm late'. I'm going to put it in somewhere. And Vile will get evil-ler, don't you worry. *manic laugh* I hope your nose stays itchy throughout this story. Wow that sounds weird, even for me.

**SamTheKingOHell;** I'm confused but strangely flattered. Thanks for the, uh, kidney. HELL YEAH Gravity Falls! Fuckin love it. You know, I'm starting to like you more and more, peasant.

**Yeahyouscrewed;** Yeah,well. I DO NOW. HEHEHEHEHE- I'm sorry. You will not forgot? *flips hair* well then. *pulls up a shield against blown kiss* *hisses* too much love THATS TOO MUCH

* * *

(This part was written while listening to I'm so Sorry, by Imagine Dragons)-

* * *

Agent Renn raised a hand, signaling the Mages behind him to wait. He folded his fingers in after half a minute, _3_, -he kept two up- _2_, he pointed two fingers briskly toward the door. _Now_.

In perfect unison, they all got up and moved, Redhoods first, breaking in the doors. Mages in after, swarming the place and putting down all those who tried to fight back. That is, to say, left them alive because they were needed for interrogation.

Others had already surrounded the perimeter, sigils keeping them immune to the protective shield around. Lord Vile would definitely have been needed for a raid like this one, but since he had his own things, he wasn't here. Also, everybody was terrified of daring to ask him. So they had to make do with what they had. Zombie Vengeous, as people were calling him behind his back was actually quite similar to regular Baron, and he was here too. Fletcher waited another minute to check for any stray Mages and then strode in himself.

He scanned the place. Definitely Resistance. But there were much less people here than there should have been, barely twenty. Dammit, they'd been in the process of moving, then. It seemed as if most already had. Well, fuck. "Fucking hell." He muttered aloud, lip curling.

"Sir?" One of the Mages, one with a scar running up her forehead to her nose raised a brow at him. What was her name? Oh, yes. Kate Beckett. "What is it?"

He rubbed a hand over his face, feeling extremely irritated. "They've been clearing out. We got them in the middle of their moving. Serpine's gone." Beckett pursed her lips and looked back over the mages tied up or otherwise unable to move scattered around the barn-like building. Others were still being brought in, the ones who'd been outside. Far as he could see, none of them were red-handed or suspiciously had one hand gloved. She slowly nodded. "Well, you're right. What do we do then?"

He shook his head. "Get Sensitives to interrogate them. Poke around their brains, I don't care if they become lunatics. I want any and all information about Serpine and the Resistance they have filtered out. Get it done." She nodded. "Right."

He stayed there for an hour, ordering the Mages -most of whom were idiots- to sort out the supplies and items that hadn't been cleared off by the Resistance. Still fuming, he teleported back to his office, and charged angrily into Bronze's office. "Bronze!" He yelled. "Where the fuck are you?"

"Here, here." Bronze said in a soothing voice, coming into the room behind him. "What?"

He exhaled slowly and repressed the desire to punch the calm look off of his -he reminded himself now- _best friend_'s face. "Serpine moved by the time we got there. As of now, we have no fucking idea where he his. We'll be checking out the people-that-were-there's minds, but that's literally the only lead we have at the moment."

Bronze looked at him, trying to be serious, but his mouth kept twitching up at one side. "Well," he said, struggling to keep the laughter out of his voice -and failing, by the way-. "That's horrible. Must be uh, awfully irritating-"

Fletcher glared at him, then reeled back his arm to punch the amused expression off his face. His fist was just about to hit him when the shrill beep that accompanied any new person who walked in sounded in the office. A light-manipulating device brought up a 3-Dimensional view of the main entrance/hall. And it showed none other than.. damn, he could swear he'd seen the guy. Bronze looked over his shoulder, relieved that his face was intact for the moment.

"Hey, that's Silas Nadir. You were looking for him, right?"

Renn grinned, anger dispelling instantly. "Yes. Yes, I was."

* * *

Fletcher slowly nodded, trying to understand what Ghastly was saying. Boy, Ghastly had big ears. Should Fletcher tell him that? Nah. "You have kinda big ears, you know." Fletcher quipped cheerfully.

Ghastly rubbed his temples. The boy had been leaning toward becoming mature for a while, but now it seemed as if he was back as he was when he'd been nineteen, despite being, what? Twenty-seven? No, he was born in '93. He just didn't even know anymore. "Did you listen to a single word I said?"

Fletcher hesitated. "I tried to. I really, really did. But then I started looking at your ears. They're big, have I mentioned?"

Ghastly nearly screamed in frustration, but held himself back. _I will _not_ kill a bitch_, he chanted mentally to himself. Repeatedly. He unclenched his fists, and exhaled. Sometimes him and the kid bonded. He _liked_ Fletcher, really, he did. But then Fletcher would pull a typically Fletcher move, like this one. Then he'd _like_ to bash Fletcher's head into a wall. But then again, so did everyone.

"Fletcher." Ghastly said slowly, now pronouncing each syllable as if he was talking to a three year old. "You. Go dim-en-sion. With Tan-ith. Look. Come back. Stay max-i-mum five ho-urs. You get?"

Fletcher slowly nodded. "Oh! Wow, great plan Ghastly. When are we going?" Ghastly sighed, knowing Fletcher was likely to forget everything by the time he did actually go.

"Tomorrow." He sighed again. "and tell Tanith to get here, I have to brief her too." _Because you're really incompetent, you man-child._

Fletcher nodded happily and teleported to France to get an ice cream first. Ice cream was important. He then teleported right outside Tanith's apartment, since the last time he'd showed up inside she'd thrown her sword at his head. That was also an unpleasant experience. Heh, _pleasant_. He knocked on her door loudly and Tanith appeared immediately opening the door and then grinning at him. "Fletchy!"

She'd started liking him a lot more since he'd stopped hitting on her. Their similarly idiotic personalities matched, with both being able to show a hidden intelligence at times. "Tanni!" He responded. This was another standing joke of theirs, making up the weirdest names in greeting.

"Whatcha need?"

"Ghastly calls thou, my fair maiden." She raised an eyebrow, straightening up at Ghastly's name, trying to be smooth but failing miserably. "Sure, let's go. It's not like, I'm doing anything important."

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, and you'd never miss a chance to meet your Romeo."

She looked at him guiltily. "Yeah, well.. have you even ever _read_ Shakespeare?"

He grinned at her. "Nope." He teleported her into Ghastly's office, then turned and left. Now, he was hungry again. Pie? Yes, pie.

_Pie_. "Love me some pie." Fletcher murmured under his breath. The Sanctuary agent who had overheard him looked over at him and nodded gravely. _"Pie." _He repeated with wonder in his voice. Fletcher looked back at him seriously. "Yes."

With a curt nod, Fletcher turned and teleported back to a certain pie shop that had the most amazing pie there was.

* * *

Valkyrie stirred, and rolled over in her bed, sinking deeper into the soft sheets. Wait a minute. This wasn't her bed. Too soft, too comfortable. Wait, had she fallen asleep_ in front of Lord Vile? _

_Oh, fuck fuck fuckity fuck. _She sat up bolt upright, then blacked out of a second, seeing stars. Ugh. She shook her head, then turned and scanned the room she was in. Big, elegant. With.. was that an _entire wall_ dedicated to really sharp objects? Well, that decor was just screaming Vile. Haha, pun. She looked down at the bed she was in. Silk sheets, a dark maroon. Pretty large. It also seemed unslept in, like no one had slept here much or at all, besides her.

"Oh. You're awake."

She nearly screamed as Skulduggery's voice calmly spoke out of literally nowhere. No, not Skulduggery. "Vile." She breathed, and then realized she'd been too civil. "Vile," She repeated harshly. "Where the hell are you, you creep?"

"Look to your left, Miss Cain." She turned her head and frowned in the direction he'd said. She still couldn't see anything. "You realize that not all of us have your night vision, right?" She could almost _hear_ him rolling his eyes. The shadows in the room drew back, and she saw Vile calmly seated on a large desk. 'Big' seemed to be a recurring factor in this room. His legs were drawn up onto said desk and there was a thick leather-bound book on his lap. His eyebrow was arched and he looked on amusedly at her, smirking slightly. She scowled at him.

He continued smirking, like the asshole he was. Stupid Skulduggery-ness. She crossed her arms."Would you mind explaining to me why the _hell_ I appear to be in a bed, in your room, alone? With _you_?"

He shrugged. "You fell asleep, I sure as hell wasn't staying there. Also, you were drooling. Oh, and there's still drool on your face."

She hurriedly wiped at her face with her sleeve, trying to keep what was left of her dignity intact. He was crap at answering questions. "Yeah? Then why not just kill me then and there?" He smiled. And didn't answer her question. "You should really start asking less questions, Miss Cain. But then again, I suppose other me has taught you well. Now, I understand that you would probably want something to eat?"

"Always, but I think I'd like you sending me back to my own dimension better." He laughed chillingly. "Don't be absurd, _Valkyrie_. I'm not done yet. And right now, things are very comfortable for you. Remember that I could just as well throw you in a dungeon and _interrogate_ -that is, to say, torture- you at my will." Once again, he'd said all this pleasantly, and that was a lot more unnerving than him screaming it. She swallowed, throat dry. "Okay. In that case, I can't really decline an offer of free food."

He closed his hand and the book shut with a soft 'whomp'. Vile gently placed the book on the desk and swung his legs off the desk with the same easy grace that Skulduggery possessed. "Great. I'll send a maid." **(It corrected to bend a maid this thing is chock-full of innuendos hahaa) **

He walked out the door, although still keeping an eye on her. His shadows were sensing her slightest movements. Enough that she could assume she was left alone but also that she knew escape was going to be very, very difficult. He relaxed against the wall beside the door and focused his powers back into armor, which grew and formed to his will. The mask finished making itself and he used a leg to push himself away from the wall. Right. Now he needed to find a lackey.

* * *

Nadir shunted back into Mevolent's Dimension. He paused, realized he was somewhere in their Dublin. And then frowned because quite honestly, he had no idea where he was.

He looked around. It was early, perhaps an hour or so after dawn. He didn't have a watch on him, and he'd gotten black-out drunk and woken up next to a homeless man, so he didn't really count that much on his time-telling skills.

He sighed, and looked up at the weird taxi-carriages flying overhead. He raised a hand and flagged one down, and it obligingly stopped next to him. He sighed, and managed to pull himself in. The driver eyed him suspiciously. "You new here, then?"

He blinked. "Uh, yeah." The driver nodded. "Right then. Where d'you want to go?"

The driver's Irish accent was extraordinarily evident, and Silas couldn't help but feel oddly happy, along with slightly homesick. Vile's accent was a barely-there one, and the others he'd met were the same. Except for Cain, and they couldn't exactly chat. Because he hated her.

"Er.." He thought back to what Vile had passingly mentioned when he'd first told him to get Valkyrie. "The 13th Precinct." He said after debating a moment. The driver looked back at him. "Funny, mister. Not a lot know 'bout that place. You workin' there?"

Silas shook his head. "Nah, meeting somebody."

The driver had started back up the horseless carriage, and talked over his shoulder, much like the cabbies back in his own dimension. "Yeah? One of them detectives? Which one? See, I've got a couple friends there."

"Bronze-something, I think." That is, if Bronze even agreed to what he said. He couldn't go into Mevolent's Palace because Vile had fancy-walked him there himself, and had specifically told him not to walk right in and alert Mevolent of his presence.

The cabbie, as Silas was calling him now, had continued on, oblivious to Nadir's thoughts. "Wait.. Devlin Bronze?"

"That's the one."

"Hmm, he's a nice guy. Pretty sulky, doesn't sleep." The cabbie said nonchalantly, pausing to let another carriage go by.

Nadir frowned. "How do _you_ know?"

"Lots of his friends keep dropping him in, he's usually half-insane by the time. Most of the detectives ride by me, it's sorta become custom."

"Ah."

The cabbie pulled up in front of a large building. "Here, mister." The cabbie turned to look at him. "I was comin here anyway, so it's on the house."

Nadir blinked. "Um, thanks." The cabbie shot him a grin and winked. "Remember, you owe me a favor now." Confused, Nadir nodded and climbed out. Another girl running back out ducked beside him and climbed in, in a blur of brown hair and bright colors. He heard the cabbie exclaim a muffled_ "Mabel Pines!"_, and shook his head bewildered. Killers, now those he could relate to. Regular people were a whole nother matter.

He jogged in, frowning at a flurry of people milling about, and the constant chattering. He looked around, and had barely taken a step forward when somebody nearly crashed into him, appearing quite literally out of thin air.

"Aha!" The new person screamed. "Finally!"

Nadir blinked, and look at the new person, and recognized him as the guy who'd been walking around with Bronze. "Uh.."

The person blinked. He did seem really similar to someone he'd seen before, not that he could tell who. "Right." The man stepped away. "Rude of me." He held out a hand. "Agent Fletcher Renn, works for the 13th Precinct and also occasional Homicide Detective. Bronze gave me his own case, I'll need you for it."

Nadir frowned, and didn't shake the hand offered. "I'm sorry, what?"

'Fletcher' shrugged at the lack of response and instead placed a hand on his back. In an instant they were in the actual part of the building where the real work was going on. He guided him to a somehow both cluttered and yet organized desk and pulled up a chair from another nearby desk next to it. "Sit."

Still confused and feeling those lovely murder-y feelings rising up, he sat. Renn didn't sit, but simply leaned against what was apparently his own desk, palms flat against it and facing toward him. "Now, you know Agent Bronze, right?" Silas nodded. "I've seen him around a couple of times."

"Well, that's good enough. See, the thing is that our Lord Vile told Bronze to.. trap? Or, well, lure Skulduggery Pleasant here. Dear Miss Valkyrie was originally supposed to be bait. But he realized some, er, flaws, which made that quite difficult. So Skulduggery Pleasant has to be brought here by us. Or me, to who let's say the," he raised his hands, making quotation marks in the air, " 'case' is assigned to. But I need to be able to get there, and since you're the only one who can do both dimensions, I need you to work with me. You in?"

Nadir raised a brow, feeling a sense of déjà vu. "First Cain, now Pleasant? You know, it was very difficult for me to get at Miss Valkyrie Cain. Now, why the hell would I go after _Pleasant_?"

Renn grinned. "Oh, that's the thing, Mr Nadir. You'll just be my in-and-out. They'll probably have a nice trap waiting for me there, and I'll have you. You're going to be in a reasonably secure location -which you'll choose yourself, by the way- and be ready for when I'll teleport back to you. Now, are you in?"

Nadir shrugged. "Well, why the hell not? But I do have conditions, you know."

"We'll do our best to meet them."

"Then yeah, I'm in."

"Wonderful. Absolutely wonderful."


	15. Chapter 12

**Roughly 2,200 words.**

* * *

As soon as Vile had left the room, she'd gotten up and checked every possible escape from the room, but to no avail. The door itself would've been her first try, but it was shrouded in shadow, and she had a sneaking suspicion that this was Vile's version of Tanith's withstand. Which had only been confirmed when she'd tried it. She huffed, plopping back down on the bed, waiting for the food she'd been promised.

Fuck, she hoped it wasn't poisoned.

She'd been there for a few minutes, simply staring up at the ceiling, occasionally sighing dramatically. At least, until two maids barged into the room, the shadow-wallish thingy being lifted for them. She instantly sat upright, on alert.

One had a tray in her arms, laden with definitely old-fashioned type food, with rough home-made bread. The other had what seemed to be a swath of cloth. She saw a hint of black outside, and she knew Vile was lingering. Perv. Hot pervert, admittedly, but still a pervert. _Wait a minute_. "What.. what's that?" She asked, gesturing to the bundle of dark clothes in the shorter one's arms.

"This? Why, it is a dress for you, miss."

Her eyes widened, and she immediately wheeled backward, kicking with her feet until her back collided with the headboard. She pushed herself against it, summoning her powers into her hands, feeling the welcome tingle again. The maid, who was the smaller of the two, raised an obviously amused eyebrow. Her dress was simple, off-white with a corset lacing her already tiny body, making her seem much smaller than one should be, technically speaking.

"Oh, dear me, miss." She paused, glancing at the other one, a plump and plain but yet oddly endearing older woman who was bustling around, cleaning up with a quick accuracy which was surprising for someone of her build. The smaller and younger -barely a few years older than her, appearancewise- maid shook her head at her. "You won't have to wear it long, if you don't wish to. Our Lord, Vile did mention it. We'll just take and clean your clothes and hand them back to you in two hours, at most." She smiled, an odd wickedness to it. "We do have magic, you know." She leaned close conspiringly, her smile decidedly sly now. "And I'm sure you'll _love_ the corset."

"Uh," Valkyrie said "I really, really don't think I will."

"Well." The maid said, tucking one of the curls which had escaped from her hasty bun back behind her ear. "We have orders, and you'll be wearing it whether you'll like it or not. Or you could just go naked. I'm sure Lord Vile wouldn't mind." She winked when she said the last part, and Valkyrie couldn't help but marvel at her behavior. Weren't maids supposed to be quiet and brisk? "Are you always this.. forward?"

She giggled again. "Why, yes. It does happen to be a flaw, but for whatever reason, it amuses our Supreme Ruler, Mevolent. Servants are allowed to speak out in the Palace unless a Mage expressly forbids us to. It also amuses Lord Vile, and he did mention you wouldn't mind. Perhaps he _did_ also tell me to be as annoying as I could be."

She narrowed her eyes. "The asshole. So, like, how is Mevolent to you guys? Do you guys get whipped or something? Please tell me you don't." The girl looked taken aback at her statement. "Goodness, Miss. You've read a lot of books, haven't you?" Valkyrie frowned. "Huh?"

The girl shook her head. "We are treated as servants, which we are. But if you mean whether the punishment for us is the same as mortals, then no. We are treated somewhat closer to human beings."

Valkyrie tilted her head in an unconscious imitation of Skulduggery. "You're a sorcerer? But I thought all the servants were... you know." The girl held out a hand. "Off the bed, now. Thebes needs to fix up the bed." She looked around, the room was as spotless as if new. The plump one, 'Thebes', was standing silently at the side of the bed, waiting for her to get off. She moved reluctantly, and walked over to the tray set down on a side-table. She took a bit of the bread, it was tougher than the one she was used to. The smaller maid continued talking while shaking out the dress. It was a dark, dark purple mixed with black, made of a material she couldn't tell. It was most definitely her style, and if she only had to wear it for a few hours, why not?

"Most of the palace and parlor maids are not mortals. The Mages themselves felt repulsed when mortals were in that close of a vicinity to them. And so," -she held out a hand to help Valkyrie up- "Mortals work more in cleaning and driving sorcerers around." Valkyrie accepted the hand, and stood up. She eyed the cloth nervously. "Uh, how the _hell_ am I going to get that thing on?"

The maid raised her eyebrows. "Why do you think I'm here, Miss? I have to help you get it on."

She stepped back. "Isn't that, like, a breach of privacy or something?" The maid sighed impatiently, and gestured to Thebes to move off the tray without looking at her. "Corsets are very difficult to get on, Miss. Specific maids, like me, are the ones who help lace them up, get them on. For those who cannot afford maids, the husband helps. So you can either walk around with an open corset, or have Lord Vile do you up. Once again, it is your choice."

Valkyrie scowled. "You drive a hard bargain, uh.. what _is_ your name?" She smiled. "Victoria. You may call me Victoria." Valkyrie raised an eyebrow. "Okay, I'll call you Victoria? You okay with that, Tori?"

**(Yes, DeadGirl. I used your name and made you a maid. Try and stop me. Hahahaaaaa. Also, sorry. I needed a name. But wait and see, child. Wait and see.) **

Victoria's lips tightened. "Or call me as you wish, _Miss_." Valkyrie laughed, suddenly at ease. "Oh, relax, Victoria. I won't call you anything you don't want to be." Victoria smiled then, and Valkyrie could see that she was starting to like her. "Run along now, Thebes." Thebes nodded, and walked out, and she caught another flash of black outside. The door was closed by Victoria, and she got to trying to fit into the damn corset.

* * *

It was official. She hated corsets. Despised them. Victoria tightened the corset even more, and she let out a strangled gasp. "Air!" She rasped out. "Air, damn you!" Victoria looked at her, scrutinizingly. "All right." She relented. "I suppose you do need to be able to breathe."

She loosened it, and Valkyrie felt welcome breath flood her lungs. "Thank god for that." She muttered under her breath, and observed herself in the mirror. And her eyebrows merged with her hairline. Sweet baby Jesus, the thing was tight. And revealing. _Very_ revealing. "Uh, Victoria? Don't you think this dress offers a, uh.." she trailed of, unable to complete her sentence. Victoria did so for her.

"An ample display of bosom?"

Blunt as usual. Valkyrie cringed slightly. "Yep. Uh, that." Victoria nodded. "That's sort of the point. Also, since Lord Vile seems to be going through a lot of trouble for you, I'd wager he likes you. And you mustn't disappoint when a person actually seems to notice you." She wistfully sighed at that, and Valkyrie girl-instincts, which had been dormant for over thirteen years, sparked slightly. "Let me guess. You've got it bad for someone."

Victoria blushed slightly, and nodded. "Yes. He's, uh, he's also a Necromancer." Valkyrie let Victoria turn her around to adjust her dress. It did look absolutely wicked on her. She had no idea what terms would be used to describe it, but she did know it had a sweetheart neckline, with a hater top? No, _halter_. Or was it? She had no idea. That was about it. It was, however, a material which seemed similar to satin. Not that she could tell what it was, though. "So, who is it?"

Victoria turned red. "I'd, uh, rather not say. And, uh, oh dear!" Her head whipped up to the clock on the other wall, and she shook her head wildly. "It's been far too late." With a few final adjustments to the dress -Valkyrie hadn't let her do anything to her hair except brush it- she grabbed Valkyrie's black clothes hurriedly. "Now, Miss—"

"Call me Val."

"Alright, Valkyrie." Valkyrie frowned. "Wait, I never actually told you my name-" Completely ignoring Val, Victoria continued on. "We will hand you your clothes back as soon as I can get them cleaned. But that may take a while, most of the servants will be catering to other things around now." Valkyrie stared mournfully at the clothes. "Fine," she gave in, "as long as I get my preciouses back unharmed."

Victoria nodded. "Of course." With that, she hurriedly went over to the door, pushing it open with her shoulder, hands occupied. Valkyrie shrugged, and walked over to the desk Vile had been sitting in earlier, having difficulty in not tripping. With a grunt, she plopped down into the chair, rubbing her shin. She picked up the book curiously, but she'd only gotten as far as turning the first page when Vile stalked in, obviously fuming. His head snapped toward her after a few seconds like he'd completely forgotten about her.

His mask then slithered off, his armor melting away, leaving only his own version of that protecter-arm-shield thingy Skulduggery had given her when they'd been fighting the war against Sanctuaries, when she'd been alongside the Dead Men. For some reason, she really couldn't remember what it was called.

**(Because I honestly forget what it's called and I'm too lazy to pick up the book. Am I lazy? Yes. But what I can remember is looking up 'Black Roman Cuffs'. Think of a longer version of them. Or just remind me what that thing the mages used instead of mortal shields was called.) **

It was obviously black, and solid. His hands were left bare, and were clenched tightly into fists. Danger sign. Unlike Skulduggery's gauntlet-thing, his ended just below his elbow, seeming to move, a liquid shadow. She looked down, his boots seemed oddly enforced, as if he'd shifted his armor into them. She looked back up at his face. He had an eyebrow raised at her, outward demeanor perfectly normal except for the clenched fists. Seemed as if Skulduggery's own traits would remain there whether or not alternate dimensions were involved. She swallowed, and managed a withering look. "Oh, look. Here you are. Had enough lurking?"

If she was going to die, her last words would damn well be either sarcastic or sassy. It was a promise she'd made to herself years previously. Vile shrugged, and eyed the book. "Didn't your parents tell you it's rude to meddle?"

She shrugged. "Multiple times. I never listened, and don't think I ever will, if I'm honest." He laughed, a sharp and bitter sound. He slumped into another chair the showdows in the room dragged to him, and she frowned. He seemed absolutely exhausted. "Why're you so tired?"

He waved a hand vaguely in the air, shrugging off her question. "Reasons. You look.." He was staring at her, expression bordering on weirded out and fascinated.

"Yes..? I look?"

Vile shrugged. "Well, incredibly awkward. Please, never wear dresses again."

She blinked. "Arse." He frowned at her. "What did you _think_ I was going to say?" She crossed her arms, then uncrossed them when she glanced down. "For starters, that I look absolutely amazing."

"But you don't." His head was tiled at an absolutely confused angle. "As I said, you look incredibly awkward, despite the glorious way that dress fits on you." She raised a sly eyebrow. "Did you just inadvertently compliment me?"

"I did?" His expression was so perplexed, she really started wishing she had a camera. "Yep!" She exclaimed, leaping up. "Admit it, you think I look sexy as hell." He tilted his head the other way, which she recognized as playful. "Why would hell be sexy? Would it be because I'll most probably be ruling it? ..Well, eventually."

She scoffed. "As if. It'll be me, obviously." She walked forward. "People will look at me and go 'hey, look at our queen! She's goddamn gorgeous'." He raised an eyebrow, fists unclenched now. "Oh, please. They'll welcome _me_ as their new sexy overlord."

She tried to take another step, completely forgetting she was in a dress. Naturally, she tripped over her own skirts, along with somehow tripping over the carpet. She fell forward, and Vile looked at her falling but still made no move to help her. His attempt at being detached failed miserably, when she fell forward and straight onto him.


	16. Whyareyougettingupdatesthisfast

**Ah, don't you just love clichéd _(but not really)_ romances?**

* * *

**Also, Ghanith/Ganith ahead. First time I've written for them, be gentle. And I lost a bit of this due to an 'o fuck' moment which I won't describe right now. (DeadGirl, remind me to be more vigilant next time. I sorta kinda got caught, fuckin pray for me. That's for all of y'all. Pray that 'that one author gets off easy, and her gadgets and Fanfiction privileges stay with her. Amen') **

* * *

She'd only been able to let out a yelp as Vile stumbled, unbalanced due to her sudden weight. Both fell, her on top of him and her head on his chest. She groaned, and raised her head slowly. Vile's head was on the ground, and she seemed to have knocked the breath out of him. He coughed, and raised his head slowly, grimancing and propping himself up on his elbows, seemingly not having any difficulty in doing so despite the fact that he had her on top of him. Well, now that sounded just wrong. He looked at her with an oddly advanced version of the previous bitchface, and she smiled apologetically, and pushed herself off. She coughed. "Sorry."

"You should be." He muttered, managing to sit up. She whirled around to look at him as soon as the comment hit her ears. "_Excuse me_?" He shrugged, still not moving off-ground. "All I'm saying is that _I'm_ not the one falling onto every person I meet."

"Yeah, you just _kill_ every person you meet."

"I'd argue, but when you're right, you're right." He huffed, and ran a hand through his hair, pushing it back. She would've helped him up, but she was mad at him and.. wasn't he an effing mass-murderer? What was she even doing, mixing him up with Skulduggery? She crossed her arms stubbornly, forgetting the effect that had on her already er, _lovely_ chest. He slowly -and by the looks of it, painfully- levered himself up, using the end of the bed for support. He groaned as he stood straight, shaking out his joints.

"You're a lot heavier than you look, Cain." He grumbled, still standing stiffly in a way that suggested she'd done at least _some_ damage to his back. The second comment only served to annoy her further, and with a complete disregard for what had literally _just_ happened, she stalked angrily up toward him again.

"Okay, listen up, mister! There is a limit—" she shrieked as she tripped and fell on top of him, _again_.

He'd turned to her when she'd started intensely lecturing. "Cain, wha—" the rest of his sentence was drowned out as she ended up falling on top of him, _again_. Since he'd been standing right next to the end of the bed, both ended up falling straight onto it, once again.

Oh, dear.

* * *

Bronze paced his office, occasionally pausing and muttering something, then continuing to pace once again. He paused his pacing once again, lifting his head. "Do you mind repeating your conditions, Silas?"

"_Nadir_. But as I said, I want things I need to be provided for, with a full contract and no cheating me out of anything. I'm not to be hunted by any authorities. Working I can do, something with a bit -or a lot- of leeway for killing. And a place to stay as well, once all this is over. Citizenship or whatever. In _this_ city."

Bronze sighed. "Yeah, a'ight. I'll see what I can do."

Nadir smiled thinly. "Well, great. You have a week, at the maximum, by the way."

Bronze glared, and bit back a seething retort. The _fucking piece of shit._ "Yes." He got out through gritted teeth. "I'll get. It done."

"Great. We're all working together. When'll we get going?" Renn teleported in. "By tomorrow. Now, will you fucking sit down and let us arrange what to do?"

Nadir shrugged. Renn pulled up a chair, turned it backwards and then sat on it, across from him, the back of the chair between his legs. Bronze frowned at the hostile takeover of his office, grumbled something unintelligible at them, and then walked out.

"Now, listen. Skulduggery Pleasant has an extraordinarily uncanny ability to be able to predict what's about to happen, as you already know. But here's one more thing._ I _can predict just as well too. And what I'd bet is about to happen is that Skulduggery or someone around him will have guessed what's about to happen, as in us going to get him. And most probably, they've set up a little trap, made it easier for me to get at him, so they can follow us within controlled circumstances." Fletcher paused then, thinking silently for a moment.

Nadir blinked. "Uh..." He said slowly. "What."

Fletcher looked up. "What what?"

Silas frowned. "I.. I don't understand. What did you just say?"

Fletcher looked at him despairingly, then hit his forehead against the back of the chair that his chin and been leaning on. This one was an idiot. _Great_. "Uh, let's just- no. Um, okay. If you can't understand me, just ignore me. I need to be thinking aloud whenever I plan."

"Why?"

"I don't know. Listen, pick up as much as you can, but I'll brief you anyway later. Okay?" A shrug in response by Nadir. A shoving down of an urge to throw a vase at Nadir's head by Renn.

* * *

Fletcher teleported her into Ghastly's office, then turned and left. She smiled, and tucked a stray escaped strand of hair behind her ear, feeling like a love-struck schoolgirl and.. Actually not minding it. She cleared her throat. "Hey, Ghastly."

Ghastly looked up at her from his desk and smiled warmly. "Tanith!" He walked out from behind the desk, came over to give her a tight hug which she eagerly returned. She pushed him away slightly and looked at him up and down. She hadn't seen him in absolute _ages_. Granted, it was less than a day, but she hadn't seen him _alone_ in at least a.. week. Whatever.

He wasn't wearing a robe, and his clothes were of his own making. Outfit perfectly coordinated, as usual. She smiled, and then hugged him again tighter, feeling the sheer softness of his clothes, the scent of lavender that clung to them and a faint hint of cinnamon which clung to Ghastly. His arms tightened around her, and he rested his chin on her shoulder, nuzzling her neck without seeming to realize it. God, he was adorable.

_Oh_.

She was struck by a startling realization of why everybody could see that Valkyrie and Skulduggery were in a relationship except for them. It was the _same deal_ with her and Ghastly. Did the others have a Bet arranged on _them_? Wha—

Ghastly pulled away and smiled at her again, an odd shyness to it. "Tanith. You're looking well. As wonderful as usual." She rolled her eyes, but couldn't help a grin. "Ghastly, I'm wearing sweatpants and a man's jersey."

He shrugged, blushing slightly. "You look wonderful no matter what you wear."

She giggled —holy fuck she actually _giggled_— at that. "Thank you. You called me here?"

"Oh, right, yeah. Just a reminder that you, Fletcher, Dexter, Saracen and if they can get here, maybe the Monster Hunters are going to go to Mevolent's Dimension and scope the place. Along with a couple of Cleavers for safety, but that's debatable. The maximum, and listen to me on this one, maximum time you'll get to stay there is five hours. That's about it." He coughed, and looked down at the carpet before jerking his head back up. "Just needed to brief you on that."

She took a deep breath. "Hey, Ghastly?" He looked back at her, turning on the spot in an instant. "Yeah?"

She scuffed the tip of her loafer against the carpet -she'd just grabbed a random pair of shoes when she'd gone to answer the door- and swallowed. Just do it. Like that company's slogan. Or Shia Beouf. That one meme. "Do you, I don't know, wanna go for coffee or something sometime?"

He looked so happy that she resisted the urge to lean over and kiss him then and there. He walked closer to her and took her hand. "I would love to-" she grinned at his reply and bounced slightly with excitement, at least until he continued. "But," he said, and her excitement dimmed a bit, replaced by hesitancy.

"You're not a coffee and slow dates person. So, how about we compromise, and instead of coffee when I can shove it into my schedule, instead we binge on your Netflix account after we get Valkyrie back?" He paused, looking up at her, worried he'd overstepped his allowances. She squealed, and hugged him again with such force she knocked him a few steps back. "Yes! I mean, sure! Oh, my god."

He laughed nervously with such obvious relief that she had to frown, pushing him away slightly and looking at him. Underneath the flustered outward appearance, she saw a lot of insecurity and fear, most probably from past relationships. "Hey," she said softly, placing her hands on his cheeks. "Don't worry. Really, you worry _way_ too much. I'll be honest. I had a crush on you back then too, and Valkyrie told me how you became an Elder for my sake. Hell, we kissed, Gus. So,to conclude," she rested her forehead against his "we both have intense crushes on each other. Stop thinking I'm going to ditch you."

He blinked. "Well. That, that's just, wow. Um. Okay. But—"

She rolled her eyes,and then kissed him with such force it knocked any sort of trepidation he had out of him, and after a few moments of him standing absolutely still with shock, he even begin to kiss her back. Finally they broke apart and he leaned his forehead against her's once again. "Yes," she said "now this will work _extremely_ well."

* * *

**New favorite pairing to write: Ghanith.**


	17. Chapter 14(?)

**Prepare for a loooong A/N.**

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**Hiya there! How'd you like the random burst of updates? Aren't I just plain wonderful?**

**So, yeah, I haven't done A/Ns in a while, sorry. But I may or may not be in grave trouble because I have a timed restriction and went against it and bla blah blah which I won't bother y'all with. But as of the moment, I am fine. Huzzah. Also, my internet is cuckoo and worthless.**

**One other thing, I've had this sudden burst in reviews lately, (and this may or may not be a subconscious reason for the fast updates) and I cannot thank you enough. 86 reviews? Eight-fucking-Six reviews? I'm so damned happy, but let's work together and kick the number higher, shall we? Oh, god do I even have any shame? Nope. Onward, then.**

**The last chapter was plenty rushed, I'll admit. Also, fluff is not my thing. And is there a single person out there who doesn't like Ghanith? No? Thought so. Right, continuing on, about the story.**

**_(WARNING, AUTHOR SAPPINESS)_**

**I honestly can't believe I've managed this many chapters, and once again, I love all of you for the support and DeadGirl and SamTKoH for the poems(Haha).**

** MehScrewIt, your shameless teasing for the smut? That too. And the rest of you, whose names I keep forgetting but love anyway. And that one who believes in both liberty and insanity. Okay, yeah, I do remember your names. But I'm too lazy to type them. You're all wonderful, and I swear I never expected this response. Thank you so so much. **_And don't hate me for the things I might eventually do. _**(distant cackling in the background)**

**_(SAPP IS OVER)_**

**Did I mention that there may or may not be a twist coming up? I dunno. If I tell you, I'll ruin the surprise of the whole thing. (Duh) But maybe there won't b****e, you know how I don't control this damn story. So this one's whole thingie is 2,376 words. And reviews will be answered in the next chapter, as this A/N is of nearly 440(!) words. I don't know why I don't just answer in PMs. Oh, right, yeah. I'm lazy as hell.**

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_**New favorite song: Lights Out by Mindless Self Indulgence. Fuckin love it. Looovvveeeee it. It actually suits SP pretty well. (Got it off of IncorrectSP Quotes on tumblr. I've never been happier to find a song!)**_

* * *

"–and that's how we'll get Pleasant here. Hopefully. It's a terrible plan which relies purely on chance, but it's our only plan and quite frankly, I'm much more scared of what Vile will do to me than what this Skulduggery will**." **

He took a deep breath after he finished, having said at least half of his speech without wasting time on a single one. Breath, that was. Bronze, who had wandered back into the room at some point and was currently being targeted by Fletcher was looking back at him with a look resembling a confused puppy and an angry husky. How he managed that, Fletcher had no idea.

Bronze gave a resigned sigh. "You absolutely sure that you don't want me to take the case back?" Fletcher frowned. "Why, because I can't do it, is that it?"

"Honestly?" Bronze shuffled on his feet then raised both eyebrows at him. "Little bit, yeah."

Renn looked at him, expression blank. His eyes narrowed. Bronze realized the warning sign, and gulped, stepping backwards. "Now, Fle—" the rest of Bronze's sentence was drowned out by a howl of pain, as he near-_pirouetted_ with the force of Renn's fist at his face. A slight crack was heard, and Renn smiled, satisfied. Bronze lay on the ground for a few minutes, then raised his head and coughed, hand rubbing his jaw. With a wince of pain, he used the door and wall to help pull himself up. He finally managed to stand, and turned to Fletcher. "Alright," he said, glaring slightly. "I seem to have insulted your fragile ego. But I still don't believe—"

Once again, Renn teleported right in front of him and punched him again, this time on the stomach. Bronze folded, gasping. "Bronze, you're a fucking ass." Bronze grinned, even though he was still folded in pain. "Yeah," he wheezed out "I am. Sorry."

Fletcher crossed his arms. "Apology _not_ accepted. But hey, if you want the case, take it right back. It's the most assholey of cases I've had." Bronze's head snapped up. "Now, let's not be hasty. You're the one best suited to the case, I'm very sorry for being rude please don't give it to me. Your skills are, uh, outstanding."

Renn raised an eyebrow. "Bullshit. You just don't want it because you'll actually have to work."

"...pretty much, yeah."

"Uh," another voice cut in, "what's going on?" Both turned to look at Nadir, who was still sitting at the side of the desk, watching them both with a look that wouldn't have seemed out of place had he seen two lobsters break-dancing. **_(I don't know please ignore my riting scillz)_**

Fletcher grinned, and shook his head. "Bronze keeps being an ass, I keep punching him. It's our thing." He reached out a hand, and helped Devlin stand. Devlin groaned and flopped dramatically, but straightened when Fletcher threatened to drop him. The sandy-blonde rolled his eyes and spoke. "Now, you okay with what I told you, Dev?"

Bronze shrugged, smiling slightly. Nadir frowned. He would _never_ understand these people. Bronze glanced at him for a brief second, but continued. "All in all, it's pretty solid, Fletcher." He looked over and both him and then Nadir, then nodded seriously. "Good luck."

Fletcher nodded, and placed a hand on Nadir's shoulder. In a blink of an eye, they were on top of a random building, from which they could overlook the whole of the huge –and that meant _huge_– city. Nadir shook his head, to clear it, feeling the slightest hints of nausea. He could handle teleportation, he had teleported many times over his lifetime, but he couldn't help but feel slightly queasy now, probably due to the sense of vertigo.

Nadir spoke now. "So, you never did tell me specifically about this," he made quotation marks with his fingers " 'plan' of yours."

Fletcher, who had been staring at nothing at particular, turned to him, brow furrowed. "What? Oh, yes. Well, you're going to shunt me there from one particular place here, where there'll be Precinct Agents stationed. From there, wherever we arrive in this other dimension will be the place from where we'll Shunt back. But where we do arrive might probably not be the safest to stay, so you'll first be showing me a place where you can wait for me to get back. Then you'll be telling me where I'll be most likely to find Skulduggery—"

"Sanctuary." Nadir cut in. "Most of his friends run the place, and he'll be doing his best to find Valkyre Cain."

Fletcher blinked in response. "Right. Yes. That's convenient. Wait, you have _Sanctuaries_ there?" Nadir nodded. Fletcher's eyebrows both raised automatically. Thank god he'd checked the records for what Sanctuaries did or were."Well, you'll be telling me whatever specifics on how to act in this other dimension, and what works there and what doesn't. Clothes and manner included. You'll also be showing me a few places and vantage points.

"Remember, I've never been there. After that, I'll be teleporting you back to whatever 'safe' place you showed me. Then I'll be going for this Skulduggery. Granted, it's probably a trap for me, but it's not like I have a dozen other options. From what I've heard, Vile wants results and not excuses. Whether or not it's possible doesn't matter to him." He muttered the last part sullenly, and Nadir silently agreed with the statement. He'd worked with him, after all.

"So," Fletcher continued after a beat. "if I do happen to get Skulduggery, I'll be teleporting to you first and then you'll grab on to some part of me and then I'll get us to the first place we Shunted to. You'll shunt us both back here instantly. Got it?"

Nadir slowly nodded. "A'ight, yeah." But then frowned in confusion yet again. "What if you don't get back?" Fletcher turned to him seriously, and teleported straight in front of him, placing his hand on Silas' shoulders. "If I don't get back within a few hours," he began, "then I want you to get back here as fast as you can. Then," Fletcher paused and dramatically stared into the distance. Then looked at him straight in the eye. "find somebody and _come back to rescue m_e."

Nadir raised his eyebrows. Welp, he hadn't expected that. He nodded. "Yup."

Fletcher nodded, and removed his hands. "Good. Now," he reached out a hand and placed it at Nadir's elbow. "I think it's time we see where we'll be going on this really, really dangerous 'mission'. As in, we'll be Shunting over there from said place."

* * *

Skulduggery looked at Ghastly and Tanith and frowned. Well, if he'd had a face then he _would_ be frowning. Whatever. Back to point, it seemed as if there was definitely something new to their relationship. The first clue was the doe-eyedness, which was most commonly found within love-sick morons. The other, and more practical clues were how Bespoke's hand seemed to be lingering whenever they touched, same for Low. And— oh, dear. They were kissing now. Making out, more like.

He cleared his non-existent throat to remind them that he was still present. They hurriedly broke apart, looking at him guiltily, both blushing. He rolled his neck around, an alternative for eye-rolling. "Ghastly. I see you and Tanith seem to be.. together."

Fucktards. Lucky fucks. Rubbing it in. Granted they had no idea they were, and he had no idea what 'it' was. Damn, his head was a weird place. Wait. Shouldn't they be doing something about Valkyrie? Well, he wasn't as worried (about her) as he should have been. That was odd. But his reactions to things were never normal, and _that_ was a classified fact. But they were _together_. Ghastly rubbed the back of his head nervously and spoke. "Yeah, it just kind of.. happened, you know?"

He knew there was a smile in his own -_absolutely glorious_\- voice. "Oh, yes." He paused, tilting his head. "Excuse me. I just remembered something important I have to do. Right this instant." He quickly got up and smoothly left Ghastly's office. He then checked that the hallway was clear, and checked any disturbances in the air around him to make sure. Satisfied, he dashed down the narrow halls nearly whooping with joy. Being the dignified skeleton he was, he didn't whoop out loud. He slowed down as he got nearer to the Throne Room, and moved quickly aside to avoid Tipstaff, who was coming back out. Tipstaff looked at his state and frowned. He looked down too, and immediately fixed his jacket and tie.

"Tipstaff." He said, seriously now. Or, well, he did his best, but a gleeful tone still managed to creep into his voice.

Tipstaff raised an eyebrow. "What is it, detective?"

Skulduggery placed both hands on his shoulders. "Ghastly and Tanith are together, Tipstaff. Ghanith exists."

Tipstaff looked at him blankly. A slow grin slowly spread over his face. Tipstaff literally screamed in delight, hoping around happily, squealing. "OH MY GOD. _Dear gosh, are they together! _You're not messing?"

Skulduggery, who'd hastily removed his hands at the Administrator's sudden burst of excitement, shook his head, grinning widely. Internally, of course. "Nope."

Tipstaff seemed to be having a fangirl-spasm, and he was quite aware everybody else would be too. Tipstaff suddenly looked up, having quelled his inner-urges. He coughed. "I apologize for my... excitement." He looked back at the doors to the Throne Room. "Would you do the honors or shall I?"

Skulduggery shrugged. "I'll tell them, you tell the Sanctuary." Tipstaff nodded. He turned to run down the hallway, and paused. "Who's the winner of the Bet? Mine gave it a couple more months."

Skulduggery shrugged. "I'm a week off-target. Go find the winners, Tipstaff. Spread the word." Tipstaff nodded. "I shall. Good day, detective." Tipstaff then lost all remaining semblance of dignity, and sprinted down the halls, like a more frantic version of himself. Of all the people who wanted them together -which was a _lot_\- he was quiet sure that Tipstaff was the most eager. Good for him.

He dusted himself off, then strode in purposefully. China glanced at him over her papers, but didn't bother to do more. Ravel, however, looked up from his own paperwork with a look that screamed boredom. "Grand Mage Sorrows. Elder Ravel."

China looked up at that, and Ravel lost the look of boredom slightly. "Yes?" China inquired, amazed at his formal tone. He clasped his hands together, knowing that if he had a face or façade on, he'd be grinning like a lunatic.

"I would like to be the first to announce to you that our very own Ghastly Bespoke and Tanith Low are finally, finally in a relationship together."

There was a silence across the room. Not even the papers rustled. China finally broke it. "You mean... Ghanith?"

He nodded. "_Ghanith_."

Ravel screamed.

* * *

**I wanted to ask, and give a honest answer. Which character's portrayal do you think is best is this fic? Which character is your favourite? How attached are you to Mevolent-verse Fletcher? Also, how's Bronze? **


	18. Chapter 15(?)

***hysterical laughter***

**Oh my fu—**

***more laughter***

**I can't, I just—**

***sudden burst of yet more laughter***

**Y'all went from 86 to 102 real quick, yeh moronic marauders.**

**I love you all so, so much I can't even say. Brilliant. You all. Are. Brilliant.**

**So, I'm sorry about the really-shortness of this, but I've managed to screw up a lot of things. Namely, I may or may not have gotten extreme-grounded, and can now only access FFN through.. I don't even know how. But I did used to do that with one of those old-fashioned NOKIAs, the ones with the keypads and everything. I'm _that_ obsessed with FanFiction, yes. So about that, this is pretty much the last update you'll get for a _long_ while.**

**Sorry. One more thing. I may not be able to interact with you guys, not properly, but I'm always around, reading reviews, your stories, etc. One sided conversations, eh? So sorry, guys. Same with the PMs. Can't reply, can't even read if we've had a long convo going. It sucks. No, suck is too much of an understatement. But you get it, right? Oh, and this is just the bits and pieces I'd already managed to write. So, again. Sorry! Please don't stop talking to me, I feel like one of those ghosts, who are always around and watching, but can't interact.**

**Actually! I might be able to leave reviews and stuff. Maybe. Ugh. Did I mention I'm going off on a vacation? So yeah, that's another reason. *couGHS* yeah. and PMs. They will be done.. eventually. Maybe.  
**

**Also, I had how I wanted this chapter to be planned out, but noooo. Life had to fuck everything up. So you get this half-assed chapter.**

**The reviews aren't properly answered here either, because I'd only gotten as far as MehScrewIt's (you lucky lil shit). So, don't think I'm picking favorites, guys (because you all come at a tie, right under Victoria -love u bae)**

**Reviews. *bursts into happy laughter yet again.'***

**MSI:** Ah, my dear MehScewwy. On a sugar high. Of _course_ people are going to die. (My rhyming skillz are off the charts?) I feel as if a certain quote about Gordon Edgely would fit here. Guess it!

Also, your lil bro sounds adorable. I love how he just 'harasses' you, it's hilarious.

*rolls eyes* well if someone fell _onto_ you from a height (let's just mix up height and distance rn) and you ended up falling from a great height (Skulduggery's tall as fuck let's not lie) with said someone on top of you, would you not get a damaged back?

* * *

They arrived inside of what seemed to be a warehouse -but could just as easily have been one of the buildings simply cleared out- and Nadir looked around in amazement. It was huge, like everything else in this goddamn dimension. There weren't many lights here, but it wasn't as dark as it should've been. Instead there seemed to be an underlying silver light which glowed from one of the far walls by itself. The rest of the place was a blue-ish grey, due to the light not being able to reach the whole place. The corners were all dark. And the walls apart from the pretty glow-y thingy were all shrouded as well, the edges of everything were blurred. More than enough to see, but not completely lit up.

Fletcher walked ahead of him like he'd done this his whole life, picking his way through the random bits and parts of long-forgotten devices littered through the ground. Warehouse, then. Nadir followed, stepping over where he'd been stepping, so he wouldn't drive his foot straight through something.

Fletcher called out a muffled sentence ahead of him, which he couldn't understand due to it echoing around the place. He opened his mouth** (it corrected to mom and then Monmouth wth) **to ask him to repeat what he'd said, when another voice yelled out a response to Fletcher. Silas frowned, and then blinked in surprise, and saw that they'd passed over some kind of shield, similar to the effects a cloaking Sphere would've had. Somehow, he could tell that it wasn't a cloaking Sphere, probably some tweaked sigils. He just never knew with these people.

Either way, he could now see a whole bunch of people scurrying about, calling out things to each other and a general bustle. There weren't _that_ many people here, but the general movement made it seem like there were more of them present. He saw a man come over to Fletcher, and say something, which was yelled over the noise of people but which Silas still couldn't understand.

Fletcher nodded, and slapped the man on the back cheerfully. Friends, then. The man moved his lips, probably muttering something sour, but smiled nonetheless. The other man raised an eyebrow at something Renn said, but looked back at Nadir and nodded at him. Said something else to Fletcher and went off somewhere, mixing in with the others instantly and soon lost to sight.

Fletcher teleported by his side in an instant, saving him the trouble of going to him. He put an arm at the crook of Nadir's elbow, teleported them both directly into the middle of the... whatever this was. Operation?

"So," Renn said, directly into his ear. Now he could finally hear him. "you ready?"

Nadir turned to him, nodded. "We going now?"

Renn nodded in response. "Yep. In a while, anyway."

Nadir nodded again. "What're you all doing here, anyway?" Fletcher smiled at him, something decidedly amused -or mischievous- masked within the polite expression. He didn't answer him. After a few moments, Renn randomly turned to someone, got into a conversation and walked off. Without even glancing back at him.

_What an asshole_.

Rude, that was. Plain rude. Sure, he himself was a serial killer and killing in itself was rude but, hello? Manners? Didn't the guy's parents teach him some manners? Git. Nadir sighed, and made a mental note to kill someone soon. He needed to, his sociopath-senses were losing their edge. He was talking about _manners_, for Christ's sake. He turned on the spot shifting from one foot to another. This was awkward. He moved slightly toward the nearest wall, so he wouldn't be in people's way. A woman, with a scar running from her forehead to her nose nearly crashed into him, then scowled back at whoever had shoved her and stalked off, barely glancing at him.

Well, that was just.. okay? Damn, what the hell had Renn been doing? He still hadn't seen the man/child/whatever since he'd walked off. He pursed his lips, whistling the tune whistled in that Imagine Dragons song, what was it? Gold? Silver? Something like that. He'd liked the tune. He leaned his head back against the wall, letting his mind wander off. What had he been doing, when he'd heard the song?

Hiding out in a Mortal music shop, that was it. He didn't like Mortals, with their sheep-like tendencies, but he did appreciate their music. He'd asked the boy standing behind the counter what the song playing was. The boy had responded with a air of barely hidden contempt at Nadir's state, and Nadir had driven the decorative souvenir/bookmark/whatever fancy thing on the counter through the boy's neck repeatedly, leaving him a bloody heap. He'd felt a lot better after that. He'd also stolen the boy's iPod. And then promptly lost it.

"_Silas_. Nadir. _Silas_ ." Renn's voice snapped him out of his thoughts. He looked around, confused and then realized that Renn was snapping his fingers in front of his eyes, right in front of him. "Sorry, whu?"

Renn rolled his eyes. "Big thingamajig. Alternate Dimensions. Now."

Nadir straightened up, immediately alert. "Let's go,then."

* * *

Nadir had an arm rested on Renn's shoulder when they both flickered, and the world melted in around them. Nadir kept his concentration, and in a few more seconds they were back in his home-dimension.

He looked around, feeling a small smile creep onto his face. It felt good to be back, despite the fact that he couldn't stay here, not if he wanted to be free. This was, after all, his own world. You couldn't exactly just forget about it and abandon it without any sort of homesickness. They were in a.. park. Good, at least they hadn't shown up smack into the middle of a busy road. That would've been... awkward, to understate it. He looked to Fletcher, who was turning on the spot, taking in a 360* view of the place. "Huh," he spoke. "this actually isn't as different as I thought it would be."

Nadir grinned. "Oh, you haven't seen anything at all. Come on, let me show you."

Fletcher's own beige overcoat was hiding the differently-styled clothes of the other dimension, and Nadir was fairly confident nobody would notice them in the dusk. This was Dublin, after all. And it was rapidly getting darker and darker. They walked forward, Nadir pointed out darker alleys for Fletcher to teleport to. Somehow they managed to end up in front of a shabby place, with water dripping off pipes and splashing dangerously close to their boots.

Nadir looked at him. "Now, this is a place of an old acquaintance of mine, owes me a few. He'll explain the, uh, current events and everything to you, while a lackey of 'is is gonna get you some regular clothes."

Fletcher just shrugged.

* * *

**Love these couple of paragraphs. That's about it. Ugh, just take it. This is the opposite of how I wanted this chapter to go, I'm screaming internally but wanted to give you fuckers a final something. Also, this is all that was written, and I love this bit too much to post it ages later. /(-_-)/ Okay, idea! Just think of this as a preview for the next chappie. **

* * *

The entire Sanctuary was in a frenzy, with Tipstaff desperately flailing and trying to get everybody back in control. Which was not going well. Oh, dear.

"Alright, alright. Now, please— _no, don't set off those firecrackers!_"

Tipstaff glowered at a young-looking Mage who had somehow managed to make it rain confetti around select areas of the Sanctuary. Namely, the toilets and Cleaver-barracks. It was actually impressive how he'd managed to do it, but annoying. Just because of the lovely news of a relationship between Elder Ghastly Bespoke and Tanith Low.

Yes, Tipstaff himself was over the moon, but after that -extremely _un_professional- bout of happiness he'd reverted back to his usual -_professional_\- self. The fact that he was intercepting all paperwork or whatnot sent to Elder Bespoke and discreetly clearing said Elder's schedule meant nothing.

At least _he_ wasn't making it rain confetti on naked fighting Cleavers.


	19. Chapter 16

**Oi, it's my birthday today, you fuckers! *grins like a moron***

**In this one, you get some weird form of Nadir and AUFletcher bonding. Or something. Written entirely on a Samsung, (which is fucking difficult) and yeah. Started at like, what? 1 am? Before? Idk. I just wanted to get a chapter up on my birthday. (!)**

**Oh. Yes. I do happen to be a year older, yes. Yay me. (Do not be fooled I suppose, on some internal level, I am pretty happy. Excited is such a strong word)**

**Oh, and yes. The username has changed. I'll probably change it back eventually. For the time being LionsandTrolls is ThatOneSkeletonCop. I'll still be signing reviews etc with LionsandTrolls though.**

**Have I mentioned I've spent the night at an old best friends house and yeah... it was odd. But awesome. Ahem. I honestly cannot make myself type anymore. Sorry bout the review thing. I'm just not going to promise answers anymore. God, my head hurts like fuck.**

**Right! On with the story.**

* * *

Fletcher frowned at the plaid shirt, then raised his arm and inspected the sleeve of the jacket. This was what people here wore? _This?_

"Okay!" Nadir announced as he strode back into the room, pausing momentarily to check what the sandy blonde was wearing. Plain white shirt, with a red and black checkered plaid shirt and a brown jacket over it. Unnecessary amount of.. _layers_ but eh. That wasn't a problem. Lots of people wore layers. Like Valkyrie Cain's constant jacket. Or those two morons in that tv show, Supernatural. Didn't those guys love plaid or something?

"So," he cleared his throat and Fletcher dropped his arm and looked at him, face morphing into Resting Bitch Face. "remember this; I asked around, and aparently there's another you here. This other you is also the last teleporter in here. The rest were all killed by a group called the Diablerie-"

Fletcher raised his head and frowned at him. "_The_ Diablerie? The ones lead by Baron Vegas **(oh my god autocorrect)** Vengeous, formerly China Sorrows?"

Nadir blinked. "Yes, well, there is a whole 'nother story for that one in his dimension. I'm not telling you, it's far too long. Back to point, this other you. He doesn't look all that different from you, from a distance. Up close, you two are like, what? Distant cousins or something. Oh, yes and he's blonde and has hair which look like a bleached porcupine died on his scalp."

Fletcher raised both eyebrows, thumbs hooking into the pockets of the loose blue jeans. The sizes weren't exact, the jacket slightly big.

"Well," he said slowly, not quite sure as to what to make of the statement. "I'll keep that in mind."

Nadir nodded, then beckoned him to follow him through the doorway. With an off handed yell to his 'guy', who had chosen an extremely unfortunate name of Brock. E. Lee, Nadir and, ergo, Renn were out the door.

Renn let Nadir lead, following him as he wrapped the scarf he'd grabbed from the hook next to the door around his throat and lower half of his face. He frowned again, clueless. "Why are you doing that?"

Nadir sheepishly looked at him. "Oh yes, I forgot to mention. I am one of the bad guys here. So I've got to stay incognito as I can. Multiple counts of murder? Remember that?" Fletcher started to nod, but Nadir cut him off, continuing. "But you are definitely one of the good guys. So you need to act like one. Say it with me;" he paused for a breath while Renn watched him, confused but decidedly unimpressed. He made no attempt to speak 'with' him.

"I," Nadir said slowly, "am, not one of the bad guys."

Fletcher looked at him blankly. He shook his head. "I beg to differ. I'm wearing _plaid_."

Nadir paused, and opened and closed his mouth. "Okay, I'll give you that one," he grudgingly admitted.

Renn rolled his eyes. "Besides, I _am_ one of the good guys, remember?"

Nadir shook his head, eyes scanning the shabby and most probably illegal stalls around them. "You're on Mevolent's side, innit? How many people has he annihilated? Thousands more than me, I'll tell you that."

Fletcher didn't answer. Nadir had led Renn into a marketplace, and for the life of him couldn't seem to be able to find what he was looking for. With a grunt of annoyance, he took a sharp turn to the left, Renn following, albeit slowly. He didn't particularly care about the clothes -they were bloody _plaid_\- but the boots were still his own, and he did _not_ want them ruined in an alternate dimension with some ridiculous things called.. cars. Which blew out that dreadful smoke. How were people here even able to survive? And that was another thing. This world was run by mortals. Mortals.

What a bad decision. He wondered how they'd been allowed to do that. Oh, yes. Mevolent was dead here. That was a strange thought.

Despite his internal musings, and mild crisis of faith, he'd been carefully following Nadir, who had let out a triumphant yell ahead of him. He nearly teleported directly to him, before remembering what Nadir had said about magic in front of mortals. How cumbersome.

With a silent groan, he stalked across the muddy puddles, hoping against hope it wasn't going to start raining again. He was cold enough as it was, and dear god he missed his coat. His beloved coat. He wouldn't have been freezing if he'd had his fucking coat.

"What?" He asked him through gritted teeth. Nadir shrugged at him, then held a finger to his lips, pointing out a side-nook to Fletcher with the other hand. "Go over there."

"Why?"

"Just.. trust me, okay?"

"I do not trust you in the least. Honestly, I wouldn't trust you with the life of my cat. Or even one shoe of mine."

Nadir made a face, then gently pushed him towards it. "Hush now. Go."

Rolling his eyes so hard it wouldn't have been surprising if he'd glanced at the back of his own skull, Renn walked off. He stood in the small space between two buildings, and watched with lips pursed in distaste. Fuckin' heathen.

Nadir went over and started chatting with the guy at a small... _stall_, would be the word closest to what it was. The guy didn't seem to like Nadir at all, judging by the way his lip kept curling through the conversation. He _still_ couldn't see what this feat was that Nadir wanted to show him. He continued to lean against the wall, peeking out just enough to see what Nadir was doing.

Nadir was still talking to the shopkeeper, and if this was the great thing he'd told Fletcher he was going to do, then he honestly just. He couldn't. What was that thing those two girls had been squealing? I can't, I just can't.

Nadir leaned over, still talking and then, quite by accident it would've seemed, his leg hit the stall next to it, and he twirled, leg twisting around the side and stall actually raising itself and hitting the person manning the particular stall in the leg, who let out a bellow of pain and wheeled around to yell at the guy in the stall that Nadir had previously been chatting with. For some reason, the man ignored Nadir and angrily argued with his rival. Nadir moved around the stall and opened a small metal box placed on it. He shook out a key from his sleeve (_how_?) and opened the box, which revealed what was probably money inside.

Nadir grabbed a wad of cash while the guys glared at each other. Also paused and grabbed a hat and then he ran like the Devil's own henchman was after him. Well, probably not as dramatic. Surprisingly fast, he nearly knocked into Fletcher, grinning like a lunatic. "Teleport!" He hissed, ducking behind him. The two guys both looked up furiously and started running after Nadir, and Fletcher obligingly teleported them both out.

They both ended up on a random rooftop he'd spotted, Nadir smiling. He hadn't gotten to kill anyone, but that had been _fun_.

"So?", he asked Renn, spreading his arms wide and walking backwards, away from the edge they'd teleported to. "How was that?" he eagerly continued.

"Not that impressive," Renn deadpanned and the smile slid off Nadir's face. "What? Come on, that was cool."

"Not really," Renn murmured. "and weren't you supposed to show me to the.. Sanctuary?" Nadir crossed his arms, greatly disappointed. "Fine." He said, shoulders slumping. "Teleport us down there, we'll need a cab."

Renn frowned after him. "A _what_?"


	20. Really long AN Alternative title WHY

***repeatedly slams forehead into wall* **

***DeadGirl, MehScrewIt,Libertied Insanity, Hrhowling,(_er_..um..uh..), Phoebe Pleasant, SamTKOH, GreenShado, Bryno' something, and.. well, other people watch in confusion and mild horror, including as yet unnamed readers* **

**Continue reading. Stellar script, I tell ya. Shush. Just read it.**

* * *

_**LionsandTrolls**_** :_ [continues to lose sanity]_ [_Moans in internal agony_]**

**_Libertied Insanity_ : _[goes to hit poor LionsandTrolls with a stick, is stopped by joint efforts of HrHowling and DeadGirl]_**

**_MehScrewIt : _ _(Internally wondering how useful the stick might be) _****Er, do you think she's okay?**

**_LionsandTrolls : [muffled sob]_**

**_DeadGirl : [sighs]_ I'd wager no. Or does _this_ look sane to you? **

**_LionsandTrolls : [stirs dangerously, continues sobbing. And occasionally snorting.]_**

**_HrHowling : [narrows eyes at temporarily ignored-by-rest LionsandTrolls] [steps back] _Er... guys? Guys!**

**_[HrHowling remains ignored] _**

**_MehScrewIt : _Don't get sassy with me, lady. She's your weirdo, not mine. **

**_Libertied Insanity : [coughs testily] _I'll warn you _I_ have that title. **

**_DeadGirl : _Okay, you're the funny one, she's the sarcastic one. Capisce? Right, Mayhem? Shit. Mayhem? [_stares_] Ohmigod. **

**_HrHowling : [crosses arms] _And I told you what?_ [flips hair] [huffs] _**

**_HrHowling : (muttering)_ Serves the non-reviewing bitch right. **

**_MehScrewIt : (overhearing)_ (internally agrees, nods to HrHowling) **

**_MehScrewIt : [looks up] [shakes head]_ Well, we all knew it was coming, right? **

_Phoebe Pleasant : (is remembered) _

**_Phoebe Pleasant : [steps into room] [frEEZES IN SHocK]_ What. The. Actual. Unholy. Fuck. **

**_DeadGirl, MehScrewIt, HrHowling, SamTheKingOfHell all turn to look_**

**_MehScrewIt : [turns to SamTKOH/Hunter] [frowns] The hell? When did you get here?_**

**_SamTKOH/Hunter Crowley : [shrugs]_**

**_LionsandTrolls : [hisses menacingly] _**

**_Everybody : [looks back up at LionsandTrolls swinging on a very conveniently placed chandelier] _**

**_Pheobe : Uh.. should have known something was up ever since she mentioned a Candy Shop(50 Cent) fic based on Ghastly. _**

**_Everybody : [frowns] Er.. What? _**

**_Phoebe : [blushes] [coughs] Nothing. _**

**_DeadGirl : [shakes head] Somehow I expected that. _**

**_Libertied Insanity : Guys, can we focus on the non-reviewing and non-PM-answering little—_**

**_Hunter Crowley : —person who doesn't reply at all— _**

**_LionsandTrolls : (interrupting Libb'In &amp; Hunter) Piece of trash! Piece of trash is I, with a fucking lot of issues. _**

**_MehScrewIt : [narrows eyes] Gettin' real tired of your shit, Trolls. _**

**_Hunter : Well, can't argue with the issues part. Also, I'd say she wins the medal for not answering PMs. _**

**_DeadGirl : [sighs heavily] I have no idea what the hell is happening, but.. uh. Mortis? Mayhem? ThatOneSkeletonCop? Leo? [pauses] LionsandTrolls? _**

**_LionsandTrolls : [snorts like caged wild animal, peeks out behind weeks-unbrushed hair wildly streaming around face] Uh.. Yeah? _**

**_DeadGirl : Um.. wanna get down from there? _**

**_LionsandTrolls : [considers options] no._**

* * *

**_the end._**

* * *

**_[odd quietness around the room] [music plays] [lights dim, then disappear]_**

**_[beat gets faster] _**

**_[chorus] _**

**_LIONSANDTROLLS/THATONESKELETONCOP/MORTIS MAYHEM _**

**_Apologizes dearly _**

**_For this horror she has put you through_**

**_[chorus ends] _**

**_[curtain closes] _**

**_[cast swaggers out, bows in a very uncoordinated and unsynchronized manner] _**

**_[lights shut off again, to save _some_ dignity]_**

* * *

Ahem. Hello, y'all. Um. I haven't updated for a bit, have I? *nervous laugh* Why, you're wondering. Or _why this thing._

To answer; I.. I can't write. At all. I mean, if I sat down, had some peace of mind, sure. I could pull out some half-assed chapter. But no, I had to be sitting on the toilet (literally. I wrote practically all of this on the toilet, which explains why it's shit. Um, I'm over-sharing, aren't I?) and pull out this not-funny-at-all thing. Ugh. I'm so sorry.

To find a point, this somewhat symbolizes my mental state lately. Odd. Plain odd. Also, there are some.. events, I suppose. I can't tell you because of, well, reasons. If you want to know, log in and leave a review. I'll contact you myself. Don't PM ThatOneSkeletonCop if you want to get an answer. I mean, you might. I do often check this. But I suggest checking out Mortis Mayhem. Lovely author, if I do say so myself. Or just ask DeadGirl. She knows.

Ahem. I'd like to say sorry to all the authors/readers I've

-scarred

-defiled

-shocked

-caused to have therapy

-made quit theatre

-tsk in utter misery

-get real tired of my shit

-OOCed to the point of sheer irritation. That's you, Libertied Insanity.

So... This wasn't a chapter. Hell, this wasn't even an A/N. Er, basically just wanted youse all to know I'm still around, lurking, and no, _**this fic is not abandoned**_. At all. Don't think that. There are plot developments to come which you will despise me for, so be happy that my lack of writing is letting you have some liking for this terrible, terrible fic. And it's not like I don't have ideas, I do. Plenty. However. None of them (except for a couple) are for this fic. See my problem?

Also, I am aware there is a rule book for writing playscripts and such, but I've completed forgotten how to do that, I mean there's_** [beat]**_ and all that shit, but then I made something shitty and just kinda went with it.

On another note, has anybody here read _Good Omens(The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, witch)_? Holy shit I love that book. I haven't even finished it yet, but yeah. And Terry Pratchett's passed away. I feel oddly sad about that, I didn't know. Hell, I don't think I've even read any of his books. Or maybe I have, his name sounds real familiar. Dunno.

Trailing off! Again! Damn it. Also, Good Omens AU. Anybody?


	21. Chapter 17(?)

**Um, hey. Have this kinda-shitty chapter.**

**(You're welcome, by the way.)**

**After literally, like, what? It was in the 17 th chapter, right? So.. Five? Four? Idk man but after plenty of chapters, we see what happens with Lord Vile and the esteemed Valkyrie Cain. Alas, they do not happen to bang. **

**Oh, yeah, did I mention? I have a couple new stories out! Not one, but two. Um, I actually like them quite a bit, I'd love it if you'd check them out. All you gotta do is click/tap on my profile. Just saying. The Lord Vile/Darquesse one, _Midnight Talks_, will have multiple chapters, by the way. **

**And on that topic, FF rubbed out a few bits of that and I didn't notice. So yeah, they have been corrected and it's been re-uploaded. Check it out? It's short, they both are. And review, maybe? feeling pretty down these days, school is notorious for causing old mental problems to rise again. *heavy sighing***

**Cheerio, then. Did I mention you might get another update somewhat soon?**

* * *

"Cain. _Cain_."

She blinked, wondering why the hell she was on top of a surprisingly hard mattress. Wasn't the bed soft, like, an hour ago? Stupid alternate universe beds.

"Valkyrie. Val. _Val_."

Skulduggery? What was he doing in an alternate dimension? Oh, wait. He was Lord Vile, wasn't he? Here? Why was Lord Vile calling her? Well, she _had_ just fallen on him.

Hold on a second.

Fuck. Fuck. Fucking hell, she was _on_. _top_. _of_. _Lord_. _Vile_. A very hot Lord Vile, but a Lord Vile nonetheless. She pushed herself up, trying to get up onto her elbows, but at his annoyed '_ow! Stop skewering me!_', she tried to push herself onto her palms instead, and then succeeded, but only in pushing herself _upward. _And then then collapsed _again_, this time hitting her head against the lavish headboard.

"Ow," he groaned again, muffled against her stomach, at the time time she hissed "Shit,"

She scowled to herself, knowing there'd be a bump on her head later on. Dammit. And then an annoyed huff sounded, and strong hands grabbed her waist and then moved her themselves, ignoring her protests against being treated similar to a giant four year old. She was set down, and she glared impressively at the thick tendrils of shadows helping her keep her balance, almost tender in their hovering. As she sat on what she assumed were a clump of pillows or blankets, she debated whether or not it would be worth it to punch Vile in the nads. The reaction to that would truly be one to see.

Vile finally managed to get himself upright in a sitting position and blinked in surprise at a Valkyrie Cain sitting on his lap. She blinked back at him, and both stared blankly at each other for a solid fifteen seconds, too stunned by the sheer awkwardness of the situation.

"Right," he began, same time as she started, "Okay—"

Both stopped again, and stared in confused silence again, and then started again, with her saying 'So,' and him saying "Listen,' barely a millisecond apart. And then -astonishingly, at least to _him_,- Cain started laughing. And when Valkyrie Cain burst out laughing, it wasn't musical, nor was it dainty or ladylike. A fit of sniggers and snorts and guffaws were more her style, and they were being let out as she stopped laughing for a whole two-second point and then burst into giggles again at his expression.

_I do believe it's sure that she's certifiably insane_. "Alright, this is getting unnerving enough." He continued out loud. "Valkyrie, stop laughing."

She shook her head wildly, still bloody laughing. Was that a symptom of something? It probably was. Continuing laughing, she collapsed, ending up leaning against his chest, shaking. The laughter tapered off, and while Vile uttered a silent prayer in his state of mild shock, due her now _quietly_ sitting against him, he heard a tiny, muffled.. _sniffle_?

"Um.." He tried, but trailed off as she actually started crying now, keeping her head buried and making as little sounds as possible. One might think she was still laughing, but he'd had experience (centuries old, but women always have their things in common) with a similar situation. And that at this moment, it was probably better not to mention anything about right now later lest he get his head sliced right off. Or he could just kill her first. This didn't happen to him. He was _Lord_. _Bloody_(in a way other than simply swearing). _Vile_. Killer of countless, destroyer of villages, cities. _Countries_. He was an unstoppable force,and he had been mellowing out simply too much during all this and- oh dear god. He looked back down at her.

She was shaking now, her shoulders raking with sobs. Dear Faceless Ones— Wait, why them? He didn't even worship them. If anything he wanted to be able to kill them. Another muffled cry. Right. Back to point. Focus. Back at her. He looked at her and she made a movement which hit him hard and hit him fast, and hit him right when he did not expect it.

* * *

_She moved her head slightly, still turned away from him. She brought her right hand up, squeezing her eyes shut and massaging the corners of her eyes, by thumb and middle finger. "I am fine, dear." Her voice shook, and it was quite obvious that she was not, as they said, fine. _

_Skulduggery didn't respond verbally, instead simply pulling her closer to him and putting his chin on the top of her head. "Hush, now. It will be alright." A slight, shaky laugh. "Look at you, acting all nice," she said. He couldn't help the smile that drifted across his lips. "For you, darling, I shall be," A beat. "Even though it irritates me greatly." Another laugh, less shaky this time. _

_His beautiful, beautiful wife borrowed deeper into his chest, hands clutching the lapels of his coat. He'd run in when he'd heard the sounds from the outside, and had abandoned everything else to hold his sobbing wife who rarely ever usually let a single tear out. In doing so, he'd left his coat on. She did not seem to mind. _

_"Skulduggery." It would seem she was plucking up the courage to tell him something. He shifted her position so she was leaning with her head on his shoulder and his cheek on her forehead. "Yes, darling?" _

_There was a long pause. "I.." _

_He frowned, worried, and urgently looked back at her, checking her face for any signs of pain or discomfort. A fleeting fear skittered through his mind of her dying, one that wrenched at his heart. A more fledged fear was her dying and him living. He couldn't, not without her. _

_He put a hand underneath her chin and raised her head. "Yes?" _

_She breathed in, and then slowly breathed out. Skulduggery was one of the more -or most- ruthless soldiers there were, and he didn't take kindly to anything that made him angry. She was still terrified of him losing his temper, even now that he had proven repeatedly that he cared for her. Skulduggery could read this as easily had she said it out loud. It did hurt, but the fear was well-founded, and fear was what kept a person alive, breathing. Whatever it was, she didn't think he would react nicely to it._

_"I'm with child." _

_He choked on air._

* * *

Valkyrie Cain did not cry. Lest cry in front of a psychopathic mass-murderer who also happened to be an alternate version of her best friend and partner. Neither cuddle him while sitting on his lap. She frowned at her hands which had a death-grip on his shirt, and forced them to let it go.

Valkyrie stopped openly sobbing, furious with herself, and wiped at the tears which were still falling. Was she on her period? She might be PMSing. She frowned through the tears which wouldn't seem to _stop bloody falling_, and looked up at Vile. His hands were around her shoulders, and his eyes had a strange faraway look in them. He was there, but not really _there_. She blinked in surprise at something else she saw, and her hand wiping away the tears which had now finally ceased to fall (honestly, she was reminded of the cartoons in which people cried fountains) and then leaned closer, squinting carefully. There were tears glistening at the corners of his eyes, and they were glassy, the green glossed over.

"Skulduggery?", she asked before she even realised what she was saying. His head tilted imperceptibly to the right, and she had a distinct feeling that this wasn't Vile. Go detective skills, and thank you skeleton man. What had Skulduggery said about this? Direct questions, right.

"Are you Skulduggery Pleasant or Lord Vile?"

He looked at her, eyes tired and dead. A barely noticeable nod. Something told her he couldn't move his body beyond that. And that Vile would be coming back very soon. But she had to do her best to bring this Skulduggery back, in an effort to repay her own universe's Skulduggery, who had brought her back from Darquesse too many times. "Skulduggery, if you're there, then listen to me. You don't know me, you've never met me. But I'm-"

An eyebrow condescendingly raised, and she nearly blushed. "Right. Not important. But listen, you need to fight this. You need to come back, Sku- Mr. Pleasant." She spoke quickly. "You know, there's a Skulduggery in my world. He's my Skulduggery, and he is the biggest asshole anyone will ever meet. But it's taken me too long to realize that I _love_ him, despite him being a lovable shit. And that, just maybe, he loves me too. And I have t- no, I _need_, to get back to him, and tell him. Vile won't let me leave this place easily, and you know that. Please. Fight this. Fight Vile." He watched her with those green eyes, a hopeless and deadened look in them. He made no move of response. (She would stare in shock at a speech as lousy as that, too.)

A moment later, his shoulders straightened (she hadn't even noticed how they'd slumped) and his eyes blinked into awareness, _sharpening_, almost. Alert. Vile was back. He looked down at her, not showing any hint of noticing the lost time. "Oh, good. You've stopped crying. I was debating whether or not to rip out your tear ducts. Aren't you glad I didn't?"

She stared at the morbid meaning and jolly tone. Something was off. But then a fake smile pulled itself in over her face and settled back into a mask that hadn't been used for nearly five -six?- years. "Oh, don't you lie. You love me."

"I'm sure I do." And then he was so much like her Skulduggery, that she just now realized that she missed so, so much, as much as she'd said, so much that she was wrapping her arms around him as far as they would go, and tightly squeezing him, for the solace of some form, some version, of Skulduggery with her. She wasn't sure what reaction hugging Lord Vile would've had. What he said next was definitely _not_ it.

"Why... why are you squeezing me with your body?"

"It's called a hug, you moron. I'm hugging you."


	22. whatchapteristhisicanteven

_**Important note/edit; a part of this has been changed and re-uploaded. The bit changed is in fact marked, and it's actually quite short, if you'll deign to scroll down a bit. Sorry about that, but it turns out I'd written it differently somewhere else and saved it aand then forgotten about it so yeah, it's the Tanith, Ghastly and Monster Hunters bit. Muah~**_

* * *

**IM SORRY THIS IS SO LATE (i lie never trust me wen i say ill update soon) BUT SHIT HAS BEEN HAPPENING UGH GOD **I GOT CAUGHT** AND YEAH I MEAN _SHITTT HAPPENEDD. also school is destroying me emotionally and physically. also the heat.  
_**

**_ALSO!_**

**130 Reviews! One-hundred-and-thirty reviews! **

**Thank you all SO MUCh oh my god. Keep reviewing, its what stops me falling into a bottomless pit of despair! **

***laughs* **im not ok i promise

* * *

...

The entire Sanctuary was in a frenzy, with Tipstaff desperately flailing and trying to get everybody back in control. Which was not going well. Oh, dear.

"Alright, alright. Now, please— _no, don't set off those firecrackers!_"

Tipstaff glowered at a young-looking Mage who had somehow managed to make it rain confetti around select areas of the Sanctuary. Namely, the toilets and Cleaver-barracks. It was actually impressive how he'd managed to do it, but annoying. Just because of the lovely news of a relationship between Elder Ghastly Bespoke and Tanith Low.

Yes, Tipstaff himself was over the moon, but after that -extremely _un_professional- bout of happiness he'd reverted back to his usual -_professional_\- self. The fact that he was intercepting all paperwork or whatnot sent to Elder Bespoke and discreetly clearing said Elder's schedule meant nothing. At least _he_ wasn't making it rain confetti on naked fighting Cleavers.

Tipstaff scowled, and stalked through the Sanctuary, having grabbed said offending Mage by the ear and smirking slightly at the yelps of _'Ow! Stoppit!'_. The Mage was hissing at him not all that threateningly, but wasn't making violent attempts to escape. They reached the holding cells and Tipstaff motioned to Staven Weeper, to come forward and escort him to the cells. He hadn't done anything wrong, but the Sanctuary was in a dangerous state and Tipstaff wasn't taking any chances, not while his taken name was Tipstaff and his job Administrator.

The Mage bounded into the cell strangely cheerfully, and raised an eyebrow at him from the other side. Tipstaff cleared his throat. "Listen here, Mr.."

"Kerian. Kerian Ryales."

"Reeya what now?"

"_Riya._ Sound's kinda like a '_ya'._ Ruh, ya, lez. Ryales. Kerian."

Tipstaff blinked. Altogether a strange name, but he wasn't one to judge. "Well, Mr Ryales-"

"Call me Kerian. Or Ker, whatever floats your boat."

"_Mr Ryales_, what on earth possibly possessed you to _confetti the Cleavers_?"

Kerian hesitated. "But.." he said slowly and almost mournfully, almost whining. "_Ghanith_."

* * *

_**Psst! Edited!**_

* * *

Tanith, sitting on Ghastly's lap, frowned at the door which had slammed shut behind Skulduggery. "Don't you think there was something really suspicious about that?"

Ghastly shrugged. "Yes. But then again, it's Skulduggery. When _isn't_ he suspicious? He's probably still pining -I mean whining- for Valkyrie, or something."

Tanith nodded. That seemed right. "Hey, speaking of Val, weren't we supposed to go look for her?" Ghastly, who had been nuzzling her neck froze, and with an uttered cry of '_Shit!'_, he ran through the door, pulling her after him as she nearly collapsed face-first to the ground due to being in his lap and then being -quite literally- knocked off. She righted herself and ran alongside him, both moving in the opposite direction Skulduggery had gone, although they didn't know it.

They passed Mages going the other way and giggling excitedly, which was curious in itself. Mages generally weren't known for their sunny attitude. Least of all Roarhaven Mages.

Ghastly pulled his phone out while still running, -damn, he had skill- and called Fletcher on speaker. "Fletcher!"

"H-y, Ghas- ly", Fletcher's voice cracked out the other side, the Sanctuary's reception being horrible as usual, due to the way-too-extravagant walls of the practically palace -Mist had been _very_ busy. But as they passed a few more doorways his voice cleared up. "Ghastly? Ghastly?" Being too out of breath to respond, he continued to run with Tanith alongside him. What a lovely date this was.

Finally they both stopped, Ghastly collapsing in what looked like another random office. He got up off the ground and maneuvered himself onto a chair, then focused back on the phone, as a muttered rendition of 'We wish you a Merry Christmas' continued on the line, until Ghastly got his breath back and cut him off mid '-and a happy'. "Fletcher, shut up. We need you to go get Dexter and Saracen, and the Monster Hunters."

"-new year," Fletcher finished, then continued, "Actually, been meaning to talk to you about that. Dexter and Saracen are busy with their own things and I can't get a hold of them, _but_ Donegan and Gracious are insanely excited about going to an alternate dimension. Will they work?"

Ghastly nodded. "They can take care of themselves, and so can Tanith. Yeah. Bring them in right now, and you come too. Office 8. You're going to an alternate dimension, congratulations."

He cut the call, and then dialed another number, and Creyfonte Signate responded. "Hello?"

Tanith drummed her fingers on her knee as she waited and listened to Ghastly.

"Mr. Signate. Can you come over to office number 8 this instant? You've been here, haven't you?" A pause. "Yes, that one. Yes, we're shunting." Babbling on the other side. "Yes, we're shunting _now_." More babbling. "I don't _care_, Mr. Signate," Ghastly's voice took on a threatening tone, and you could _see_ -well, _hear_\- the Dead Man. "Valkyrie Cain is in a hostile dimension, with God-knows-who, and we are just sitting here!" Resigned blabbering. "Great. I'll see you in twenty." More muttered blabbing, and the beep of a cut call.

Ghastly smiled at her. "Aren't I just so lovably convincing?"

She grinned. "Yes, you are." He smiled and leaned closer, to kiss her again, when an embarrassed cough broke them off. Fletcher and the two original Monster Hunters were standing there, looking sheepish. Dai Maybury was along with them, and he seemed grumpy about something, as usual.

Blushing, Ghastly moved away and cleared his throat. "Erm, hello Bane. Callahan."

They blinked at them and nodded slowly, and there was an embarrassed silence until it was broken by Dai Maybury sulkily adding to where he'd left off a conversation. "_Well_," Dai continued gruffly, still seeming irritated. "why can't _I_ go?"

One of the Hunters groaned aloud and turned, about to respond, when at the same instant Fletcher detected a brawl about to happen. Hastily teleporting between them, he coughed and pushed them both aside gently. Ghastly gave him a grateful nod. "Let's not get distracted," he began. "we're running low on time as it is, and Signate should be here any—"

There was a short, brisk rapping at the door, and it was flung open to reveal a very flustered Creyfon Signate. "Sorry I'm late. I had to jog half the way. Let's begin," he said -_well_, more like panted/gasped- to them, hands on knees.

Tanith snorted at that, and hid her laugh behind a very fake-sounding cough. She caught Ghastly's eye and gave him an appreciative nod. _You were very scary. Nice_., she managed to convey. He hid his own smile with a hand reaching up to rub his chin.

"Hello, Mr. Signate. Alright, since everybody is here-"

Dai opened his mouth, about to interrupt, when Fletcher grabbed the Monster Hunters' shoulders, and fixed Ghastly with a slightly despairing look. Ghastly got the hint. "Right. Signate, link up. You're all going to teleport to where Valkyrie was last detected, Fletcher's been shown the place. Then you're going to shunt into the alternate dimension, alright?"

They nodded. "Fletcher, Tanith, you brief them on the rest on the plan." Ghastly pecked her on the cheek. "Tan, you try not to make those things and people angry whom you cannot beat in a fight. So, very few." She laughed, nodded and kissed him for a moment more, and then moved to where Creyfone already had his hand on Gracious' shoulder. "Let's go."

"Bye, Dai." Fletcher said, and Dai, who appeared to be very sulky, did not respond but stalked out the room instead. Fletcher shrugged. They teleported, or _would_ have if at that instant the door hadn't burst open with a bang loud enough to wake the dead.

It also sounded as if somebody had run headfirst into the door. How strange.

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_**Edit over, but you're welcome to read this again, and maybbee leave a review?**_

* * *

Ravel was still hopping about in glee, like a little child gifted with a very dangerous weapon which its parents had divorced over deciding whether to buy it said toy/weapon or not. Or something. China herself honestly couldn't understand the fuss.

The blonde and the tailor got together. Big deal. Next would be a certain skeleton and girl, and she wasn't exactly over the moon about that. She'd spent the entirety of the past few years silently pining for the skeleton in the suit, after all. Still, she _had_ killed his family out of pure jealousy and desire for manipulation. So all in all, him and Valkyrie would work very nicely together. Even _she_ had to admit they cut a very striking image.

China smiled, completely sure that she was the winner of the Valduggery Bet. After all, she had been suggesting the idea to them for _years_. China liked to be sure of her investments. This was, after all, no different. Being one of the first to bet was something, too.

* * *

The Sanctuary was in chaos. People were screaming and falling about, there were random bouts of squeals and giggles even throughout the more dignified personnel. Elder Bespoke was officially together with Tanith Low, and the Sanctuary was ecstatic about it. Every single person knew that the other person knew. Except for Elder Bespoke and Ms Low, who had no idea everybody knew.

Ghastly wondered why he was being randomly slapped on the back, having grins shot at him, being hugged, and being gifted with numerous food items. What was it, feed your Elder day? Haha. Elder. And he was older than most people here, _and_ a literal Elder, so.. yeah. Whatever.

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"Okay," Nadir said. "Roarhaven. Ain't it a beaut?"

"Are you actually going to make any useful comments, like how I get inside a guarded place about which I have no idea and is surrounded by people who will consider it exceedingly suspicious that the Fletcher Renn they know is palling around with a psychopath?"

"Geez, you're a spoilsport, aren't you?"

"Generally, yeah."

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**SO, I've realised. I have no idea how to write the Monster Hunters. Anyone wanna help me? Scratch that, maybe not.. Do you want the Monster Hunters, or two certain Dead Men? Squishy got my gears rolling.  
**


	23. Review replies, and notice

**ImsorryImsorryImsorryImsorryImsorryImsorryImsorryImsorryImsorryImsorryImsorryImsorryImsorryImsorryImsorryImsorryImsorryImsorry  
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**Right. This isn't a chapter. I'm SO SORRY. **

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This is not a chapter. Again. This is happening more than it should, and honestly I need to go back and delete these A/N chapters. I'm SORRY for getting your hopes up for a chapter, but I do need to explain some important things here.

The next chapter is written. Albeit short, it's written and it's ready. It was supposed to be posted nearly a week ago. However, complications arose, and can't access where I typed it. It's currently stuck in my Ipad's Notes, and bits and pieces for the next couple of chapters are too (Alt!Fletch meets Finbar!) but I, alas, haven't been able to send it to myself and then later upload it. I apologize for that. **[[Pre-post EDIT! The chapter has been written and posted, it's the _previous_ chapter!]]**

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**And another thing to mention, it's been edited and changed in one of the parts! I'd love it if you could go back and read through a few paragraphs. It's better written, I'll tell you. **

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**BUT. CONGRAdULATIONS; YOU GET REVIEW REPLIES! In order to make up for my being an ass. After this, I'll start personally and/or quickly replying to them, either through PM or a short bit through chapters. Because readers who review are angels (or devils, whichever, and yeah I'm looking at Pheobe Pleasant/Sadistic Creator of Death. Bit of a typeful, ain't it?)  
**

**So. Ahem, yeah. I'll work my way down from most recent, scroll till you find yourself. **

**And, one more thing. Format's basically the below, unless you've left binge-reviews, in which case they will be answered in order. **

**Name; **the reply to most recent review

and then the one after, or technically made before it.

and then the one before that.

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**Squishy; **You did, actually, it's actually cause of what you mentioned that I dropped in Vexy-Vex and SarRue. Or I will, anyhow. And heh, yeah, that does in fact sound like Dexter Vex. Looks like after the war, he decided shopping malls were _the_ thing. XD.  
Yeah, school isn't being kind to me at all, but I'm surviving, in my own way. Barely.

Finally! And I'm glad you like it, even though I'm trying to re-do the first few chapters, and have been for weeks now. Actually, months. I'm making somewhat progress on the first one still, though. *sigh*  
Yeah, the Dead Men. I'm actually re-reading bits of KOTW to see who's alive, actually. **Most of them are, in fact, not.** Larrikin.. ooh that is tempting. We'll see, I guess. Good Omens, gawd it is fab. Fav character.. leaning toward Agnes Nutter, but I'd say Crowley. Or Adam's dad.

And guess what, Terry Pratchett's suddenly become one of my fav authors, I _love_ the Discworld series, have you read it? Please do. I haven't read all, obviously, just what I could find in my school library. But I loove those books! And how he writes Death! Death's speech, y'know? And here's a little spoiler. Pratchett's style of writing DEATH will be appearing later on in this story, when a certain someone dies. Heh. Yeah, I love controlling everything. smiles*

**Sadistic Creator Of Death;** Hmm. I'm just gonna call you.. SCOD? Nah. Pheobe? That could work. Yeah, I'm gonna call you a scod or Pheobe.

YEss! Finally! I have been waiting, waiting and waiting for someone to see all the fourth wall breaks! Honestly! Finally, someone's managed to see it. I'm so proud of you, babe. *virtual air-hug, from a four-foot radius of distance* did that even make sense. no.

Demon Road? People keep asking me this, no, no, no I have not read it nor bought it please don't rub it in I'd rlly appreciate it if you stopped hurting me. *cracks eye* was that dramatic enough

good. keep reading it. Creepypasta? nice. u read all of them, I support you. (mind recommending me some good ones? I'd like to start reading 'em again.)

**Roronoa D. Lucy;** sure, I will update as soon as it's done! And you may actually get some aacctiionnn! Like, real action. Maybe.

**MehScewwy;** yeah, sorta back at least. Incognito-mode back, if you catch my drift.

yep. yep. yeah. *nods to reviews* totally. no, i aint gonna send you a postcard back up *flails chandelier*

yep yep. uhuh. thanks for the birthday wishes. And the Edgely quote? I'm paraphrasing, but it was the one where 'he'd kill of his characters gruesomely and suddenly and laugh his head off while doing it'.

**Autumn R. Wolf;** I will, I will update! *coughs* eventually.

**Mya2015;** tbh that 'got caught' was actually directed at a couple people who know the deal with the deal, aand I honestly can't remember whether I've told you, though. *shrugs* ye.

**TheMadHatter74;** *squints* you. I like you. *gently touches each shoulder with a chandelier bit* knighted, you are.

when it says secs ago, it DOES actually mean secs ago. I uploaded it, hung around, obviously, and yours was in fact a very quick review. been meaning to tell you that.  
argh! eerybody's saying 'wit, banter, nerd!' but I have no idea how to actually write them. anyone wanna co-write, like, a chapter? Maybe I should ask DeadGirl.. hmm... how good are you at the MH?

ah, ship what you want. Personally, I ship ganith more for Ghastly than Tanith. Like, she's meh. But my child deserves to be happy.

**Tes-the-beast;** this is honestly the most confusing serious of reviews ever found in the history of reviews like dude. _dude_. Nice enthusiasm, but.. uh.. curb it a bit? Because while I'm smiling and flattered, im also reallly confused.

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**The next bits for certain parts are written, i just need to add, edit, continue, etc. so yeah, you WILL get an update soon, and this chapter will be deleted. ugh, I'm sorry, but i guess you could consider the previous chap's edit as a new chapter bit? and the reviews were the most recent ones only, i'm actually quite tired so i'll add when i can. **


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